Need help fast!!!!

ok this is what happening,

my parents are out with family friends, and theyll be back any minute so i need your help

see, i volunteer on my sister's softball team (im 19 the girls are 15)

and whatever, i met this girl, her name is Alison, and were going out for a while. We have a lot in common, and sometimes i help her with homework. i helped her with her english essay and she still got a D... this is because her teacher is a prick... anywayz

so she came over like an hour ago, and i really want to lose my virginity, so i ask her to have sex

"no no i cant, its not right" she said, but i told her "dont worry, i know what im doing, ill be done in like 10 seconds, plus ill give you 2 n64 games if you say yes."

So then I gave her Diddy Kong Racing and Ken Griffy Jr. Baseball and we went up to my room. she is a bit confused and scared.

then i think to myself- yo i need lube, right? cuz i heard other people saying you need to lube up her clit otherwise it wont fit in properly.

ok so i have no lube, but i really want to lose my virginity, so i grab some butter from the fridge, but its cold and it wont melt, so i microwaved it for 8 minutes and i put it in a glass and poured it on her cooter, and now shes saying i burned it.

i dont know what to do, my parents are going to be back any minute and shes crying in the bathroom plz help you guys are really smart please help me.

any idea how to shut her up? should i give her another n64 game?

 

Diddy Kong Racing crossed the line..giving away any n64 games should be against the law.....n64 is so 1337...just try jelly lol or just hit her with something and have your way with her

 

Maybe I should give her ocarina of time, she'll stop crying, but its to risky!

 

CMON seriously help me plzzzzz

 

OMG my parents will be here in an hour!!!!

 

lul you fail

try some ice or something, and stick your dick in her mawth

 

She's screamin about how her couchie hurts, that wont work!!!!

 

it's been over 1 hour already aaaaaaaaand

Your penis should've been burnt from melted butter.

 

You realise this is the spam forum right?

 

Oh fuck. I've been pranked. Fuck fukufkcfukcfuckfucfccfcfcfcffcifcfciuiufcifci.

The LotuCowGod has spoken.

 

Oh crap, my parents pulled in helpy plz

 

Never fear! The LotuCowGod is here!

 

ono i saw this just now.. and it too late :[

 

lol, thats pretty sad.

 

Should've ended:

 

OMG people now I'm going to jail for moletsing a child!!!!!!! what should I do, should I try giving the judge a n64 game?