I still love my ex

I just created this account as I need help for this chapter of my life. BEWARE IT IS VERY LONG but i will give complete detail.

I basically began dating this girl (lets call her Fan), So i began dating Fan without taking the relationship serious at all tbh. I was even honest that I did not want to fall in love with her at all as I was about to graduate High School. I fucked up because I was speaking to my ex in the beginning of our relationship because she was very suicidal and just had a very fucked life. I admit I tried various times to tell her to please leave me alone, but she would just annoy me as she had no friends and nobody else to speak to.. I will say this right now that I NEVER cheated on FAN or even thought about it. The relationship was great besides the ex part, and soon my ex was tryng to break up us up because she still loved me. SHE WAS A PYSCHO and fan saw that. I slowly began falling in love with fan and she began falling in love with me as well. Fan was a very friendly person and would be nice on social media, but i would hate how when guys flirted with her she would just "lol" at it. She even told me once "nothing will happen, theyre miles away." I knew these guys liked her and I told her but she said no and it was all in my head etc. We broke up almost for good a night when i had to pick up my friend rosa (Rosa wasnt a close friend but she would always order me ubers when i was drunk, so i wanted to return the favor) but when i got there Rosa asked if i can take my ex. I didnt wish to but she said my ex can get raped and blah blah (these girls were older already in college) and long story short they ended up sleeping over my place and i bragged about fan so much that my ex sent her a text from my phone saying "we love you"... I was trying to prove it to her that othing happened and did my best. I even promised her that i was so serious that I would throw away my university for her (which i did). I spent like 3 weeks trying to get her back and we finally got back together! everything was amazing and i was waiting for the summer to spend it with her. Things took a turn when i found out she was snapchatting a guy named Chris and i saw they were sexting and stuff she told me they were joking and none of it was serious (i know i was stupid) but w/e i trusted her and we got back. The summer was good but i began playing dota again and i slowly stopped being affectionate and i was grounded, so we would be at my house for most of the summer. Guys would flirt with her and disrespect me and she would allow it (she would tell me it was nothing) and guys would basically make fun of me. I was in love with her so much, i wanted a future and got into a university in her state. I went to the university and things began falling apart and i chose to return to my home state for our future because i was getting a good scholarship.

Now this is where shit began taking the turn for the worst...
Her first day at her college i was having wisdom teeth pain and she ignored my calls and then said "i know youre uncomfy with this but can i go to a party tonight?" I was mad and broke up with her because i just wanted her to be on facetime and make me feel better... I said i was mad for no reason the next day and wanted to get back with her and she didnt want to. She was lying she loved me and would only be mine and i had noticed she made a friend named wes. Wes would text me from her phone and shit and i thought they were just friends... Turns out we got back after a week and the night before she "cuddled" with wes and felt bad and dirty.. I was sad but somehow she convinced me and we got back together (i was so destroyed) She would go to her guys' friend dorm and i grew worried and didnt trust her. I was so childish and began having a lot of friends that were girls but we kind of restrcited it from each other and shit..... I began spending a lot of money on her and paying for flights to see her.. I was a secret and nobody besides her roommates really knew we were together. She would talk abojut guys infront of me on facetime to her roommate, i was so sad. She would use me... She led me to basically being in debt spending on average 1.2k everytime i flew out to her, buying her gifts, and what not. We ultimately broke up because she chose her guy friend over me 3 times in one week.. I still count the days weve been broken up for, check her social media, and cry almsot every night. I deactiavted all my social media and dont speak to her. Im still so hurt, Idk what to do. I want to be okay. I joined a frat BUT IM STILL SAD. I met a new set of friends that are older and very wealthy and find myself going out to party, banging groupies, doing cocaine, drinking, going to exclusive parties, BUT IM STILL SAD. Idk wtf to do and this lifestyle is honestly killing me so much. Idk wtf to do (i left out parts because i dont want to type it all) but i added shit. I gave this girl all of me and always put her before me. Why would she do this to me... I just want to forget

 

also sorry for errors, i really dont care for them much.. im sad

 

Hey mate, I know you're having a tough time. But what you need to do is really evaluate how this is affecting you mentally and physically. From what I can see, Fan just wants to have fun and is not ready for a committed and lasting relationship. You both want different things and I think it would be unhealthy for you to pursue her more.

I would suggest you focus on your studies and socialise with more people. Do not destroy your future over this. I am sorry to say this but it is quite rare to find someone at this age (university age) that will look for a lasting relationship. Enjoy life, travel, take a vacation to a different country or state if you cannot afford it. Good luck on whatever you do!

 

I only read the first paragraph but that was enough for me to know that this is not a girl you want a relationship with. A girl who is willing to sext other guys and enjoy the attention is always bad news. If you want a serious relationship, stay clear from this girl.

 

sounds like you had a lucky escape from an ego fueled narcissistic little bitch

 

You can't force someone to "love you back." It seems like she just wants something causal and isnt into the whole committed relationship yet which is perfectly normal for someone her age. I wasn't counting, but it sounded like you guys broke up/got back together 5+ times in a short period, which isn't normal.

 

It's nothing more than kids dating kids, and trying to have a long distance relationship with someone when you're both immature is never going to end well.

Learn from it and don't have the same jealousy in the next relationship. There's nothing more destructive than restricting your partner based on your own insecurities. It's her first day at college and she gets invited to a party? Of course she is going to want to go, surely you wouldn't want to be the weirdo that doesn't socialise in college..

Into the next part, it appears the girl you were with was an attention whore who played on your jealousy. If you are in a serious relationship then sexting is no joke and you should of ended it there. It seems like you just haven't had the balls to break up with her until she's finally got rid of you.

Your young, there's much more advantages to being single in your earlier years and wait to meet someone that you can ensure doesn't share the same qualities as this one. That would be my advice. Enjoy yourself.

 

Just saying you have no right to be angry at her because she wanted to go to a party and you insisted you wanted to facetime her instead. She shouldn't even have to ask you for permission & tbh i'm sorry you're sad but @ the same time from what i've read it seems like you gave her barely any space or freedom after she sexted the first time.

You spoke to your ex first at the beginning of the relationship AND you had a girl stay over in your house so you're no saint either.

You're both immature af and shouldn't be in a commited relationship tbh, you were hiding girls from her and her hiding boys from you and tbh I wouldn't be surprised if Wes didn't exist LOL. Why the fk are you getting girls to text her from your phone & guys to text you from her phone if you werent trying to wind ea other up and make ea other jealous out of spite.

Time will heal all but neither of you should be dating each other, and nobody else by the sounds of it. I did that sort of shit when I was 15 and long grew out of it by the time I went to university. Idk i'm trying to be sympathetic but you caused it as much as she did

 

Honestly, it sounds like you suffocated her in a way.

You both constantly screwed each other over. To her, it seems like a game, to you, it seems like it was an adventure. I dont really have relationship advice but you need to give her space. Woman hate it when you seem like you dont care for the most part, but be respectful at the same time. if you guys were really in love, she would understand everything just by the gestures and the way you talk to her after things are over. time heals man, and keep an open mind for the future, who knows if she will come back into your life again.

 

Sounds very dysfunctional and more heartache than its worth, my dude.

You did some wrong and so did she. But ultimately someone who's putting you in debt and sexting other guys isn't the one. Learn from it and don't run back or try and make it work every time, you're better off on ya own lad.

 

She seems to lost interest in you. Don't continue. Move on in life with someone that appreciates you.

 

true shit

 

Son

Find yourself another fine lady and fuck it up again.
That's the advantage of being young - go and drink, play, fuck around .. you've got your whole life to be sad once you get married.

 

Lol, i'm sure girls are fighting ea other to marry you because of your enthusiasm and passion to spend ur life with them!

How about he finds another girl who is ok with no commitment if he wants to continue being an immature dick like he was with his ex?

Idk if u heard, but you dont have to 'fuck it up again' and fuck other people over and use the justification of being young in order to absolve yourself from any guilt for bein a wanker ????

 

love is just a sensation in the balls my friend

 

I went thru the same shit bro, LITERALLY the same thing.... I was in your situation nothing was working out I hit rock bottom, no money, nothing.... friends were there for me. I was a big bodybuilder and I lost that. I started to pick myself back up. I found a new girl a few months later and I am so in love with her. My ex was physco they are NOT who you think they are man. Wrong place wrong time (college) everyone will cheat, lie in long distance. Dont think of it. It took me a while to get over it and now I am very happy 5 months with my new gf. Loving and caring. You will find the one, hate her, despise her trust me...

p.s - my ex broke up with her "friend" that we always argued about and broke up (they dated) now shes hitting up my phone telling me to chill and come over etc, dumb bitches bro they always come back but dont take em back.

 

My thoughts exactly. Once a whore, always a whore. Stay clear from trashy girls like this or you'll end up hurt in the end.

 

X's are before Y for a reason no need slate or be nasty about exs just learn and realise your own self worth.

How are you doing

 

Honestly mate she is not worth it, if she was she would not put you through this..
problem with love is only way to get rid of it is to be on top of some one else. and not easy when heads a mess i know brother message me

 

I know this was posted a while ago and you haven't been online, however, hopefully if you're still stuck in this situation you'll take a look at the recent replies as well.

If you're constantly thinking about the past and not the present, its time to change what you're doing to build a better tomorrow for yourself. There's no reason for you to continue to feel this way if it's as simple as breaking up - no matter how hard it is. If you want something serious, this isn't the girl for you. I believe college/her personality definitely plays a lot into this, not that her behavior is excused, but as others have said, some people are looking for casual while people like yourself are looking for more. It's simple: you aren't a match and that's okay. Live and let live.

Letting go of love hurts, but staying in this kind of relationship will hurt worse. Being able to dismiss your feelings/fears as well as call romantic/sexual encounters (even if its "just" sexting) a joke, that's emotionally abusive/manipulative. She is making you out to be the bad guy, the one who is overreacting. That isn't okay and that's not how relationships are supposed function.

If you ever need to talk, my inbox is open.