Somewhat of a song I wrote.

Occasionally I write minor songs, books & lyrics for small children at the local hospital.
(It is optional for my real job at the bank, to give in some hours for community service, and still get paid for as minimum wage)

But as for this moment I'm writing a song for my self as seeing it through the perspective of another.

I'm not a genius at my work, but please show me some feedback, comments and help me out to finish this so called "song/lyric".

I'm not completely finished with the "song/lyric" yet, but I'm hoping with some suggestions I will be sooner.

 

What your doing now is like nothing I've done before
What your doing now is like something I did long time ago.

Fix that and you're good.

 

Check out Aeon Spoke. Their lead singer did songs for dying people at hospitals and has some nice progressive songs.

 

Sounds like relying on others to gain your own identity. Not a very good message in my opinion...

 

actually its pretty just when you finish it try not to go with a sad perspective (i mean most storys are sad) and 2 thumbs up with the hospital kid part

 

i dont like it personally but hey always nice to helpo the kids at a hopspital no matter what?

 

hmmm to repetative keep it up though

 

Wait, how? It's not repetitive at all...Care to explain?

 

Stick to your dayjob...

 

Spending your whole day on Sythe is a lot better, right?
Seriously, you're a dick.

 

sure
see the first to line what your doing now is a couple of time
found a way is said a couple of times
same with explain/know myself

i shouldnt realluy say repatitive just some of the words are
your doing a good cause though dont quit

and dont listen to some of these people..

 

Not really digging it seeing as it doesn't make sense in alot of ways.

hey, dont write your self off yet
its only in your head you feel left out
or looked down on
just try your best
try everything you can
and dont you worry what they tell themselves
when your away

Just sing them that lol.

 

ever thought of using the word fuck in the songs u rite?

 

Fuck no. That would fucking fuck it the fuck up.

 

HAHAHHA!

I agree with some of the people above--the song didn't make too much sense--was extremely repetitive--as in--repetitive meaning (as well as lyrics)...if you are going to attempt to write a decent song--you have to be steadfast with your meaning--I think you cared more about rhythm than you did meaning--but rhythm can only bring you so far--its good lyrics that people remember--or catchy--whatever, you can choose a word of preference. It is nice that you write songs for kids at a hospital, but as someone mentioned ealier, I'd stick to the day job..

 

ok ok, i could do better =p

 

If you read the whole post, it says he's not finished yet you fucking cockboats.