Engaged

So fellas, today was the big day for me.. I proposed to my girlfriend after 4 years of dating. I’m excited and nervous all at the same time. My question is, is it natural to start getting cold feet, wondering if this was the right choice?? Like our relationship is great, we’ve never split up, but we’ve had our fights and things, but is it natural??

 

Wow! Congratulations on the proposal first off! I'm incredibly happy for you to hear that ♥️

In regards to your question though I unfortunately can't speak from experience myself but I can speak logically (from my perspective). It's like this.. take a minute and actually realize what happened, you got engaged! From my end, I'm just in a normal relationship but you took it to the next level. You decided that she was the one and you both have taken a serious step forward in life. One that, quite honestly, will change your lives forever. So is it normal to feel nervous after something of this magnitude? Absolutely.

Quite honestly, just imagining it myself I'd be so overwhelmed with emotion I'd throw up lol.

I wouldn't go off the deep end and start thinking that your nervousness might mean you "secretly" didn't want the proposal to happen. Like I said above it is most likely because of the huge life-changing event that has happened and reality is settling in

Again though, congratulations on the proposal! Bless you two

 

Thank you Hope for your very mature response. I am indeed overwhelmed with emotion. I’m 27 years old and this is my first time experiencing something like this. It’s really an amazing feeling. But again, thank you for your response. It was exactly what I was wanting to hear. Thank you so much.

 

@Valkirk it’s a common misconception that being engaged is the same as having a wife/marriage.
If you love her and cherish her why not? Fights will occur you gotta work your way through them. I myself proposed a year ago while I brought my girlfriend to Bali aswell. Good luck, don’t worry about it.

 

Thanks for your input. We have had our arguments but they never last over night. But you’re right!!

 

Why trush things into engaging if you are not sure yet?

 

I’m sure. I was just wanting to know if these feelings were natural

 

Ofcourse sencond thought is always natural and logical. I am just not sure how big the doubt ia

 

It’s not big. I was just afraid that one of us may change our minds. But things have been going great since that day. My family is excited, along with hers. It’s going great. Thank you guys for your feedback on my thread.

 

Well remember an engagement is just a commitment to each party that your in it for the long haul. Basically saying one day I will marry you and this is my commitment to you. Fights will happen they always do and its OK to be a bit unsure just keep your commitment strong and take it day by day man don't rush anything just let things fall into place. As long as you both genuinely love each other and speak life into each other and make sure everything you do for and with each other is coming from a place of love and you'll be OK.

 

That’s good stuff man. I try to encourage her everyday and keep her going. She has her ups and downs. But like I said I try. Thank you for your input.

 

Every couple has fights. And if you feel like this is the time the go for it!

Marriage is a massive commitment, so do make sure you're mentally ready for something like that! Good luck I hope it goes well

 

I split from my Fíance previous to marriage.

Don't rush things, and expect the highs and lows of a relationship.

What you need to ask is:
Can you see yourself with this girl for the rest of your life
Does she drop your standards or something who is going to stand by your side ?

Hope this helps

 

Just to add to my previous comment. If you were not having fights, I'd see these as alarm bells more so.

If you are able to recover from a fight easily, i.e. act maturely, and the fights arent absolutely bonkers then it's not a bad thing

 

We fight, but they never get physical, and we always come up with a resolution. We have had one major fight, where she left and went to stay with her sister for the night. But the next day we talked and solved our differences.

 

Yeah in short you are human!

Fights are disagreements and if you don't have those one of you is keeping in their feelings (likely not always) which is not a good idea long term!

The main thing is not holding a grudge and moving on, sometimes arguments get big but the ability to find a middle ground is a dealbreaker.

By bonkers I mean absolutely whaling at each other for hours and getting physical. Then u have fundamental issues to sort out lol

 

It comes down to what you really want. Do you see any other person other than your fiancee in your life? Can you live without your fiancee? Are you happy with your fiancee? Why do you think you have these thoughts in your head that your fiancee may not be that person you want in your life? Perhaps, you have to delve in to what is making you have cold feet. It is, though, natural to feel that way but this is also a good time to EVALUATE the choices you've made and the choices you will make. You don't want to go into family life without having to really think about this clearly.

I personally believe in forever and the relationship should endure a lifetime and therefore when it is my case, I will take it seriously as divorce is not an option. Therefore, I would recommend for you to really think about the decision you will make when it comes to marriage. I am not saying that you should also have the same idea that I do with marriage but you have to put yourself in a situation where you are at ease with your decision.

You're the only one who can really know what you feel about your relationship with your fiancee. The cold feet scenario is fine but if it is more than cold feet then you have to look further and discuss this with your fiancee. Everyone goes through indecision because we're not perfect human beings. One day, we're happy, one day we're sad. That's just how life is but if this is more than cold feet, you have to discuss this with your fiancee. I hope that make sense.

 

Congratulations on your engagement and yes it's perfectly normal.

You are currently in the "honeymoon" stage where you are planning your lives together ready for the next step and it's understandably scary which as I say is normal.

Every couple argues, a lot of marriages if you go that far also do not last, but it does not mean yours wont depending on the key factors of trust and how you feel about each other at the end of each day. As long as your feelings towards each other are neutral and you don't lose sight of what you wanted to begin with, you will be completely fine.

I got married to my wife some years back, and we had our first child just before we turned 17, getting engaged and married soon after sounded like the right thing. We often say to each other "if we didn't have kids, would we still be together?" and "oh what if we stopped at our first?", each time comes to no, we wouldn't be together and married like we are now, because we are somewhat different to each other which attracted us to each other.

You have to have some faith my friend, only time will tell what your relationship is capable of and where it should go, if it's meant to be it will last a lifetime, if it isn't meant to be then you can sit down and say at least I tried and gave it my best. What you are feeling right now, you will feel that many of times to come, and that's going to keep happening because of how she makes you feel inside and how deeply you care for her.

 

Congratulations. It's normal you're a human being. You'll go through alot of this but if you both make the best of what's to come many years of joy.

Best of luck.

 

Congratz man!