A part of a rap I wrote

Ok, Ya i got bored yesterday since the internet was down, so I took out a notebook, and I remember I used to write some raps for my cousin, but this time i worte it for myself. So check it out tell me what you think of it.

Like a lady in labor I push
My spirit to limits no one could imagine
So much pressure lungs'll collapse and skulls'll get smashed in
Millions die, hundreds adapting
Situations tighter than the muscles in her stomach contracting
So we hunt till we catch them
It's a jungle – this the dungeon we trapped in
Blood splashed over last crumbs – hunger and famine
No one trust their own actions
Predators become the preys – what the fuck's gonna happen?
Sharks drown - and dark clouds cover this atlas
Hearts pound – heavy pulses and tantrums
Everybody falls down
The shocks is electric
Bodies drop - on every block it gets hectic
Cops be calling cops who call the nurses, doctors, and medics
The pills are popped for the headaches
It gotsta be the way hip hop is presented
And how emcees just stand and watch, it's pathetic
But I'm coming – hear me knock and regret it
I take you back in time so turn your clocks if you dummies forgot to reset it

It took around 2 hours, I had to think really hard and think about things that were going around in my life and in the world.Tell me what u think of it.
-Xix

NEW RAPS​

Attaching rocks to my ankles, I take a dive into life
Cuz I been hiding behind
These large dark brown eyes are they right?
When they say after rain the sun shines bright, cuz in life
When rain evaporates it rains a second time and it's like…
A princess carries this magical myth
To live happy ever after in a palace after she marries a prince
But happiness shifts
Listen and start imagining this
As I paint u a perfect picture of the path of this kid
See, it all started so innocent – a beautiful sight
The children are playing ignorant of the struggles of life
Then one night she meets this boy
Who's willing to share his toys fair and enjoy together
Forever filling her void
One hides while the other seeks
How sweet is this? They sitting on a tree and they kiss on each other's cheeks, The love is deep
Right forward into life's course
She found her little prince charming on his white horse.

Ok, this is a new rap I wrote,I taught about old love stories, and compared it to real life love itself, I know it's short, but I'll try to write new ones. Please tell me what it sounds to you and such, or any tips. Thanks
-Xix

 

You should post this in Tunes. But if this is you're real rap/ Not bad I guess.

 

Like i said, I don't fake shit, I have a notebook full of lyrics, I could make copies of them if u want lol. Thanks tho, if a mod could of it sure.

 

honestly thats realy good in my opinoin...

 

thanks dude

 

10.10 nice man.ima rapper myself sorta lol

 

For two hours work thats really good!
Keep it up budd.

 

Good stuff.

The only thing is that some of your lines are longer in words than others and that might throw you off the beat. You'll prolly end up cutting some words out to make the lines that are long shorter to compensate for the shorter lines.


Source: Personal exp.

 

IMO, there wasn't any flow. There may have been, but I couldn't find it.

Lyrically it was pretty good.

 

Good Work Keep it up im impressed you got some talent there

 

Thanks guys and Ryan ya it has a good flow once I say it on a beat.
Thank everyone

 

It's quite good, I'd like to hear it to a beat though >.>

 

10/10

Very nice .

Guess you were sorta of a poet and you didn't rly know it .

 

Every rhyme sounds dull when theres no beat.
New rap posted <3

 

as 50 said..

an ill flow with no beat.. is incomplete
its like a stick up kid runnin 'round without no heat



good stuff, keep it up

 

dude these are lyrics, not a rap song.

 

The meaning lyrics is good...I mean really good. Except there is no flow...may be you post a video of yourself rapping this song?

 

Like I said before these are lyrics, if anyone could give me a good beat, I could probably make a song.