Divorce.

So as of last night, I guess my wife decided she wanted a divorce. All of this is so sudden, with no warning what so ever. Have any of you been through one? Have any tips?

 

Seems strange it'd be out of the blue.

But as it seems this way, I suppose you're both on good terms. May provide a cleaner divorce.

It's the argumentitive battles prior to divorce that make the divorce itself so ugly.

Then again, I've never married.
So divorce would be difficult for me.

 

It is strange. She claims to be unhappy with herself and needs to be independent to find happiness. It's all so confusing

 

I mean, if it's out of the blue as much as you feel it is.
Probably better not to rush into decisions of finalising things.

 

I’m really fucking sorry about it man... Must be hard going through, I would be at loss for words if my fiancée decided to leave me for no reason when I least expected it.

She can’t divorce you without a valid reason without it having to go through court (if you don’t consent to it) talk to her and ask whats going on, this is really strange behavour.. Have you seen any kind of «red flags» prior to her announcing this?
Feel free to message me if you need somebody to talk to. I’d be more than happy to assist you in any way. Again I’m terribly sorry for what you are going through<3

 

And I keep a healthy balance between her, work and hobbies. Just last week we were talking about finding new places to live. I'm on duty and she refuses to talk to me.

 

Update. I forgot to mention she's removed a lot of pictures of us from all of her social media.

 

Have you both sat down and actually discuss what the underlying issues are? Typically removal of social media photos and things like that are just ways of being petty and trying to get some sort of affection and attention from the other person in the relationship. Do you know if your wife desires more attention from you or how's your intimate & social life with her.

I can tell you first hand being a 26 year old man and being engages to a 20 year old women attention is a huge part of a relationship. Just as men need to feel wanted and needed women typically want to know there man only has an eye for them and is not only there to hear what they have to say but to understand what they're saying.

You both really need to sit down and chat and actually understand what is being said and figure out how to move forward its its worth fighting for she'll fight if not then go your separate ways.

I'm going to follow this thread I'm anxious to see how it turns out for you guys. I'm going through something of the same sort with my fiance and I've have to say prayer and fasting works as well. Marriages are not easily broken remember that.

 

I appreciate the words. I haven't really been able to do much so far as I'm on a 24 hour shift currently. She refuses to talk to me over text, she simply says "I don't want to talk."

I tend to get very anxious easily and instantly think the worst. My mind is telling me she might have someone talking in her ear, but I don't know if she'd actually do that to me.

My mind is just racing. I feel as if there's nothing I can do and she's made up her mind .

 

Yep I know the feeling man. Has there ever been any infidelity previously in the relationship or anything happen for you to automatically think the worse? Yall have to find some way to discuss what's going on. If she is wanting a divorce your going to have to talk about it anyways because the first thing a judge is going to schedule is marriage counseling. If she doesn't want to talk now just give her some space she'll come around. At the end of the day you can only do what you can and typically the more you push the more they pull away. When you stop pushing her she'll start pulling you just think about it.

 

We've had our fair share of problems before we got married. I guess maybe we aren't seeing eye to eye. She wants more help around the house and I would like more help on our living expenses. Money has been an underlying stress builder for the both of us. She is a full time student, so I understand the lack of income.

When she gets in these type of moods, she becomes a completely different person. Hurtful. I am just at a complete loss.

 

There has been infidelity, on both of our parts. Very early on in our relationship (first few months). We've been together 3 1/2 years. She's been working late, picking up shifts. Which is odd to me because she used to hate the job. Now it seems like all she wants to do is work.

I got us concert tickets to Hippie Sabotage on the 12th, and her initial reaction was excitement. I then brought it up a couple weeks later and it seemed like she didn't care if she went or not. She's been very distant, but maybe I have been too.

 

You guys are going to need to get some counseling man. Communication is a huge part of relationships and it seems to be a lack thereof. You guys seem to have some odds stacked against you just understand its not the time to give up its the time to come together and fight for the relationship. Not only did you guys make a commitment to yourselves but to God. You both need to find some common ground and understand that the relationships is not going to be perfect and its going to take constant work. Any relationship that has had infidelity in the past is going to take 100% more work. Also dude I totally understand what your going through right now like I feel you so much! you don't even know.

 

It sucks man. We were best friends. Somewhere along the line something changed. I appreciate your words .

 

Totally feel you my man. My fiance and I are best friends as well while working on our relationship as well. Infidelity on her end has been catastrophic but you have to understand yourself and understand how much your going and willing to take. Id say the lack of communication is hurting your relationship at this moment. I've personally been going to therapy for the last 11 weeks to try and work on my communication skills because I have problems expressing my emotions. Its really helped maybe you can go to some personal therapy and see how you can better yourself while she takes some time for herself to try and figure out how she wants to move forward or a cheaper route is listening to podcast I also find that very helpful.

 

What is the podcast? I'm terrible at showing emotion too. I've always been one to hide my feelings. Not let people see how I really feel or how things actually affect me.

 

If you have an iphone its the purple Podcast I typically listen to peoples life stories.

 

Sorry to tell you. Sounds like cheating to me man :/.
I feared this was the issue, it’s pretty obvious.

Edit: If she is a cheat and a liar you’re better off without her anyway. If she is having problems committing to her husband after 3 1/2 years. She would do it sooner or later anyway. She was a ticking time bomb, find someone that is loyal and honest to you, it will make your life easier.
Edit: Don’t try fix what is already broken, it will ruin your self esteem and make you feel insecure in the long run!

 

Bruh...don't do this... poking a dead horse is only going to leave you more hurt in the long run. If she's that set on divorcing you then stick with it man. As fucked up as that is, if she truely loves you, she doesn't need to be shown random bits of extra attention. Have a deep conversation with her to uncover what the issues really are. If you think she's cheating there is enough instability there to warrant the separation. If she's not cheating well hey, you're being paranoid. I can say that paranoia 90% of the time is there for a reason. It's either A) you don't have enough confidence in yourself and this relationship. B) She's just a bit of a slut.

I've cheated before and been cheated on and I can tell you that 'suspicions' are usually there for a reason.

I've grown a lot in the past 10 years and I don't intend on giving 'definitive' advice... but only what I feel applied to my experiences.

I've been through a couple shit relationships myself, I fucking hated the person I was (looking back on it). I learned a lot about myself and the respect I have for myself is now so strong that I would never let my future or current emotions be heavily impacted by another person. Do not be a singularity, be 2 individual humans that push each other up in a positive way. Neither of you needs the other to be emotionally sound.

As for how to feel? Man its gonna fucking suck.. and it does suck. But wherever you feel you can communicate to people - do it. If you have close mates, fucking speak to them. If you dont, who gives a fuck.. just hop on here and do what you're doing. The last thing you want to do is fester in a pile of your own negative emotions.

Once you find the right person. The relationship isn't fickle enough to be threatened with divorces. TRUST ME.

Send me a private message anytime big guy..