Official Jokes Thread

oh and...

nock nock
who's there?
interupting(prob spelt it wrong) cow
interupting cow wh.... moo!
hehe

 

Here is my best yo momma joke,
"Yo mamma is so ugly, her birth certificate was an apology letter!"

 

Your mum is so poor, she stole a free sample.

Your mum is so fat, she she braid's her hair it look's like stiches.

Lul

 

your mom is like a vacuum cleanor... she sucks... she blows... and then you put her back in the closet.

 

lolol

 

An eskimo was riding his snowmobile when it broke down. He got off, and noticed a gas station nearby. He went over, got the mechanic and brought him over to the machine. The mechanic bent down, fiddled with the motor, looked back up and said to the eskimo, "I think you just blew a seal."

"No," said the eskimo, "that's just frost on my moustache."

---

God spoke to Adam. "Adam I have good news and bad news. The good news is that I will give you two organs to give you great power and pleasure. I will give you a brain to enable you to think and to control the world. And I will give you a penis to give great pleasure in lovemaking."

"Sounds great God!" said Adam. "But what's the bad news?"

"You only have enough blood to work one at a time."

 

very racist but ultra funny.
Why do blacks have whites on their palms?? cause everyone has a little good in em!!!! lololololololollool

 

Geogre Bush...

lol probably been said like 400 times

 

womans rights

 

3 men go to a job interview...
the in terviewer walks in and say we "we only have one job open so youll have to answer a question... the question has no right or wrong answer but wjhoever gives the best aswer wil get the job. Since this job job requires fast thinking... the question is 'what is the fastest thing you can think of.' also you must explain your anwer."

the job interviewer points to the first guy and says "you answer first."

the first guy says "the fastest thing i can think of is the speed of sound. whenever you drops an object you hear the sound almost instantly"

the job interviewer says "good answer" then he points to the second guy and says "your next"

the second guy responded "the fastest thing i can think of is the speed of light... when i was young i lived on a farm and over night we would shut off all the power... and the next morning when we turned it back on all the lights would turn on instantly."

the interviewer said "very good reply... it will be hard to beat" then he pointed to third guy

pause...

another pause...

then the third guy finally answered "diarrheal"

the interviewer said "very interesting respeonse... explain."

the third guy explained "well... last night i woke up and it was so late there wasnt a sound... i relized i had to use the bathroom... i rushed there... and before i could turn on the light i shit my pants."

the third guy got the job.

 

Your mother is like an old tooth brush, everyone has used her.

 

Your mums soo fat that when i was watching 60 minutes she walking in front of the tv and i missed it...

lol Copright by me

 

ive got a blond joke:

There were 3 blondes on the beach trying to get across to a island, they walk around thinking and find a lamp
out comes a genie and says "i will grant u all 1 wish each"
the first blonde wished to be 100 times smart then the other 2 so she built a boat and rowed over
the next blonde wished to be 1000 times smart than the other 2 so she built a helicopter and flew over
the last blonde wished to be brunette so she walked across the bridge

***Blondes i dont mean to offend***

 

I have a scenario joke.

One day a blind guy went into a resurant for dinner. A waiter came up to him with a menu, and said "What would you like to drink sir?" He replied, "Excuse me, but im blind." "Im so sorry sir, let me get-" The blind man said, "No, no! Don't worry about it, just get me a dirty fork off a table."

The waiter looking confused, as he brought the blind man a dirty fork. The blind man sniffed it for 3 seconds, and replied to the waiter, "Mmm, this smells like macaroni and cheese. Il be taking that." The blind man ate, and went home.

The next day, he went there to eat lunch. The waiter spoted the blind man, and retrieved the man a fork. The blind man replied "il have what this guy had." The waiter, still shocked by the blind man, gave him the food. He ate and left.

The next day, he went there to eat breakfast. The waiter spotted him, but this time, he wanted to trick the blind man. The waiter sat the blind man down, and he said, "il go get a fork sir, be right back." He went into the kitchen, and told his wife "Sarah, i need your underwear real quick." "WHAT?! Why do you need them??" His wife yelled.
"I want to trick a blind man; im going to rub your underwear on a clean fork, and i want to see how the blind man replies!" She disgustingly gave him her underwear, and he rubbed a fork on it.

The waiter came back with the fork, handing it to the blind man. The blind man replies "Hmm...I didn't know that Sarah worked here."

 

NICE!

 

yeh

sarah is your momma

i is the blind man

 

Lul.

 

I've heard like a million George W. Bush and Jew jokes.

 

lulz racist one sorry.

whats the different between black people and dog shit?

when dog shit gets old it turns white and stops stinking.

 

Stacked's jokes were the funniest.