Official Jokes Thread

You're cool...

It was the mailman's last day on the job after 10 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighborhood.

When he arrived at the first house on his route he was greeted by the whole family there, who congratulated him and sent him on his way with a big gift envelope.

At the second house they presented him with a box of fine cigars.

The folks at the third house handed him a selection of terrific fishing lures.

At the fourth house he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful woman in a revealing negligee.

She took him by the hand, gently led him through the door, and led him up the stairs to the bedroom where she blew his mind with the most passionate love he had ever experienced.

When he had had enough they went downstairs, where she fixed him a giant breakfast, eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles, and fresh squeezed orange juice.

When he was truly satisfied she poured him a cup of steaming coffee.

As she was pouring, he noticed a dollar bill sticking out from under the cup's bottom edge. "All this was just too wonderful for words," he said, "but what's the dollar for?"

"Well," she said, "last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day, and that we should do something special for you. I asked him what to give you."

He said, "Fuck him, give him a dollar."

The lady then said, "The breakfast was my idea."

 

lol so original

 

Sorry if these offend you, but i found them funny.

What do you do when there is a dead black man on your lawn?
Stop laughing and reload.

What is the difference between a jew and a pizza?
The pizza doesn't scream when you put it in an oven.

What do apples and black people have alike?
They both look good hanging from trees.

Why do black people always have sex on their minds?
Because they have pubes on their heads.

What's Hitler's least favorite planet?
'Jewpiter'

Whats the difference between a Jew and a Canoe?
A canoe tips

How do you get 100 jews into a car?
Throw a quarter in it.
How do you get them out again?
Tell them Hilter is driving.

How many jews can you fit in a VW Beetle?
54, two in the front, two in the back, and fifty in the ashtray.


Have you heard about the Jewish sports car?
It stops on a dime, then picks it up

What is a Jews biggest dilemma?
Free pork

Whey do Jews have such big noses?
Cuz all the airs free.

Whats the object of Jewish football?
To get the quarter back.

Why did the Jews walk around the desert for 40 years?
They heard that someone dropped a quarter

How do you know if a chink robbed your house?
Your homework is done, your computer is upgraded, but two hours later the chink is still trying to back out of your driveway.

One day it was decided to build a bridge from Europe to America. The U.N. set up three representatives to design and build it. One American, one German and one Chinese. After a month the U.N. leader came to check out the progress. He say the American and German sitting on the ground and asks what they're doing. They tell him the design is finished, but they're waiting for the Chinaman with the supplies. The U.N. leader walks around looking for the Chinaman. When he turns the corner he is startled when the Chinaman jumps out from behind a rock yelling, "Supplies! Supplies!". (Chink talk for Surprise! Surprise!)

 

Well heres a funny one. How do you catch a squirrel? Simple go climb up the tree and act like a nut.

 

Hahahahah^

 

womans rights

 

Lolz....

 

So a horse walks into a bar and the bartender says "Why the long face"?

The best joke ever.

 

three men walked into a bar, you would have thaught one of them might have seen it!


(from lol.com)

 

Theres a ship on the ocean, the guy up in the crows nest says to the captain, CAPTAIN! Theres a ship on the horizon! the captain says bring me my red shirt.
And he goes and gets the shirt. The captains puts it on, and the battle rages on
all day and they don't lose one man. 10 minutes after the battle the man in the crows nest comes and asks the captain, why did you ask me to bring you your red shirt? So if i got shot, the crew would not see the blood, and the crew would keep fighting strong, the man in the crows nest said thats smart.

The next day the man in the crows nest says "theres 20 ships on the horizon"!
Then the captain says "bring me my brown pants"!

 

l0ol
?

 

He shit himself... I heard it before.

 

why did the noob cross the road?











cuz he couldn't tele yet. .

 

How many racists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None -- they don't want to be enlightened!

 

lmfao

 

xiao says:
hi man
xiao says:
what is your feeling
xiao says:
if i say
xiao says:
i fuck your mother


chinese joke...

 

racist:



















god flies over afrika, then he sees 100 black people. because hes happy he decides to grant everyone of them a wish. so he tells them to stand in a queue.

the first one says: i want to be white.
he becomes white.
the second one says: i want to be white, too.
he becomes white, too.
the third one says: i want to be white, too.
he becomes white, too.

they all continue wishing to become white, and the last one in the queue laughs really hard.
then the 99th says: i want to be white.
he becomes white.
then god asks why the last one is laughing.
he replies: I wish that they all become black again XD XD XD !!!!11!111!!!

 

knock knock.. whose there.. YOUR FUCKING MUM -.O

 

Racist -


why do mexicans drive low-riders?

So they can pick lettuce and drive at the same time .


what is black purple and yellow.


a black man going to a funeral


whats the difference between black people and snow tires?


snow tires dont sing when you put chains on them

 

How do you kill a man weilding a wooden shield?
A)Tinderbox LOL!