Surviving a zombie attack!!! A MUST READ!

After playing the game "Resident Evil 4" For the Wii and reading a book called "Your guide to surviveing a zombie attack" I have come up with a guide that will save your life one day.

1. Never trust a german/turn your back on one, he will end up trying to kill you somehow. To avoid this just avoid Germans altoghether as they are a threat.

2. When facing a zombie decapitation is uselly the best way, zombies when hit in the head die either damage the brain or chop the head off altogether.

3. When facing a hoard of zombies, first off its best to just avoid them but in the off chance your being surrounded, look for high ground or try to make a run through an opening as zombies are very slow and will have a hard time trying to catch you. If you do find high ground like a tree, climb up it as zombies cannot climb and will be unable to reach you.

4. If by some means a zombies head blows up and a giant parasite like thing comes out of it, do not run as its razer blades are very fast and long. The best thing to do is shoot at the parasite, the zombie will die after a couple of shots.

5. When faceing off with zombie dogs, you are uselly screwed and do not want to face them, but if by chance you have a shotgun USE IT and shoot for there bodies so they cant move and just run.

6.Now is the part that is very scary, if you get surrounded by zombies and there is water, swim, zombies can only float and walk on the bottom of the water, since they dont need water to survive they will still try to eat you. BUT DONT FRET you just need to swim 10 feet above them and swim fast towards a shore and make a run for it.

7. Now if by chance you come accross a giant ugly bitch *2 storys tall* run around him as he is exceptionally slow and wont be able to reach you enless you stop moveing. This is the part were you take out a gun and aim for his back. When a parasite sprouts out of his back use a knife and slash at it a couple of times, this might take a few rounds of slashing running and shooting, but just dont get picked up, he wont scratch you, he will throw you.

8. Always bring a buddy, the buddy system always works especially if your sleeping, cooking or doing your buissness out in a bush, your Buddie will alarm you if zombies are coming and hopefully shoot them.

9. Were almost through your survival manual on how to stay alive dureing a zombie attack. Do not ever cook food or burn yourself, the smell will carry to the zombies and they will come in huge packs.

10. Sadly if you or a friend get infected, shoot yourself or him once he has turned he will come after you first and you dont want to eat your freind?

11. The best method of transportation is either a bike, because a bike is very quite and will not make noise, or a hoarse, hoarse are choice meat for zombies incase you do get attacked.


This guide will save your life, BE PREPARED FOR THE ZOMBIE INVASION AND GET EQUIPPED WITH GUNS AND KNIVES. this guide might save your life enjoy

 

You spelled horse wrong.

 

lol i spelled a lot of things wrong

 

Or to survive a zombeh attack, go to the nearest local wal-mart!

 

local walmarts suck as a defense you might starve there

 

Theres usually tons of food stores around wal-mart, you got equipment to lock stuff out, lol... go to the right ones, your safe for a few months

 

I BOUGHT THAT FUCKING GAME IN SPAIN AND NOW I CANT FUCKING PLAY IT

is this gay [y/n]??

 

y.....

 

Costco would be the best

no windows and everythings in there

 

/phail

I <3 BJ's

 

way ahead of ya buddayy. I read the handbook.

 

Yes this gives a little more information and its short sweet and to the point, i read it to

 

I gotcha. This is a nice compilation of the handbooks key parts. The compilation you have given us is mainly for the procrastinator who put off reading the handbook until the zombies came. So now when they do come and he doesn't have time for the book, he'll get his crash course. GENIUS, PURE GENIUS!

 

Dude finally someone who see's were I am coming from

 

I'm glad we're on the same page chief.

 

yep, need to hide a body thought it was a zombie but it was only a slow moving person.... So ill be back soon

 

glad i read this, in case a...
*zombies break through the house. you hear them crawling up the stairs*
shit i gtg. i know how to fight them now!!
*picks up a banana*
"which fgt is first?"

 

Certainly helped my German problem, thanks.