Share your lengthy jokes

Share your lenghty jokes
no one liners - must be a decent paragraph ^_^
heres one I found earlier

A large company, feeling it was time for a shakeup, hired a new CEO.
The new boss was determined to rid the company of all slackers.
On a tour of the facilities, the CEO noticed a guy leaning on a wall.
The room was full of workers and he wanted to let them know that he meant business.
He walked up to the guy leaning against the wall and asked, 'How much money do you make a week? A little surprised, the young man looked at him and replied, I make $400 a week. Why?
The CEO then handed the guy $1,600 in cash and screamed, 'Here's four weeks' pay, now GET OUT and don't come back.
'Feeling pretty good about himself the CEO looked around the roomand asked, "Does anyone want to tell me what that goof-ball did around here?
"From across the room came a voice,
'Pizza delivery guy from Domino's.'
​

 

haha i got many one sec. lemme think of em.

 

Okay so a guy is
near the
end of his
senior
year in high school.
Unfortunately,
he still has to share a room with his
younger
brother who is only 9
years
old.

One night, he decides to bring his
girlfriend home
for a little fun.
They
have bunk beds and the guy notices that
his little
brother is already
asleep
on the lower bunk, so he and his
girlfriend climb
up
to the top bunk.
As you
might expect things start to heat up.

The guy remembers that his little brother
is
sleeping below so he tells
his
girlfriend to whisper "lettuce" if she wants
it
harder and "tomato" if
she
wants a new position.

Lettuce!!!


Tomato!!!


Lettuce!!!


Tomato!!!


Lettuce!!!


Tomato!!!

She screams.

Lettuce!!!

Tomato!!!

Whoa!!!

PULL IT OUT!!!

PULL IT OUT NOW!!!

I can't get pregnant!

Then the little brother shouts up,
"Hey, would you guys stop making
sandwiches up there! You're getting
mayonnaise
all over my
face!*!*!*!*!

 

Haha - Im sure I read that somewhere - but the last line is a bit over exaggerated lol.

 

OHOH. I got one.

Theres this guy who needs to use a public bathroom.

He goes into the Mens room and notices that all the stalls are full.

He decides to use the Womens bathroom instead because he really can't wait.

When he goes into the Womens bathroom, a girl walks out of a stall, and tells him don't use the 3rd button.

So he walks into the stall and sits down. Next to him he notices there are 3 buttons.

The first one reads "BM", so he presses it, and it gives him a butt massage.

The seconds button reads "BP", so he presses this one and it gives him butt powder.

The last button, that the women told him not to press reads "ATR". Out of curiousity he presses it.

The next morning he wakes up in the hospital, and asks the doctor "what am I in here for doc?"

The doctor replies "You pressed the 3rd button Automatic Tampon Remover"

Look under your pillow.

 

LOL.... Thats pretty funny stuff ^_^

keep em coming.

 

This one actually made me laugh, good joke.

 

ok i have a good one so here goes.

a man wanted to test his son, so he brought a bible and a bottle of whisky and put them in his son's room. then when his son came he hid and watched him and he saw him pick up the whisky, and he said oh god my son will be an alcoholic. but then the son put the whisky down and took the bible and the father thank god my son will be a preacher. but then his son put the bible under his arm then drink the whisky he said oh god he's gonna be a politician...

 

haha the lettuace tomato one is sick
i could post some racist ones, but i dont want to offend

 

Sorry for not posting a joke, but I found this one quite funny. Thanks for the share it got a grin on my face.

 

One time, there was a woman looking for a husban. She put a ad on the newspaper saying: Looking for a husban that won't hit met, run away, and is good with SEX.

A day later, someone rang the doorbell. The woman was looking and thought it was a ding-dong-ditch. The man said, "Look, down here!". The woman said, " You have no arms...". The man said, " So I won't hit you." The womain said, " You have no legs." The man said, " So I won't run away." The womain said, " What about the other thing (Sex) ..." The man said, with a grin, " I reached the doorbell, didn't I?"

I manually wrote this <_<

 

A small guy goes into an elevator, when he gets in he notices a huge guy standing next to him. The big guy looks down upon the small guy and says, "7 foot tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch dick, 3 pound left ball, 3 pound right ball, Turner Brown."

The small guy faints!

The big guy picks up the small guy and brings him to, slapping his face and shaking him and asks the small guy, "What's wrong?"

The small guy says, "Excuse me but what did you say?"

The big guy looks down and says, "7 foot tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch dick, 3 pound left ball, 3 pound right ball, the name is Turner Brown."

The small guy says, "Thank God, I thought you said turn around!"

 

hahaha
Booty - I dont get yours.

 

The punch line is that he reached the door bell even though he had no arms or legs. Pointing to the theory he used his freakishly large penis to reach it agreeing to the fact that he is " Good at Sex".

 

Well he had no arms or legs, and he could reach the doorbell. Now Trigga, which body part do you think he used to ring the doorbell that he could use whilst having sex.



Sorry my comp lagged and I didnt get it post it before Macro.. (The reason.)

 

three travelers on a ship get caught in a storm and they all fall overboard. the next day they land on an island. immediately after they wake up they are captured by cannibals!! they are taken to the king of the cannibals and the king offers them a deal. he says, "go into the forest and bring back 10 fruits each! when you come back i shall tell you what to do with them. if you do my task successfuly i shall let you free. " so they go off into the forest one by one.

when the first traveler comes back he brings back 10 apples and the king says, "shove it up your butthole and don't make a sound when you do it!!! " the traveler hesitated a little but he grabbed his balls and told himself "I CAN DO IT HOORAAH!=@ " when he tried to shove the first apple up his butthole he barely got it in and his face turned all red from holding his breath. when he attempted it the second time he couldn't help but scream because the second apple was larger than the first so the cannibals ate him up.:'(

when the second traveler comes back he brings back 10 cherries and the king says the same thing he said to the first traveler. since the second traveler was gay and was used to anal punishment, he had no problems with attempting this. popped them in 1 by 1 until he got to his 9th cherry. he took the cherry and popped it in but as soon as he got it in he just broke out in laughter and the cannibals ate him up.:'(

in heaven the first traveler asked the second traveler, "why did you laugh? you were so close to freedom!! " and the second traveler replied,"because lol i saw the other guy coming with pineapples!!!":laugh:

 

lol ok i get the dick joke !

M producer - heard it 4 years ago lol. still makes me giggle

 

lol good jokes! Just what you need on a day with such depressing weather as usual. Like all the jokes and get them all so far! No good at them myself but I laugh at a lot of jokes still

 

Thanks for stealing everything on my ranger - and dropping the crystal bow?
u fucking turd- how low can u go?

 

Your ranger? WTF! Ive never been on your ranger ever