Trust issues with counselors

Im having issues trusting my drug and alcohol counselor right now. I came to her after I had a relapse with heroin after being clean for 5 months. I got into a bad frame of mind last Tuesday and for some reason decided to get high. I instantly felt like shit for it afterwards and flushed what I had left. The following day I went to my drug and alcohol intensive outpatient classes that I'm required to do for probation, and I needed someone to talk to about it because I was practically in tears when I tried to talk. And she basically just asked me if I think I'm at the right level of care and told me she legally has to tell my probation officer.

So I came to this person whom I thought was there for me because I had no one else to talk to about it. And she fucked me even harder. I'm 22 right now, and I've been in programs like this since I was 15, so I've had multiple counselors betray my trust like this and talk to my parents or probation. I just don't know how to feel about this. Has anyone ever dealt with this? I literally feel like I can only confide in my family. Which is nice, but I need moral support outside my family too and it seems like everywhere I go my counselors are just betraying my trust.

I also went to my class again tonight and basically said "this is your chance To give me one reason why I should ever come to you guys for help with personal issues again." And the guy who was there was cool about it I guess, but pretty much just told me I need to talk with my personal counselor about it because he isn't my primary. Which wasn't what I needed to hear.

And for those of you who may think "well you got high. So deal with the consequences." And I get that. I'm accepting as much responsibility as I can, but I've worked harder to get this 5 months sober then I've ever worked towards anything in my entire life. And to have one slip up fuck it all up by getting me put back in jail because my PO is a simple minded fuck who can't grasp the idea that jail doesn't promote recovery. It just hard to deal with. And I expected my counselor to be there for me but she wasn't. She says she legally has to tell him, but I have a hard time believing there wasn't any way around it. I told her verbally 1 on 1. And got fucked for it.

 

I'm in a similar situation myself, having been through treatment programmes one thing you have to think about is that if you are going to lie or be deceptive or whatever then do you really think that is going to help you get past this shit? I get where your coming from but if I could give one bit of advice it would be to bite your lip and not let it get you down, think of it as a glitch or something in your recovery and that it is in the past..

Oh, just relised your from America. They throw you in jail for anything, it just promotes that sort of behavior to an addict and is crazy. 100k nz a year to keep someone in prison or 60k to be in rehab.. Justice system is screwed..

 

Yes. The justice system is very flawed here. And that's also what I'm struggling with. I'm preparing myself for having to go in front of the judge for this. And if he does decide to be simple minded and throw me in jail, I have quite a bit of stuff I've been rehearsing in my mind. So that when that time comes, I can let that judge know exactly how flawed his decision and view on recovery is. Who's gunna listen to some addict? Probably not the judge. But Atleast my voice will be heard if I'm going to jail anyway.

 

Make sure to include the part that you instantly flushed down the rest of your stuff, because you felt like you betrayed yourself. I don't know how to they will deal with that in the USA but where I am from that's the kind of stuff they want to see/hear, because yes you relapsed once, but you feel terrible about it and instantly flushed it all. They want you to see that you don't want it anymore and are disgusted of yourself when you relapse.

Note: This is what would work in my country, I have no idea about the USA as they would lock you up for Weed aswell as far as I have heard.

I wish you the best of luck on your recovery bro and let us now how this situation continues

 

Don't know about there but we have a drug court here and like instead of being sentanced to jail you can go into treatment providing your sentance isn't longer than 3 years. You just get conditions that you have to complete the programme and abide by any extra conditions which may include a anklet with a alcohol and/or drug monitor in it..

I sat in court last week as I do when it's taking a long time to get called and this man had beaten the shit out of his wife, held a knife to his daughter and then driven away with her in the car to be pulled over drunk. He got discharge without conviction which is basically get away scott free.. and here people are going to jail for selling dope...

Tell the judge what you think if you get a crap sentance, I would let him know what I thought of his decision in the nicest way possible..

 

I told her verbally in a 1 on 1. If I'm correct that's a violation of my HIPPA rights. Unless I was a danger to myself or others that's illegal to tell my PO. And I made no indication of being a danger to anyone. I simply expressed how bad I felt for relapsing once. And that got taken out of proportion.

 

Is this a court appointed counselor or court mandated counseling?

 

Court mandated. And I live in California. I don't know if HIPPA rights vary by state or not.