Dirty Joke Thread

What's the lesbian motto?

There's no penis between us.

Keep it going...

 

two pigs fall into a mud puddle, three come out. So dirty.

 

Old But Gold:

As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman."

She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?"

A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!".

 

my grandfather did not die in iraq during world war 1 for your freedom so that you could make disgusting, vile jokes. you sick fuck

 

Haha.

 

There's a FAG between Y and I on your keyboard... look!

 

Your face.

 

while at urinal, written on wall-

"why are you looking here? The jokes in your hand."

 

Your mother

 

yo momma

 

yor moms

 

yur mommy

 

your legal guardian

 

1_What's the difference between Paul Walker and a computer? I give a fuck when my computer crashes.

2_My Grandpa said, "Your generation relies too much on technology!" I replied, "No, your generation relies too much on technology!" Then I unplugged his life support.

3_What do you call a five year old with no friends? A sandy hook survivor.

4_What's the worst thing about breaking up with a Japanese girl? You have to drop the bomb twice before she gets the message.

5_What's got 5 arms, 3 legs and 2 feet? The finish line at the Boston Marathon.

6_What did the boy with no hands get for Christmas? GLOVES! Nah, just kidding... He still hasn't unwrapped his present.

7_How do Ethiopians celebrate their kids first birthday? By putting flowers on the grave.

8_How did Rihanna find out Chris Brown was cheating on her? She found another woman's lipstick on his knuckles.

9_How can you tell if your wife is dead? The sex is the same but the dishes start piling up.

10_Why do Mexicans never have Sex Ed. and Driver's Ed. on the same day? They have to give the donkey a break at some point.

11_Most black 15 year-olds in this country are decent, law abiding citizens. It's their kids who cause all the trouble.

12_How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb? Don't be stupid, feminists can't change anything.

13_What is a pedophiles favorite part about Halloween? Free delivery.

14_So I painted my laptop black, hoping it would run faster… Now it doesn't work.

15_What do you tell a woman with two black eyes? Nothing, you already told her twice.

16_How do you fit 4 queers on a barstool? Flip it upside-down.

17_How many women does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None,they just sit in the dark and bitch.

18_Did you hear about the two car pile up in Mexico? 200 Mexicans died.

19_What's a pedophile's favorite part of a hockey game? Before the First Period.

20_How do you swat 200 flies at one time? Hit an Ethiopian in the face with a frying pan.

21_How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb? One, she just holds the bulb to the socket and waits for the world to revolve around her.

22_Girls are like blackjack… I'm trying to go for 21 but I always hit on 14.

23_Why does Stephen Hawking do one-liners? Because he can't do stand up.

24_Did you hear the Score of the Egypt vs Ethiopia soccer game? Egypt 8, Ethiopia didn't.

25_How many cops does it take to change a light bulb? They don't. They arrest the bulb for being broke and beat the room for being black.

26_What's 9 inches long, pink, and makes my girlfriend scream when I put it in her mouth? Her miscarriage.

27_How does a black woman know she is pregnant? When she pulls her tampon out the cotton is already picked.

28_Whats the difference between George Zimmerman and Trayvon Martin? Zimmerman knew how to dodge a bullet.

29_One time I fucked this chick so hard, she almost came back to life

30_I don't understand why Obama has to give his speeches behind bullet proof glass. I mean,I know he's black and all, but I doubt he'll shoot anyone.

31_What do you call a woman who thinks she can do anything a man can do? Wrong.

32_Whats the difference between a hippie chick and a hockey player? A hockey player showers after 3 periods.

33_What's the difference between cancer and Black people? Cancer got Jobs.

34_What do Sarah Palin and Iron Man have in common? They both had a downey jr inside of them.

35_What's a word that white people can call white people, but black people can't call black people? Dad.

 

Me: "I'm nervous... I've never been with a prostitute before..."

Her: "It's alright just tell me what you like."

Me: "I like turtles"

 

That is miss-0-giny and will not be tolerated.

5trin

 

i have too many of these lol

I was awaken this morning but someone touching my balls, and after a while I was getting a great blowjob.
"Wow, that was amazing," I said.
"I knew you'd like it, happy Father's Day, dad."

 

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