Is it okay for parents to hit their children?

It isn't easy. If it doesn't improve he might want to consider seeking help.

I don't exactly believe in this "pussification" of our society either. I hear this a lot from people who are self-proclaimed successes of the corporal punishment cycle, but to me I just see an unnecessaary jadedness.

 

I was raised to have respect for adults and others possessions. My dad would slap the taste out of my mouth if I acted like that. So I didnt act that way and knew better. I see the way kids treat their parents and run their households, It's fucking embarrassing. People need to step up and take responsibility and, If it means physically beating your kids ass then so be it. Now I dont believe in abusing your kids. Im just talking about a good belt across the ass. My little brother tried pulling some shit on my dad growing up. He didnt do his chores and got caught stealing from my dads wallet. My dad whoop'd his ass. My brother turned around and told him he was going to call child services and wanted to live with our mother. My dad went right into his room and packed his shit. Called the grey hound bus station and got a price on a ticket. Loaded his stuff into the truck and told my brother alright lets go. We drove him to the bus station (whole way my brother balling his eyes out) My dad told him to get out and have a nice life. My dad worked his ass off providing for us kids and did the best he could. He wasnt going to be undermined or threatened. Straight up called my little brother's bluff and put him in check. My brother never tried that shit again. He begged to stay and must have realized how good life was living with our dad. Kids think life is so easy and going to be handed to them on a silver platter. My dad taught us how hard life really was and how much worse it could be. Being a man isnt easy and sometimes a good ass kicking resets your way of thinking. I know I was hard headed and deserved every one I ever received. My dad rarely ever slapped us or struck us anywhere other then our ass cheeks. I earned a couple slaps over the years for sly remarks but that was it.

 

Once when I was 3 I got spanked for trying to smoke a cigarette. Never touched one again until i was 13 and been smoking since lol! Regardless kids are going to be kids no need to hurt them physically.

 

No it's not fine, child abuse, stop it. Control yourself and remove your anger out on something else not your own children.

 

Closed fist? No
Ass whooping for correction? yet.

 

I believe spanking is justified. However, I don't think beating a child is acceptable. There is a difference between senseless violence and teaching a child a lesson with a few slaps to the behind. I was spanked as a child, and I think it definitely taught me not to do certain things. It showed to me to have respect for my parents and other things. Sure there are other methods of discipline like time-outs, but I don't see anything wrong with a spanking sometimes when a child deserves it. If you raise a kid in a household with no discipline they will have no respect for others or you when they grow up.

 

Yes in a way, it's a form of discipline especially in Asian countries! They sometimes even use chairs ya know.

 

There's two types of hitting: one is abuse, and the other is discipline.

Sure, you can hit your kids to discipline them but in what way are you hitting them? Closed fist? Open hand? That's abuse.

If you're tapping a four-year-old on the butt because they drew on the wall, nothing's wrong with that. Everything is relative, especially with strength.

I wasn't really hit as a kid. Maybe a few times when I was really young, nothing I can take note of or particularly remember. I didn't have a problem with learning my lessons quick and avoiding even the slightest of physical discipline. I became a behaved kid with a few taps on the butt. Some kids don't learn that quick, or they may just naturally have issues behaving due to having too much energy. They're kids. They don't know anything. That's how they behave, so I wouldn't necessarily even consider it misbehaving. Don't beat them because they can't control themselves before they're able to comprehend what it means to behave.

With age comes expired discipline. At some point, you have to make the switch from physically disciplining your kid to explaining things to them so that they can make the conscious choice of doing what's right.

When you beat a kid, that's not teaching them to behave. That's teaching them that the person who is supposed to protect them, protects them by hitting them. That breeds future problems with both personal confliction and probably replication to their own family in the future.

I personally would skip the physical discipline part myself when I have kids and skip straight to the educational stand point.

 

I personally just don't get how parents have to resort to physical discipline. Are they inarticulate? Are they losing arguments to their children, in the sense that they literally are incapable of explaining to a child why something is wrong?

I feel that if you're that incompetent at dealing with kids, you probably shouldn't have any.

 

Typically, the age range for physical discipline is normally after the infant stage and before pre-school. This is the age range referred to as "Terrible Two's". In this age range, reasoning and taking away of privileges do not work. Through my experience, I found that sitting on the step was good in most cases. However, you can find you need to increase the punishment due to the child screaming on the step or refusing to stay on the step. The next step for me was to be put to bed, if the behaviour continued then it was time for a spanking. Very few instances where it had to resort to that, and typically once they knew they'd pushed it too far they didn't continue because of the eventual outcome.

I imagine you're from the generation that is used to things going their way. I guarantee you will find yourself in a situation when you have kids where you realise it doesn't quite work like it does in your head.

My kids are very well behaved and are great whilst being supervised by other adults, they're also very well mannered/polite and I'm very strict and consistent on their behaviour to ensure this is how they behave.

If that in your opinion is incompetent then you are a little misguided.

 

No, I've had to help raise my cousins. I've never had a problem correcting bad behaviour. I've never had to physically strike a child to make them understand. Ever.

I'm sure they are. I wonder what they'd be like if you hadn't hit them?

 

Helping raise a cousin is not equivalent to being a parent, you should't base your opinion on parenting from this.

I imagine the stages where defiance was prevalent would have been far more difficult and likely of not worked.

For example; Once the final step was reached at the child was put to bed, they would continue to scream and escalate to destruction of their room or leaving the room. What would you suggest in this case, bare in mind a simple controlled spanking ( not through emotion or frustration ) worked and the child learned they'd pushed it too far and ceased to escalate their behaviour.


This basis is very subjective and is down to the tolerance of what behaviour the parent is willing to put up with. I have a friend, much older that me with similar aged children. He's quite happy for his children to scream in his ear whilst he's on the phone, be cheeky with no manners and control their own bedtime. He puts down their behaviour to being 'overly active'. However, in my opinion it's bad control of their behaviour. He also disagrees with spanking.

I personally feel punishment in schools should be returned; Such as the cane. Youth of today are under no threat of consequence at home or at school due to people who disagree with disciplining their child. It's not an accurate representation of life as an adult. As an adult your behaviour has direct consequence.

 

Of course not. I've still never had to hit a child. Neither have their parents. It's really not that difficult to get a child to do what you say without violence.

I don't know what particular method I'd have used to control them. There's no one-size-fits-all approach to raising children, it depends on the particular child. I'm sure hitting them worked, I'm not saying it doesn't, I'm saying that there are better methods.

That isn't really relevant, as not hitting your children doesn't equate to not disciplining them. You can discipline them without having to physically strike them.

No. Nobody has a problem with disciplining children, people have a problem with HITTING children. If you can't convince a literal child to do something without beating them, that's your problem. A child shouldn't suffer because you can't figure something out.

I mean, come on, not only is "don't hit children" common sense, but actual science supports it:

spanking children long term effects - Google Scholar

If you think you're in a good position to raise a child, do 30 seconds of research. It's worth it.

Actually, it's a GREAT representation of life as an adult - nobody's going to start physically striking you. If they do, they get arrested and you can potentially sue them.

 

It's not alright. By hitting your children you're teaching them to hit theirs, and potentially even be abusive with other people but their children.

 

Too a certain degree. Their is two levels. One is discipline and one is domestic violence.

 

Like I say, you cannot really state you've "never had to hit a child" when you are not a parent, and you're taking what I'm saying to the extreme, you talk "hitting" a child, as though it's a frequent approach for any minor infraction. When I've clearly stated it was once all other methods had been exhausted and then it was a "spanking" a controlled spank.

Can you provide an example of a better method?

Like I've stated previously, after the infant stage and before pre-school; reason and taking away of privileges do not work. So how could you discipline this example? If you cannot, then you are allowing that behaviour to manifest.

The top 3 searches returned for exposure to lead at a young age. Your language is suggesting a conversation we're not having. I do no support beating your children. I support a controlled spanking when it requires it. I also support the cane in schools due to first hand seeing the effects of children in no fear of consequence in schools.

I completely disagree.

I'm talking how our social construct is consequential to your actions. If you choose to behave a certain way then you will find yourself facing consequences based on the choice.

This could be law-breaking or anything less than. A lot of the reasons people do not do something is because of the consequences they'll face for doing so. Otherwise, why would laws exist.

So your actions have consequences. The argument you provide is against that, and doesn't reflect adult life.

You're essentially allowing a child to go through their lives until they reach a point these consequences can affect them and they have no real experience with them nor the severity of them.

 

Is it okay? no, they're defenseless. Does it work? yes.

parents who hit their kids do it because they're insecure about their parenting skills, and frustrated that they raised a loud spoiled whining brat. at least that's what I have observed. Or they're just uneducated/ignorant.

fuck abusive parents. When I was young starting in maybe 3rd grade my dad used to do fucked up shit like fold my arms behind my back like the cops do when they restrain someone and then sit on me while I screamed. or go way too far on that "mercy" game. mostly stuff that didn't leave bruises. It was borderline sociopathic and me and him fought (like fist fights) from when I was 14 and getting beat and sleeping at friends houses, to when I turned 17 and finally hit him over the head with a skateboard and strangled him on the living room floor. Now that I'm 22 I can cockily beat him in a fight and I'm sure he regrets being an abusive parent.

 

Literally nobody I know has had to hit their children, regardless of whether it was "controlled" hitting or not. I'm not taking anything to the extreme. Spanking your children is literally striking them to inflict pain because you can't control them otherwise.

As I said in my very last post:

Parenting classes exist for the incompetent.

If the particular way that you implemented the taking away of privileges doesn't work, I suspect the fault lies with you, given that it's a heavily recommended method of parenting.

How to discipline a preschooler - Today's Parent

Whoops, my mistake. Try:

spanking children - Google Scholar

Again, 30 seconds of research. This is your child's mental well-being, after all. If you're a parent, you need to care about it.

It seems that you're under the impression that not beating your children = not teaching them consequences. Please, for the love of God, take a parenting class.

Honest question - are you 100% incapable of disciplining a child without beating them? Can you literally not think of a single other way? Please, tell me if you've been able to discipline a child without physically striking them.

 

Again, taken to the extreme example. It's not that you cannot control them, it's stopping a behaviour early in it's track. Some may agree, some may not. Like many other people have stated, there's a big difference between a controlled spank and beating your child.

Condescending.

"Taking away privileges
The experts call this discipline tactic “response cost,” and it’s not recommended for preschoolers. Consequences such as taking away screen time or telling your four-year-old he can’t have dessert if he doesn’t eat dinner will work better for older kids who can truly understand the notion of losing something they want."

Perhaps you should read what you suggest reading. 'I suspect' you do not know what you are talking about.

Well, I've read - so far - the top 3 articles, some of which are to purchase PDF books and the other derives a conclusion that women spanking their children 2.1 times per day results in a greater chance of Anti Social Behaviour. These are not related to what I support. I've already stated spanking for minor infractions is the wrong approach. Perhaps you should consider finding some evidence to argue this point rather than literally posting a google search and expecting me to read through about 100,000 different theories on the issue. This doesn't support your claim and shows a lack of interest to support your claims.

It's like you read what's written and conjure it into your own imagination.

This literally makes no sense to the conversation I am having with you.

I'd say I couldn't count and fill both hands the amount of times I've had to spank my children. As well as that, I've never had to spank my daughter. As you say, each child is different and she responded better to the greater escalation of punishment than my son did.

'It seems' you do not consider what has been previously said. You said spanking has no reflection on adult life, where-as I disagree.

In terms of cane in schools - I look at the previous generation, then this generation. Cowardly kids protected by the fact they are untouchable are not great models to mould into the realities of adult life.

It seems you cannot argue with reason and just retract to condescending language to support your points.

I say again, you have no experience in the issue, your evidence is literally a google search. Please, find something that supports your claim against my claim and we'll go from there. If you cannot argue with reason then I'm simply done talking to you.

EDIT
To add to my point - I was spanked as a child. I can honestly say I made choices in my youth that avoided law breaking situations because of the severity of punishment I'd receive for doing so. I was also raised with good manners and to respect my elders. This has had a major influence on my life and opportunities have arisen because of it. I base nearly every choice on consequential outcomes, because in my opinion my parents raised me correctly.

 

Sure, absolutely. Maybe there's a third, better, option?

A bit, but since we understand that spanking is harmful to children, and that it's possible to discipline children without spanking them...I can't think of another word.

Your link suggests that taking away privileges from infants doesn't work, but it doesn't say a word in favour of spanking. In fact, WebMD has some alternatives:

Preschoolers: Tips for Discipline and Manners

Did you read that link?

Here's a better link:

http://www.apa.org/monitor/2012/04/spanking.aspx

My whole point here is that there is significant evidence that hitting children psychologically harms them - whether it's beating them several times a day, or once in a while when you find that you cannot outsmart a child. I truly don't mean that to be condescending, but they're literally children. Children. If you cannot outwit a preschooler, you're not competent enough to be a parent. Please understand that I'm truly not trying to be rude, but unless your child is some sort of precocious super-genius, it's really not that hard to outwit them.

Each child is different, sure, and each parent has a different level of competence. I'm glad you've never had to hit your daughter. Well done.

Of course it does - it has an overall negative effect.

How well schooled are you on the sociological effects of the reduction of spanking in schools? Would you say that this is your topic of expertise, and that you are a voice of authority?

I apologize if I have been condescending, but my entire position is backed by science.

Ok.

Research on Spanking: It’s Bad For ALL Kids
What Science Says--and Doesn't--about Spanking
Psychological marks of spanking may last 10 years
Spanking and Child Development: We Know Enough Now To Stop Hitting Our Children

I'm sure I can find more, if you like.

Sure, but since you don't know how you'd have turned out if you hadn't been physically struck by your parents, you can't say that you wouldn't have avoided breaking the law otherwise. This is what I say to everybody who says "well my parents spanked me and I turned out just fine!". It's such a facile argument.