"Riddles of Revenge" My English Task

I had to write this as an assessment piece for English. I'm not sure what mark I would get for it.So I was just wanting to post it here for you guys to rate.

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The gods have granted me this power, but what to do with it? This sword, this armour, do I use it for the good of the kingdom, or for my own purposes and claim this kingdom as my own? It would be far too easy to simply kill the king, for no man can stop me whilst I wield this sword and adorn in this armour, they were created by the gods, and only the gods can defeat the bearer of these gifts. I believe it is time to choose, and I have made the choice... I will use these gifts to defeat all those in my way during my quest to claim all the lands I can find.

Heading towards the beautiful lands of Kathador I met my childhood rival James, he claimed the gods had granted him the strength of 10 men, of which I challenged him, wearing our armour we began our sword fight; within 10 seconds I had cut the limbs from James...
"So much for his so called strength."
The ground was covered in the scarlet-red liquid that was seeping from where his limbs had once existed, now they were 10 feet apart with clean cut marks – It felt rather wonderful to sever this man’s, which was then when I began to wonder when I would next meet another man worthy to meet my blade.

I found the armour and blade in a shrine dedicated to Hades whilst travelling through the mountain that split the towns Bethrasin and Parku. It guided me to it through a cyan light emanating from the cave during a blizzard – I was meant to find these items.

As James had being slain I have only eight of the dreadful nine remaining to be slaughtered for their evil doing.

Passing through the misty and eerie swamps of Aldkedron I was approached by foul looking man coated in what seemed like the armour of all dark, eyes like those of the devil which possessed him. A fierce mace wielded in his arms he took a vicious swing and clipped the edge of my breast plate with a deafening thud. Quickly I displayed the blade of my sword , with a sole slice he was disarmed of his now useless weapon. Unexpectedly and shockingly came a near lethal blow to my chin, my head flew backwards and I was dazed for a few short moments. Scrambling to my feet I mounted my sword right through the his breastplate. He fell to the ground with a sickening crunch, I removed his helmet and unearthed I had banished the soul of one of the eight evildoers of the Dark Lord .

Being such a surprise in the swamps of Aldkedron, I pledged to be aware more than previously. Rather a dull journey seeking for the begotten but two sent to the grave was much of a relief. Many months passed wondering through foreign lands with no sign of others.

Collecting water by the stream one day , I came upon a cave hidden amongst some shrub. The cave had walls of solid rock, no man could enter through this path. A riddle engraved upon the door
“Enter you might, ablaze you will be, your fear will be of above, Knowledge is the pathway that leads to gold”

I pushed away some ferns, and in the shimmering light and caught a glance at what looked like a handle, I endorsed all the might in my body to move the gigantic door. I placed a foot within the unknown, the riddle unrolled within my mind.

Giving an unexpected dive to the soil, a blaze alit where I was previously standing. I was a crab crawling into its hole. The fire had now exposed a mass of the path, lying before me there was stepping stones between each a fire burnt endlessly bellow. Upon each there was things engraved that appeared to be letters. ‘Knowledge is my pathway’ I thought to myself. This could only mean one thing , I took a step at what seemed to be a “K” and the stone crumbled underneath the sheer weight of my foot.
“Knowledge must be written in Alkaridian” I stepped upon the “A” and it was solid as iron and so on I passed by all the letters arriving safely on the other side of this death trap.

I shuffled my way through the webs of the spiders and heard the voices of what seemed like three or four men. They were huddling around a fire in a clearing just a few hundred thumbs away.

I removed my sword from its haven and approached. Sword raised high I announced “ From the land of Bahala under the order of king Titatus I demand you to disarm yourselves!”
“ Riddle me riddle you in exchange for many lives.” laughed a man.
The other men disappeared into the darkness of the cave while the short man approached. He lay two cups in front of me, handed me a bottle of scentless and tasteless poison.
“Poison one of these cups and I will shuffle them around, I will drink first and one of us will perish.”
I had a remarkable idea, I secretly poured the poison into both of the gilded cups . The short man drank and laughed he fell dead on the floor within a heart beat.

Walking along the edge of a life taking cliff, I saw three figures moving along the wall. I picked up some rocks and threw it in their direction with such velocity it would piece the armour of an Orc. Yelling and screaming was all I heard as they fell into the endless pit.





The cave extended for many miles, when finally I could see the light of day through a rock slide, I scraped away the rocks and sand and freed myself from the earthy prison.

My body was baffled and bruised from crawling for miles, hair on my head burnt off from the blistering heat from the fire. With six of the dark masters evil servants disposed of my journey was nearing the end.

My journey then carried me into the deserts of Dzoglantido , water was scarce but a messenger had come informing me that one of the Dark masters’ servants was within this vast desert.

Day by day I searched through every sand mound it only brought me closer to death, during the night of the first full moon of the year I had made contact with the enemy.

Sand was swept up as someone walked towards me. A dark wave approached me, I soon realized this was not a wave but a sheer massive army on its way to capture my homeland. Grabbing my sword with all my might, an icy cold shiver ran down my spine as the darkness closed in.

It was the Dark Lord’s right hand man, he dismounted from the Orc’s saddle and approached me with a sword on his back, and wielding a bow. I charged at him and he began to pull back on the bow string, the bow string began to flex. I sliced open his neck and with a twang the arrow fired from the bow and planted itself into my left shoulder. A pain like none before came over my whole body. His whole army retreated with a roar of fear. I was left wounded on the ground. Many days later a trader from my homeland came across my wounded body. He picked me up and loaded me upon us cart. I was taken back to where my journey had started all those days ago. Now the hope of finally taking the life of the Dark Lord was nearly out of reach. Would I ever get the chance to lay a sword upon him.

 

i like it
especially causes its fiction/fantasy

 

Excellent.
I would give it an A. It was very well written, and I was drawn into it from the beginning.