Sober and suicidal.....

no job, sleepin on parents back porch, no friends (cut off everyone to stay sober), no phone, no money, no ID, no job, don't get along with family, 9 previous suicide, first time sober EVER with exception of being in jail. I'm getting more and more hopeless as time goes on. I ain't got any females to fukk for a relief. (Very sad for me as I used to be a playa).

I don't know what to do, when I have been stressed/suicidal in the past I have self-medicated but that is not an option. I MUST STAY SOBER.

Can anyone help me?? Any useful advice?

It's not like 'OMG IM GONNA BLOW MY BRAINS OUT IN 5 MINS.'

I'm always suicidal, but the urge is tugging at me more and more every day........

Help??

 

You've got to want it man. Harness that shitty feeling and turn it in to productive energy. You've got to want life and you've got to take it. Small steps at a time, don't think of the whole picture at once; just get each thing down at a time.

Keep your head up buddy, I know it's rough. There's millions of people out there that are feeling the same way as you, and it's not hopeless. We're all the same and we're all capable of anything if we put our minds to it.

 

Time.

Also, the hardest part about becoming sober is realizing that not everything is going to go back to normal overnight, and it takes time to rebuild these things that you've mentioned, such as family, a job, friendships, etc.

You have to take small steps, as Roary said, and work day by day to resolve one issue at a time. For instance, your first step could be getting a job, buying a car, getting a place, inviting old friends over, and so on, but it all takes time.

Once you've done the basics, that's when you start thinking about college, and focusing on your future.

 

Thanks guys. The rough hour has passed. But these rough hours are so often lately.
Should have mentioned my best friend shit himself last month. Visited his grave today with an old mutual friend of he and I. Made my day a little better.

Thanks for your concern and advice. I truly and greatly appreciate this.

Thank you both very much.

 

My Skype's live:r0ary - hit me up if you ever need a rant

 

I was an opiate addict for nearly 10 years and I still struggle with it all the time. I think about heroin daily. I've also struggled with benzos, meth, crack, ketamine, all kinds of drugs. Still the only drug that truly satisfies now is opiates. I don't crave anything else other than maybe weed a little bit. I've been to multiple rehabs, none of which really helped all that much in the long run. The main thing that helped me was just getting myself away from drugs. I was sober for the first time in years, so it was completely new for me. It took months to recover, but I eventually felt like a new person. I got my self esteem back, my anxiety and depression went away, felt a lot better physically, etc etc. I still didn't have my shit together even when I got out of rehab though and it took me 2 overdoses and a whole bunch of bullshit to finally get a handle on things.

The most important thing to keep you clean is keeping your mind busy. It doesn't matter what it is. Just find something that you enjoy doing. It's important to find a passion and hopefully something that you can make money off of. Boredom is a huge trigger to use drugs. Even finding someone you really enjoy being around, especially a girl. That's one of the top 3 things that has kept me clean lol. Seriously. It's important to be happy and you need to surround yourself with positive people that make you feel good about yourself. I'm not going to lie, I'm not completely clean. I smoke a shitload of weed, but I don't use drugs anymore because I have to. I'm going to be an addict for the rest of my life, but that doesn't mean I have to use. The cravings will never be gone completely, but they will definitely get better and you'll learn how to handle them. I've still dealt with soo much bullshit since I went to rehab almost 2 years ago, but I've learned how to handle it better and without always having to use drugs. I had to completely retrain myself and learn how to have fun and be happy without drugs. It's definitely a process and one of the hardest things someone can overcome. Relapses are apart of recovery too, so don't be so hard on yourself if you do use again. It's not the end of the world and doesn't mean you have to let it get out of control from using it once.

Seriously though, you need to move on with your life. Putting everything on hold is going to drive you crazy. That's the worst thing you can do when you're trying to get clean. Go get a job, save up some money, and move out of your parent's house. You will be so much happier. Trust me. It feels good to have your own place along with money, plus a job will keep you busy and your mind occupied. It takes effort to find a job and go to work everyday, but just keep doing what you need to do and it will keep getting easier until it's habit.

 

You gotta move on and just try and focus on your goals man it may be hard but try to keep your time occupied with healthy activities like exercising. When u feel down and depress find someone to talk to. The journey isn't gonna be easy but u gotta take small steps at a time. I wish u all the best for ur future endeavors man and all the best!

 

Idk what to say, but hang in there man. Just keep persevering and maybe set yourself goals, find a passion, girlfriend etc. Anything that will keep you busy and active. Maybe start going to the gym? Nothing feels better than seeing your body improve, getting stronger week by week.

 

HAHA!! Dig this shit!! Doing much better now. On some meds that are helping, and family life is much better. Moved from the porch to inside my old bedroom. Gonna talk to church people about a job and hopefully an apartment (In Utah, Mormons are cool. Grew up Mormon, haven't been to church in years until last Sunday, and again tomorrow). Things are going much better now, thanks for your concern and support. I appreciate it more than any of you could know.

Talkin' to the baby mama again (the one whom I cheated on and still love wholly and entirely). We are getting along much better although she lives 3 hours away. There is still a chance!! w333333wtt!!!!

TGOL! Taylor Gang Or LIVE!! <---- Love this shit, thanks man!!

 

Don't quit life, you only have one really. You won't reincarnate or however it is spelled and after you're dead you will be spinning around in your grave thinking "fuck, outside was much better than here". Jokes aside, think about all the pain you would cause to others! You know, when you're suicidal you think no one cares for your life but that is never true, there's always someone that will cry everyday till the rest of their lives thinking "What could I have done to help?". You will be ruinning your life and many others surrounding you.

I know you've got nothing and it feels like the bottom of the pit, but let's formulate a plan here:

- You can live in your parents house until you find necessary, they love you and they just want to help. If they ever pressed you to get out (idk if this happened) it's just because they want a better life for you, just like you do, not because they wanna get rid of you. So you got somewhere to live, you're already better off than millions of other people, yey!
- First step would be to get a job, as you mentioned yourself, as shitty as it may be, it's a job. Worst case scenario, you will still be earning money and keeping your mind off of fucked up shit like suicide or meds or whatever for like 8 hours a day or so. Cool, now you're a busy dude!
- Second step would be to find a hobby that you can afford with your new wager, or even a hobby that doesn't cost anything. Any sport that you like, going to the gym, collecting something, bird watching, whatever you like. This will keep your mind off of more fucked up shit.
- Third step, now that you got your life somewhat organized would be to start making some new friends, which will probably just happen naturally since you now are around more people (at your job, your gym, etc). Also, peace at home is essential, so work on your relationship with your parents if you haven't done that already.
- Fourth step would be to get a girlfriend, but ofcourse this is not something that you go to the shop and buy, it may or may not happen, but you know that going to certain places or doing certain activities make it more likely o happen. Go out on a friday/saturday night with your new friends, or even alone, and start bonding. There are plenty of other single people out there desperate for some human interaction.
- Fifth step, now that you got a busy life you need to find a relief, something that will keep your stress levels down. This can be the hobby that you choose earlier or something new. As someone said, marijuana is a good relief really. If you have drug problems though, I wouldn't advise getting into marijuana. I know its not a gateway drug and all but still, it's a drug, and I never tried anything more that marijuana/hash so I don't know whether it'll do good or bad to smoke a joint in your position. If you only tried pills and that sort of shit, throw it all away and start smoking a marijuana joint at night, after coming from work, whenever you are feeling stressed.

Ok I don't know anymore steps and I don't even know if these make sense to you, or to anyone, but I just don't want you to throw away your life. It actually means something to me, even though I have no ideia who you are. It means something to me because I had mildly suicidal thoughts a couple years ago and now I have a beautiful girlfriend who I love more than anything and I think "If I did commit suicide, I wouldn't even have met her, and I would me missing so much". You just gotta keep living until you find something like this, that fills your heart with hope and desire to live.

If you ever need to talk just hit me up with a PM!

Don't give up man

 

Head up man, try engaging in sporting activitys getting in better shape will make you feel better and feel like your doing something productive helps alot.

 

Thanhks again guys. I rather enjoy your 5 step advice Membership. Well thought out and very helpful. Thanks, g.


Here's a pic of my son. He's doing his mean face. Haha!! I haven't seen him in person in over 2 years. His mom and I are talking a lot more, which has been good for both of us. He doesn't know me as 'daddy' but he will soon.
Jay C. Smith

 

You're very welcome, now it's time to put it in practice! I didn't know you had a son, there's one BIG BIG reason to not give up on life, your kid deserves to have a good father that cares and provides for him! Reconnecting with him and his mother is a very good start too Wish you all the best mate

Cute kid btw

 

You don't have a strong enough reason to even think about ending your life. If you didn't want to live, you would've ended your life long before making this thread. These thoughts are nothing more than negative energy brought to you by your still depleting self-esteem. This is really a mental health issue which is quick to resolve.

You cut ties with your old friends? Make new ones.

Having problems with your family? Resolve it.

No job? Get one.

These things won't be easy depending on how you go about them, but it definitely isn't impossible. Don't make excuses for yourself.

This is just criticism. There is no need to think about suicide when your problems are so miniscule and easy to resolve.

 

The steps I'd advice you to take are:

1. Find a job and keep it for atleast 6 months.

2. Talk with your parents. I don't mean "Hi, how is it going" but "When I was younger you did X Y and Z and I really didn't like it, it made me search for help in alcohol...". Lisen to this guy and thank me later: https://www.youtube.com/user/stefbot/videos

3. If your parents aren't willing to talk about the past and actualy change/admit being bad parents then you need to get away from that house. Living there made you go suicidal and do you really think it will be healthy for your child?

4. Get into therapy as soon as you can afford it. You don't sound like a person who is able to love another person as you can barely live with yourself. If you want to be a good dad to your child then you need to start working on yourself 1st. If it was up to me I'd not let you anywhere close to your child before you have gotten help.

I'm deeply sorry for what have happened to you in the past but you need to seek help. Going on as nothing has happened will backfire on you and the people around you in the near future.

You have to want it and work hard for it. This isn't something that will just fix itself.

 

I think some people are overreacting here. I'm not the one to decide if he needs therapy or not, or if he should be close to his child or not, but keep this in mind: as someone who has had suicidal thoughts before, unless you're really really bad in the bottom of the pit you still think like a normal human being, you are just not happy with your life, you don't know why you are living as you feel nothing holding you from falling down (I mean die). It's not like a person with suicidal thoughts can suddenly stab a kid in the eye or something. You still care for people, you still feel empathy, its not like you became completely imune to sentiments. It's possible to not care for your own life and care for others at the same time, and it is often the case.

Just saying, Robzombie179 you seem like a nice guy, even a happy guy from the last couple posts I saw (of course their just posts and I can't judge based on that but still). Maybe you just need to straighten up your life by yourself, feel the sense of responsability, love, "adulthood" if you want. I hope you understand what I mean by adulthood, not calling you a child but it just seems from OP that you don't have many if any responsabilities. It's totally up to you to decide if you need therapy too, if you feel you need it just don't get all mr proud guy and shit and not do it because then you will be labelled as "insane" or whatever. You'd be surprised by how many people go to therapy. Just my 2 cents

 

A. My child doenst live with me. He lives 3 hours away.
B. God Himself could not have given me a better family. E.G. My mom's only ever cussed once and I pissed her the fukk off. I think she said "Damnit!"
C. I am in thereapy with a psychiatrist, my own choices led me to be where I'm at as it is with everyone. There is nobody to blame but myself. Others (NOT my family) may have influenced my decision, but ultimately I've made the choices I did.
D. I love everyone more than most of them deserve. That is a big problem for me. I care about people that don't truly give 2 shits and a fukk about me.

Thanks for your input. And thank you also, Membership, but he's trying to help as all of you are, though I must agree that ONLY a proffesional should judge if you need professional help.

 

I just go the impression that most people think that a person with suicidal thoughts doesn't care for anything/anyone, which is in most cases not true and I wanted to clear that up. Well I'm off your thread now, if you need anything hit me up

 

I advice changing you psychiater. The household you grow up in makes all the difference in the world. There is more to it than you making bad decicions. I find it very unlikely that you had a caring mother and a father. It sounds like you are in a desperate need for understanding/love that you were lacking in your childhood. If you want to proove me wrong then you can PM me some details about your childhood(you said your mother never cussed at you but that 1 time, what exactly did you do? And what about your father? Was he therefor you? Did either of your parent actualy give you the love you needed or did they both work late hours/come home tired? etc...).

Caring and loving are 2 different things.

 

Different yet they usually go together, if you love someone you most def care for that person, the contrary may not be true but in most cases it is (care for someone but not love them). It can be friend love, motherly love, etc etc. But anyways, as the intelligent human being you seem to be I think you understood what I meant with that you quoted