Need advice on overcoming ever increasing social anxiety

Hello Sythe.I am a 21yr old male attending a local university. Lately, the pressures of life have been hard. I am self-diagnosed with moderate-severe social anxiety. I have had increasing troubles dealing with social situations. I have trouble talking to the gas station clerk, professors, friends and parents. When I engage in a conversation, by blood pressure rises to incredible heights and I have a noticeable case of word salad (google it).

Lately, my friends have noticed by extreme anxiety and word salad which makes me even more self-conscientious. This has played a part in close friends not talking to be anymore because I have become (more) awkward and mentally/emotionally unstable. I have attempted twice now to visit a psychiatrist to get a diagnosis, both declined due to "not severe enough symptoms" and "your health insurance is not accepted here". I plan on attempting again tomorrow but its just so infuriating that a $200 appointment is worth more than my life and well-being.

"try not to care what others think" or "get over it, they're only a person like you" does not help my situation or anxiety. If you have experience with these problems gimme some advice. Life seems to be getting harder every day, I am just sick of trying to be happy.

Favorite quote from black flag: "You say things are gonna get better, All I know is, they fucking better".

 

I would go to the psychiatrist and get anxiety medicine. My dad takes it when he is really stressed and it helps him relax and not worry. Hope my advice helps, best of luck overcoming this.

 

A few years ago I didn't care about anything, could say whatever I needed to say to anyone. Then I got older and I guess the more you grow old the more stress gets to you, if that even makes any sense. I Know exactly the situation you're in, I've been there and still sometimes struggle with it. I was getting nervous at the thought of talking to certain people (yes only certain people, no idea why and how that even started) I would start shaking and instantly turn red potato as soon as I was put in a situation of confrontation or serious talk at work. My first guess was well, cigarette is fucking with my nervous system so I quit smoking and started working out, this was exactly 18 months ago. No matter how crazy this might sound, it actually worked for me, I gained my confidence back, I take deep breaths before stressful situations and tell myself to just go forward and not overthink it. I took the decision not to let myself get stepped on and say whatever I feel is right to say, regardless of how that might make the other person feel ( pretty important part of my job ) nowadays it's basically either you step up or you get stepped on. I never spoke about this to my doctor and I don't ever plan on it now that it seems to be under control.

Tl;dr started living a healthier lifestyle aka quit smoking started getting into fitness, feel much better about myself, feel better in general. Problem solved.

 

I plan on it. Thanks for the post

I do smoke cigarettes but only few very daily(1-3). I would agree I live a relatively unhealthy lifestyle but without drinking/smoking I don't have enough to look forward too. About "not getting stepped on", idk. The social anxiety of confronting or engaging in conversation with another human is devastating. Ty for the post

 

I am not saying cigarettes or unhealthy lifestyle is your issue, I am not a doctor nor a psychiatrist, simply sharing experience and hoping that maybe it could help a bit

cheers

 

This might work for you, but that's because you probably had a lower self-esteem and was more shy/not confident enough/just nervous than nowadays, obviously it's cool that it worked for you and that you feel better. Though I guess you didn't had that same type of disorder, you can't always solve these disorders by just working out or living healthier, there are cases where it's just inside of you.

I'd personally first go to a doctor/psychologist. If that doesn't help you at all, you just must try other solutions.

 

I have been actually experiencing a similar thing. It was always related to strangers, oral presentations or "not-so-close" friends. One time is just unlocked for me, but the real issue (as stupid as it sounds) is actually maintaining this "unlocking" habit and not forgetting to practice it, out of anxiety or stress.

The big factor for me: Focus on your breathing. Whenever you start feeling a rise of anxiety, or can predict a situation is going to make you stressed, just simply breath, slowly and calmly, and try and focus on your breathing. Higher blood pressure and sudden speech "impediment", for me, have been caused by anxiety and stress yes, but more specifically by the "uncalm" breathing anxiety causes me.

I am not saying take long, deep breaths, but just concentrate on your respiration.

Often enough, the reason behind this issue (for me) was overthinking situations or having too big of a flow of though when I am about to talk.

Another possible issue could be lying; I might be totally off the grid, but I'll share this with you anyway. Being younger (highschool), I developped this tendency to lie to people, mostly stupid things not to have to explain myself, and this created overly-stressful situations for me. when I finished highschool, I realized how rather stupid this was, and simply decided to be as honest as I could be. Helped me out a lot, do not have this "panic lies" issue anymore.

Here's a question for you: Do you live with family members? If yes, do you ever experience this kind of stress with them? This might help you figure out where your confort zone starts/ends, and how to extend it.

Also do you experience this anxiety when having to plan conversations, or when you are expecting one in a near future, or does it start at the moment you talk, the other person responds, looks at you, or you have to answer questions, etc.

The more you manage to cease the specifities of your anxiety, the more you can work around it, understand it or even get rid of it.


Another great solution for anxiety, I've heard (especially if it is handicapping your life to the extent it seems to be for you) is meditation/relaxation. I am not saying do yoga, but try and have relaxing moments during your day, where you slowly and calmly breath, listen to peaceful music maybe, or just lay down and try and relax. You need to try and find what has a relaxing effect on you and try to exploit it.

Finally, another great way to fix anxiety issues, stupidly enough, is sport. I personally hate the whole concept of gym, which is to me, dull and useless training to gain a physical appearrance that meets societal standards. But I, personally, have a f***king blast playing football (soccer for you I would guess), handball, frisbee, volleyball (especially beach volleyball), badmington and many other sports. You might not be a sport guy, but you could try and give some sports a try. I know how hard it can be to get into those activites, but you have to do the effort, because to kill this stress/anxiety, you'll need to invest yourself physically and mentally!

Sorry for the long-ass-post, most of these you might already know, but a reminder never hurts, I just tried and expose all I can think of in terms of anxiety/social discomfort relieving. Hope this can help, if not, I'll be glad to try and help you more, if you have any personal questions, you can PM me too!

 

I have terrible anxiety sometimes. Try some of these:

Static noise / background sounds (helps you focus / feel less overloaded)

http://simplynoise.com/
http://mynoise.net/noiseMachines.php
http://www.rainymood.com/
http://naturesoundsfor.me/
http://www.jazzandrain.com/
http://rainycafe.com/​

Distract yourself (they may seem silly but can quickly avert your nervousness to something or nothing)

http://thisissand.com/
http://www.chillouts.com/relax.asp
http://thequietplaceproject.com/thethoughtsroom/?page=thethoughtsroom&lang=
http://thequietplaceproject.com/thedawnroom/
http://stars.chromeexperiments.com/
http://iwantmoar.com/3999
https://www.buildwithchrome.com/

​

Foods that exacerbate anxiousness

fried foods
high glycemic carbs
unrefined sugars
alcohol​

Foods that combat anxiety

Whole grain
Seaweed
Blueberries
Acai berries
Almonds
Chocolate
Maca root​

 

Don't view yourself as having a problem. That's only going to make yourself feel terrible. You're never going to be a social genius, just accept it. Everyone has their strengths and weaknesses.

You are who you are. As long as you try your best theres no reason to feel bad. Take time when you speak, there's no timer. You probably feel like you're speaking a lot slower then you actually are. Take a moment to build your sentence first, clearly you can build sentences.

Don't see a doctor. It's only going to perpetuate the idea that you have a problem and make you feel worse. You don't want to take any serious drugs like ***** that will give you a list of other problems.

 

Depending where you live I'd suggest cannabis indica, it possesses the chemicals THC but expecially a high dose of CBD that helps relieve stress and anxiety. During the summer I tried using antidepressants to try and get out of the hole I had dug myself and that did nothing beside give me a crapper version of cannabis as well as a continuous splitting headache from what I would guess being the chemicals affecting and messing with my brain which is what we use them for but it shouldn't be so fucking terrible.

I am in the same boat as you for the most part. I have been terrible with people for a majority of my life starting sometime in late elementary, so as stated before over time we let stress affect us more and more which is completely true for most people.

This is a "drug" that has been used for similar medicinal and more complex issues since the beginning of time but for the past 40 years has been a horrible crime to use, but in todays age is working its way back into the medical community.

Ive been to therapists and doctors for years starting from a young age and wasting my parents money in doing so just to fix a problem with myself that no one but me can feel and try to work on. So as you said, this is self diagnosed. Same as me and same as a majority of recreational users. but if you are somewhere that it has become legal you can get a medical card for a small fee and a trip to a local doctors office. otherwise, in most towns you cant shake a stick without hitting a drug dealer willing to sell some "weed".

I know this isnt a happy work through it post but I hope it helps. If you have any questions or want to talk more please add me on skype or pm me.

 

I have the same as well as bipolar disorder. Together it's a nightmare. I can't look people in the eyes, I can't be in a group of more than 5 people that I don't know (so business conferences are my worst nightmare). The medication sucks, it makes you overly docile in my opinion. It sucks out your spark, what makes you lively. Roary's post is good also I found it doesn't cause me to have jelly legs as often when I keep a diary of my day, generally the more confident I feel the less severe it is, because I keep myy entries positive my confidence rises = less episodes.

 

I suffer from horrible social anxiety and to deal with it I smoke lots and lots of beautiful flowers known as marijuana. I still feel like i'm under some kind of pressure in most social situations, unless i'm with people i'm close with and especially with public speaking, but weed helped me out man. It's not necessarily for you, but trying it will not hurt. I do not recommend pills from the doctor unless you really feel you need it because i've taken them and they did not help as well as I know people who are on them and cannot function AT ALL without them.

Pretty much you have to find some way to know in your brain that the guy working at the gas station does not give a single fuck about what you do or say. I've been getting a lot better of being aware of this in the past year, it really just takes time/practice.

If somebody makes fun of you for being awkward, tell them you suffer from depression. Not only does it alert them to the situation, but it makes them either feel like a cocksucker or they will still make fun of you, in which case everyone else thinks they're a cocksucker.

I really wish you the best of luck as somebody going through the same.

 

Maybe go out and make more friends and spend more time with them as well with your family hopefully you'll get through it just fine.

 

How do you feel about alcohol? Do you drink socially? If not, consider it in a safe setting with some friends you trust. It's a great social lubricant, and makes talking to people much easier. This could give you more confidence talking with people, even when you're not drinking.

 

My nigga.

This thread may interest a man of your tastes: www.sythe.org/music/1676665-punk-rock-its-many-sub-genres.html

As for your anxiety, I too suffer with social anxiety however mine manifests itself differently. I get angry/frustrated when anxious, mainly in big groups of people. My doctor put me on *****, which I promptly started misusing and manipulating my doctor into giving me more and more. Got up for 5mg a day, 2.5 bars for those counting. I was promptly hooked and ended up way worse off than I was to begin with. Not saying this will happen to you, just saying its a very real possibility, one I may of been inclined towards due to drug issues in the past.

Tapered off and am now not taking any medication whatsoever and am doing a bit better granted I smoke a ton of pot. Smoking herb helps me a lot, not even necessarily being stoned but say taking 1-2 rips in the AM generally makes my day a little easier.

Sorry I can't be of more help. Goodluck man.

 

I suffer some minor anxiety but it can get really bad sometimes.

There are very specific times in which it happens
1) I think about getting nervous before speaking (this only happens in groups)
2) I'm in an intense conversation (mainly arguments with anger and strong emotion or something really serious)
3) Public speaking
4) Or events that you know are coming up like job interviews.

I have no solutions to 2-4. For 1) all I can think of is not thinking about it, even if the slightest thought comes to your brain just divert away from it

As someone mentioned this only occurred to them as they grew older, same shit for me. It came out of nowhere

I can't give much advice to you as I'm figuring it out myself, but just thought i'd share and let you know that you are NOT alone.

Best of luck

 

Nothing more to say, good luck!

 

It's a fact of life that insurance is a pain in the ass. If the symptoms noticably interfere with your life, then it's severe enough to be treated. Although, I'd warn you not to expect miracles even if you do start treatment; medication, when you eventually find one that works, can only help with part of social anxiety, and changing the way you think is a slow process.

As far as your friends noticing, unless they've specifically mentioned it, it's hard to tell. It's easy to be paranoid that people know a secret you're worried about, and a common feature of social anxiety is feeling certain you know the thoughts people around you based on little evidence.

[As I've admitted in another help thread, I have moderate to severe social anxiety; I suspect it's not particularly rare on this site.]

 

I don't think my anxiety is as bad as you but when I get it I have attacks that last weeks. The best remedy for me is reminding yourself of times you've been in a similar situation but everything ended up being okay. Works with social interaction too. Might not work for everyone but it's done wonders for me.