About my girlfriends past

Me and my girlfriend talked about her problems and in some part I asked her about her ex and I'm kinda regretting it cos it made her cry, she said she had sex with her ex before who turned out to be a cheater, she told me that he already replaced her when they were just 5 months together and she can already feel it, they lasted 9 months, they also had sex and lost her virginity to him in their 9th month.

We talked about it and she said she's regretting it that she gave everything to someone but it's still not enough, she caught her boyfriend and the new girl when they were still together and that's when they broke up.

However I talked to her that there's nothing she can do neither can I, somehow her ex was once part of her life and I told her that she should consider that as a lesson to be smarter in life, I told her that it's not the only thing I'm after her, she didn't become my girlfriend just to meet my needs and fulfill my dreams.

I told her that I do accept that and it doesn't bother me because she didn't even know I exist when that happened and all that matters is that we're now happy together. Is it a bad thing or good thing to just accept it and move on? She also said that she lost her virginity cos she was expecting her to be the best man she knew.

It's a little bugging me but I know that I'll just get over it.

 

When it comes to this, you'll slowly need to let her get to it on her own terms. She'll become more open and forthcoming as time goes on. I was in a relationship with a girl for over a year and a half, and we didn't have sex until a bit after a year. This was because a couple years prior to us getting together, one of her exes kept pushing for sex, to the point where he pinned her down and tried to rape her. She stayed clear for a long time, vowing to stay a virgin until marriage. I was eventually able to convince her not all guys are bad, she just needs to know who to trust, and who not to. I was never too pushy, but I made the move to turn things more sexual when I felt was right, and I did so in small, incremental doses, not all at once.

But be sure you talk it out with her, so you're both on the same page. You two need to be able to talk and agree on this. It may not be about her deepest secrets about that relationship, or notpicking her psychological reasons, but just discussing that sex is off the table for now, or something like that.

A quote for you:

"If she's amazing, she won't be easy. If she's easy, she won't be amazing. If she's worth it, you wont give up. If you give up, you're not worthy. ... Truth is, everybody is going to hurt you; you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for." - Bob Marley

 

My favorite line when it comes to situations like this is: "You have to go through hell to get to heaven."

Let her know that when bad things happen like this, it's only cause the person it's happening to can handle it.

Now for how it affects you.
You have to think about how you feel about her. Ask yourself, does it change the way you feel about her? I can't tell you how it should or shouldn't feel. If you still have the same feelings towards her, she's the one. It's nothing you nor her can control stuff like that happens all the time. It's just how you handle it that matters.

 

No more replies?

 

Past is past, if you hold onto it, it will only make it worse on both of you. Move on, it will only hold you back in every relationship if you continue to dwell on it.

 

This.

If it bugs you then you should talk to her about it, but don't be pushy about it. Be supportive and help her move on so you're both on the same page and not worrying about the past.

She'll feel better about it with time.

 

It doesn't bother me actually but is it really the right thing that I accepted it because it already happened and she doesn't even know me yet nor does she if i exist when that happened?

 

There's not really anything you can do but accept it. I'd just say don't discuss it until she feels like she's ready to and just move on with your lives together.

If it doesn't bother you there's no reason to cause her issues by bringing it up.

 

Ok thank you. ^_^

 

I still think about my wife and her ex daily, but I don't dwell on it. I don't try to, it just randomly pops in my head. At this time, there are about 0 virgins after the age of 15-16, so you will be having this problem with every girl, so if you love this girl. Move past it and don't let it bother you. Everytime you think of it, just go kiss her and tell her you love her, and remember she is with you now, not him.

 

Nothing you can do here, bud.
Let it ride out and see if it works. That's the thing with relationships, they can go wrong and you'll find someone else or they can go great and you'll stay together for ever. But as long as you're both happy with each other, you'll get through little hiccups like this in a relationship. Time heals every wound.

 

if you think she has too much of a past, then drop her and move on.