Advice: Big time crush on a girl

Hey guys, it's been a while.

It's late right now and I wan't to write in Personal Support to ask for some advice about this girl I've had a crush on for a while.

I met this girl around 8 years ago at a beach vacation with my family and a couple of close family friends, I was only 16 but ever since then I've had a MAJOR crush on her. My friends and other people don't find her that attractive or good looking but she's my personal definition of perfection.

Long story short a couple years later after meeting her she switches up schools and becomes really close friends with my sister (both 21 right now) and that's how I've managed to keep some sort of connection with her.

I hadn't approached her at all in this time because she had a boyfriend of over 5 years and I studied my whole degree abroad so there was really no point. Up until last year when I finished my studies I had no intentions of coming back to my hometown but here I am and I really want to find my way into the heart of this girl.

Before I can continue I think anyone who reads this should know a little bit about me:

I am the type of dude that is very dedicated and hard-working. I have a pretty solid career (doing better than 99% of people my age), am very fit, people compliment me on looks and shit and I am an introvert but very easy-going so girls just come naturally and always end up breaking some hearts.

things have gone like this so far with her ever since I came back:

Her ex-boyfriend broke up with her around a year ago because he suddenly became an Instagram Influencer. From what my sister told me the break-up was hard on her and she had a long mourning period.

She's always known that I have a crush on her so she messaged me earlier this year around May and here is where I guess I fucked up really hard.

I don't really know what happened but I couldn't keep my cool and the conversation with her and was awkward af. I said some really weird shit about myself and other things that I guess kinda scared her off. I ended up asking her out and she basically turned me down saying she was about to go study abroad this fall semester and that she wasn't ready for anything.

She came to my house two times after that (to watch game of thrones with my sis), I talked to her and I think I said some awkward shit again (I got really really nervous) so that didn't go very well.

She is now studying abroad and I decided to message her 2 days ago replying to one of her instagram posts. Asked her how she was doing in abroad and how school was and all. The conversation flowed normally for a bit but then she stopped replying.

I am not normally the guy that has to chase girls and I am unsure on how to take things from here, I don't know if I should continue being pushy (some girls dig it) or If I should just wait until she's back and I see her around at some nightclub (we're kinda in the same social circle so I'm sure I'll be seeing her some parties in the future) and just approach her, maybe just play hard to get or maybe just be upfront about it next time I see her.

I know that this might not be enough context to give your advice but I'm willing to answer any questions

any guidance is appreciated.

 

When will you next see her? When you do, tell her how you feel and go from there. That what i'd do. But if there is a chance of a long distance relationship, I wouldn't recommend that lol. They suck.

Goodluck! Just be yourself and be confident about it, thats what girls like. If you are nervous, just take it as practice and experience, that thought always helps me calm my nervs. If you didn't feel nervous at all then you probably don't like her that much, so it's a good sign.

Keep us updated on this brother

 

Playing hard to get doesn't seem to be the play for this girl.

Me and my wife met at a pub in London. I was from up north and she was quite a afluent essex girl. I remember feeling quite insufficient. I distinctly remember selling my retro gaming collection to take her to Paris (basically to impress her parents). Nicole has since said to me that none of that meant a thing - all that mattered was my willingness to talk at 3am when I had work the day after, my willingness to front her father (who is quite a prolific man) and my willingness to lay down everything (and her willingness to do the same) to make us happy.

Bottom line is mate, if a woman is worth persuing then persue her with fierceness, but remember to expect that same passion back. Men are often expected to make the huge effort, which we should, but often without much effort back.

We are now 12 years married, 14 together, 3 children, a cat, a dog and a fish tank deep into our lives and we still fiercely fight for our happiness, love and passion. I believe everyone has that someone, and at your tender age of 24, you have plenty of time to realise that dream.

Regards
- A very old, happy man.

 

Thanks for sharing your story and advice.

 

Yeah, I've had girlfriends and dated lots of girls before but I rarely felt nervous, with this one it's just on a whole 'other level.

I will probably see her around in 4-5 months so plenty of time to calm down my nerves.

 

if she is really worth it then she is worth being patient for . iI advise not to be pushy. She knows u r interested , when she is back like you said , you could see her in a club or whatever when she is having a good time in the club get her a few cocktails make her laugh and see what ur chances are of going on a date . She likes game of thrones so u could start ur conversation there ?

 

This all means absolutely nothing if you don't act accordingly. You can look like Brad Pitt but if you don't display and exert attractive qualities like confidence and charisma girls will lose interest very quickly.

She probably had some interest in actually dating you, and you probably talked her out of it by being excited that she was reaching out. Guys do this all the time. I'd also like to stress that you probably didn't mess up as badly as you think, and that it was all in your head but you probably felt insecure and conveyed that to her somehow which is a huge turnoff for woman.

Again, it's all in your head. It doesn't matter what you say, it's how you say it. You really dig this girl and you're too hung up on her. Don't let it go to your head.

If she is abroad why are you even contacting her? Just cease all contact with her. If she has any interest in you she'll reach out to you. If she doesn't, then there's absolutely no point in you torturing yourself any further. All her actions are that of a girls who's not interested in you romantically. Assume that she isn't. DO NOT PURSUE HER ANY FURTHER This is only lowering her attraction for you.

DO NOT BE PUSHY
DO NOT APPROACH HER
DO NOT PLAY GAMES

Forget about her. Worry about yourself. That's what you should be doing right now. Four months is a lifetime away at the moment. For all you know, she's abroad sucking dick and partying all night while your here thinking about her. Walk away and never look back. Build some real confidence and learn to see yourself in a higher light. This is what you have to do. You have to focus on becoming the best version of yourself possible. You're important. You should be focusing on you right now.

If you need a strategy when she comes back, hit me up and I'll help you. But that's four months away. Focus on you and only you. You can't forced attraction, it happens naturally and if you're the best version of yourself, you'll be more attractive not just to her, but everyone else as well.

 

Thanks for the advice. I'll hit you up when that happens. However, I never stopped working on myself, self-improvement is key.

 

Man I can relate in some sense. My best advice is build yourself up. Sometimes not all who wander are lost. So remember you might be on a whole different trajectory which might allow you to discover something or someone even more amazing. Also if you do like her just let her know man. And get it out of your system and then focus on yourself.

 

Wont work out honestly bro, been thru the same thing myself... even if something happens you guys will end up having a bad relationship (long distance) just forget about her and if she comes back to you one day its meant to be...

 

exactly

 

Why dont u ask her out for a drink in daytime? if everything goes well buy her a dinner also so u get some more time with her, if not just finish the drink and go seperate ways.

U can always explain why u acting all weird while having a drink together, she might understand it better which would make the next meeting easyer and more comfortable for both.

Be urself man, its the most important.

If u explained and she still act all weird then i guess u just need to forget about her, dont push it but show that u have interest.

I'm not the best in advice so yeh, hope i said something that made any diffrence in how u feel about the situation

-Rare.

 

you don't ask you don't get.

Go for it, post the results

 

you don't ask you don't get.

Go for it, post the results

 

Go for it

 

I don't necessarily have the most experience in this field, because I was dating my 1 + only GF for 4 years throughout hs, (broke up a few months ago).

- I haven't read the comments above myn, so I'm not sure if this will be repetitive to what someone else has said, but don't try to be something you're not. I believe that women go for successful men, but don't brag about any success you've come across. It is important to be transparent, but not too transparent. It honestly depends on the subject. You want the girl to want to get to know you better. I'd say that you should lead her on, but not in a dick way. Make her want you, not the other way. In my personal experience lately, girls don't like men who are pushy. Give her some space, let her think about it.

You can think of it sort of like fishing. You can certainly jerk the bait around and wait for a bite, but patience is key. You don't want to scare away the fish with constant movement (blabber of the mouth).

I hope this is something you can relate to. I know it's easier said than done, but I also wish you the best of luck. Always remember if this one doesn't work out, there are more out there. Don't beat yourself up over something that isn't meant to be. If you'd like to reach out, I'm online 10-16 hours a day, and would love to help you any way I can.

Best regards,
Chad

 

Just tell her if she doesn't like you back move on

 

My advice? Date other women, she knows you have a crush on her. Last thing you want to do is show her that she's the only woman in your life & if you focus on her too hard you might seem needy or desperate. No i'm not saying cheat on her or to be unfaithful what i'm saying is till the point of actually officially dating/being together talk to other woman , go on dates with other woman. It'll show her that you're wanted & interesting. If you do chat with her have the conversations be short & fun. Say you have to leave mid conversation and that you"ll text her later. It shows here you're busy & have stuff to do in your life besides talking to her. She'll start appreciating it when you text her. Don't waste time chatting all day. Ask her out if the vibe is there & the messages are flirty.

Be yourself, but try to be your best version. If she doesn't appreciate that & doesn't see what a great guy you are (i asusme :') ) It will be her loss

 

I was gonna type something like this but Andy did it for me.

Nobody wants something given to them. Everybody wants what they can't have.

But don't be a cunt. Just be yourself but don't focus on her right now.

 

Based on the post above, I'd imagine that the chick you have a crush on is the type who enjoys other people having a crush on her and if they date someone else she will try to get them to stop and fall for her all over again, just to boost her own confidence pretty much. My understanding of the situation is that she wants nothing from you, aside for you to have a crush on her.

I might be wrong, but I see no reason as to why she'd ignore you pretty much then decide to have a change of heart, as soon as you date someone else.

Probably not the best suggestion you were ever given but I'd say let her go, date other people.