Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster

Think your religion is true? THINK AGAIN! The Flying Spaghetti Monster is the real God, all the other God's are just made up. The Flying Spaghetti Monster is an invisible and undetectable being that created the universe with its noodly appendages.

You can start now by incorporating The Eight "I'd Really Rather You Didn'ts" into your life.

1. I'd really rather you didn't act like a sanctimonious holier-than-thou ass when describing my noodly goodness. If some people don't believe in me, that's okay. Really, I'm not that vain. Besides, this isn't about them so don't change the subject.

2. I'd really rather you didn't use my existence as a means to oppress, subjugate, punish, eviscerate, and/or, you know, be mean to others. I don't require sacrifices, and purity is for drinking water, not people.

3. I'd really rather you didn't judge people for the way they look, or how they dress, or the way they talk, or, well, just play nice, Okay? Oh, and get this into your thick heads: woman = person. man = person. Sam = Sam. One is not better than the other, unless we're talking about fashion and I'm sorry, but I gave that to women and some guys who know the difference between teal and fuchsia.

4. I'd really rather you didn't indulge in conduct that offends yourself, or your willing, consenting partner of legal age AND mental maturity. As for anyone who might object, I think the expression is go fuck yourself, unless they find that offensive in which case they can turn off the TV for once and go for a walk for a change.

5. I'd really rather you didn't challenge the bigoted, misogynistic, hateful ideas of others on an empty stomach. Eat, then go after the bitches.

6. I'd really rather you didn't build multi million-dollar synagogues/churches/temples/mosques/shrines to my noodly goodness when the money could be better spent (take your pick):
A. Ending poverty
B. Curing diseases
C. Living in peace, loving with passion, and lowering the cost of cable.
I might be a complex-carbohydrate omniscient being, but I enjoy the simple things in life. I ought to know. I AM the creator.

7. I'd really rather you didn't go around telling people I talk to you. You're not that interesting. Get over yourself. And I told you to love your fellow man, can't you take a hint?

8. I'd really rather you didn't do unto others as you would have them do unto you if you are into, um, stuff that uses a lot of leather/lubricant/Las Vegas. If the other person is into it, however (pursuant to #4), then have at it, take pictures, and for the love of Mike, wear a CONDOM! Honestly, it's a piece of rubber. If I didn't want it to feel good when you did it I would have added spikes, or something.

Also, Pastafarians celebrate International Talk Like a Pirate Day on September 19. And we dress up as pirates to help stop global warming. We believe that Global Warming is a direct result of the number of pirates going down. In the last few hundred years, the temperature of the earth has been going up as the number of pirates has been going down. Therefore we must dress up as pirates to stop global warming.

The central belief is that there is an invisible and undetectable Flying Spaghetti Monster, which created the entire universe "after drinking heavily." All evidence for evolution was planted by the Flying Spaghetti Monster, in an effort to test Pastafarians' faith—a form of the Omphalos hypothesis. When scientific measurements, such as radiocarbon dating, are made, the Flying Spaghetti Monster "is there changing the results with His Noodly Appendage."

The Pastafarian belief of heaven stresses that it contains beer volcanoes and a stripper factory. Hell is similar, except that the beer is stale, and the strippers have VD.

Still think that the Flying Spaghetti Monster is fake? Prove it.

May you all be blessed by His noodly appendage and I hope you make the right decision, or else you will be damned to an eternity of stale beer and strippers with VD. RAmen.

 

OMG I KNEW SOMEONE WOULD POST A THREAD LIKE THIS!

the flying spaghetti monster owns

 

lol wtf

 

Well, I'm convinced.

 

Please spare me my dignity, I didn't need to see something that small.

 

Get past the funny shit it has a good point, good thread

 

I think I found my new religion.

 

haha I made a post about this too, long long time ago....
Good thing you remembered me about this, it was hella funny to read it, and that essay with my friends, I got like a 5.5/10, not that great XD



(the old locked post: http://sythe.org/showthread.php?t=230312)

 

The FSM is invisible, dumbshit. That picture is obviously inaccurate.

Please explain this:

Explain why the FSM didn't show himself for millions of years and just decided to show himself to some college student protesting for anti-religious reasons.

And do you realize that the rise of homosexual activity is equivalent to the rise of global warming over the years? Killing fags is obviously the real solution to global warming, idiots.

 

Haha this was a good read XD, =( too bad i only read this now or i'da dressed up as a pirate last year T.T...we coulda been THAT MUCH CLOSER to ending global warming, the power of one can do much for this world!

 

Sounds good. I wanna join lol!

 

That picture is an idea of what the FSM would look like if it wasn't invisible. It is described in The Gospel of The Flying Spaghetti Monster.

The FSM doesn't show His noodlyness, he is invisible, l2read moch? This world has been blinded by Christianity and other stupid religions, therefore everyone forgot about His noodlyness. The college student was actually smart enough to research the history of the world, and in the process he rediscovered the Flying Spaghetti Monster.

Killing gay people? Are you a fucking nazi? The Church of FSM promotes bringing back a culture that died a long time ago, and you are suggesting killing people.

The human population has also been rising while global warming has been rising. Does that mean we should just start killing everyone? Good job being a fucking homophobe and singling out gay people, I bet you are a Christian.

 

Do not question His wisdom.

 

Does this religion have a name!? Aerospaghettism ftw! I think it would be a much better topic for spam tough. You do have a point, if the churches can't prove anything then they shouldn't teach anything because they really can't understand for themselves.

 

I have friends that used to be really into this.

I'm not really sure what else to say.

 

Pastafarianism.

 

Aeropastafariansm then.

 

FSM will eat you, and the beer volcano in heaven will rain down upon us all.

I was once touched by his noodley appendages.

 

This seems more appropriate for "Something For All" now...