Can a male be raped by a female?

The question viewed above is what this thread should encompass. It would be appreciated by other users and myself if other users do not find this as a joke. This is not a joke by any means and it is to be taken seriously. This is not the spam forum. Please go troll elsewhere. Thank you.

The question above is being asked because I feel like I was raped but all of the sources that I have read only refer to female victims in the context in which is it being discussed.

The Story:
I am going to attempt to lay-out some details so that the story makes a little more sense. I am 20 years old currently (6 days until I turn 21). I am a male. The female was 20 years old. I was at my home drinking beer as I have had a lot of stress develop in my life. I am not a drinker for many reasons that are unrelated to this question. It has only been a recent development within the last month to help with my emotions (numb myself from how I feel depressed constantly as well as suicidal thoughts). The female is my friend. I trusted her and I never expected for her to take advantage of me let alone any female as I have always felt that females are more respectful then men when it comes to personal space. I was wrong. She was texting me and I told her I was drinking. She knows that I do not drink at all either and that I get drunk quickly due to this. She asked me to come over. She is my friend so I accepted as I was just playing games and sipping on my beer prior to her coming over. She was just watching me play. She did not drink at all. I was the only one drinking. I was getting sleepy from the beer and laid down in my bed. (She has stayed the night before but we do not even share the same blanket usually as I have a girlfriend.) We have talked before and I told her that I was not interested in any type of relationship with her. I am not attracted to her sexually either for many reasons. I feel disgusted that we had sex and I do not know what to say to my girlfriend about this as I do not want to lose her over something like this.

What should I do? How do I approach my girlfriend?

 

If she knew you were drunk and purposely didn't drink so she could take advantage of you then it kind of seems that way. Although it does take two and being a male if you were to report this to the police chances are she'd turn it around on you and claim she was the victim. Idk what type of person she is but with most cases like this that's what happens.

As for telling your girlfriend, I hope you end up telling her just make sure it's the rite time and don't leave any details out.

 

I would not want to have sex with her ever. I have a girlfriend. I love her. I want my life with her. I am going to tell her. I do not know how. If she leaves me over this I will be devastated.

 

Well yes if he refuses to have sex with him and she has intercourse without his consent. Ever heard of the DATE RAPE DRUG buddy.

 

The simple answer to this question, is: Yes, a man can be raped by a woman. However, it becomes an extremely sensitive subject that you are very hard-pressed to prove. Many judges have a difficult time in pressing charges against a woman for raping a man... Mainly because it's a rather large role-reversal.

There are quite a few things that you would have to prove when taking this case to court or even to the alert of others. You would have to prove that you had no intention of having sex with the woman, that you were intoxicated to a point of inhibition of mental cognition, and on top of all of that proof that she in fact took advantage of you.

If you do truly feel violated to the point of sexually abused I would highly advise you to seek help from a sexual abuse counselor or therapist - Anything that you bring to their attention is legally closed up behind a door, unless it has something to do with illegal conduct (ie: a plan to kill someone else, etc.) - this is to my knowledge and can change varying on which state or country you reside. Most will either accept insurance or are free.

As for the issue with your girlfriend... That is again a sensitive subject. It really depends on how she feels about you, how much she trusts you, and what her relationship is with this other girl. If she trusts you completely, then I would be try to be as honest with her as possible. Express to her what happened exactly as it happened and do not lie about anything - if you lie, it will be guaranteed to come back and bite you in the butt. You must also tell her that you feel violated by what had happened and not forget to mention that. If you do with with the emotions that I'm sure you are feeling right now, I would imagine she will understand. In fact, you could ask her to accompany you to a meeting with a counselor if you trust her as much as you say.

Again, this is only my advice which is on a very-limited knowledge basis. I know what I do as I have considered law as a career option before. I am not a degree-holding psychologist or psychiatrist, nor am I a practiced victim-abuse specialist. Again, I highly advise that you see one if you do feel this way. I hope this helps (even remotely), and I'm sorry to hear this story.

 

Anyone can be raped by anyone. Rape is a tough process to prove and have settled in court and for most people isnt worth the trauma, man or woman. I would suggest getting yourself out of that situation i.e. cutting ties with said friend then letting your girlfriend know you were sexually abused if you feel violated. If you feel like going through the process of law, doing so ASAP while the situation is as fresh as it can be.

 

Damn that's crazy.vits not your fault though, but in this case your partially to be blamed for being drunk so she has the upper hand in that

 

The problem with rape, that goes both ways in a situation like this, is the intoxication. You see alcohol causes a loss of inhibitions which would normally stop you. So it could have been possibly consensual unless you were so drunk that you lost competency or you passed out. Then there is the physical problems with male rape which is the fact that it is hard to have sex without an erection. For an erection to happen you either had to have been drugged with something like viagra or you were sexually aroused - also a possible side effect of alcohol. Then finally there is the legal facts in the case, which is that it is very difficult to rape a man through intercourse due to the aforementioned erection problem. Sexual assault through oral sex is more plausible a situation, but straight out rape is difficult to prove period.

It is sad, but chances are even if you reported her to the authorities it would be near impossible to prove.

 

Are you serious man? Not to sound like a dick, but regardless if you were drinking or not, you still have some knowledge of what you are doing and there was obviously a part of you that wanted to have sex with her, even if it was a small part of you, there was obviously attraction there. You regret what you did, that's understandable, but it happened, no reason to say that she "raped" you, because that's very unlikely considering you'd have to be able to get hard to do so, so therefore if you got hard, you wanted it.

As for telling your girlfriend about it, just be straight up and tell her what happened. Don't do it over the phone or text, do it in person. And don't try to push some of the blame off onto the friend, you need to take at least some responsibility for the situation. If you tell your girlfriend what you told us, she'll just think in her head "Wow, he's really immature" or "he's not man enough to take responsibility for his actions."

But then again, you guys are still young, so idk, it might play out differently.

Good luck.

 

Guys, you really need to be more sensitive in this section. There are a couple of insensitive posts in here so far

I would guess that some do not understand sexual arousal in a rape case. What you both stated was that a guy cannot become erect without being interested in the other person, which is not true at all. There was a judge that was recently SLAMMED for what you two just claimed (even though it was a female) because it is extremely ignorant. You want to know what he said? Have a look: http://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation/2012/12/13/judge-women-rape-victims/1768673/

As I quote:

In laments terms - "A woman won't get wet if she doesn't want to be raped."

Yes, alcohol was involved, but the friend clearly knew he would be drunk to a point of inhibition, knew he had a girlfriend, AND knew that he was not interested - yet still took advantage of the situation (she was not drinking at all from what he stated - thus a clear train of thought and or premeditation).

Think about the role reversal in this situation guys. If this were done to a girl as opposed to a guy - it WOULD be considered rape.

 

That is what I figured.

Thank you for your very well developed response. I appreciate the advice.
Is it not rape when the girl even says yes to sex when she is drunk? Because you can not consent to sex while intoxicated as far as I was concerned.

Should I get a restraining order or just ignore?

That is understood but I am allowed to be drunk. I assumed I could trust her.

I believe you cannot consent to sex while under the influence of any drug or alcohol. You do not need to be aroused or in the mood to get an erection. Just the touching of the penis will usually create arousal on its own regardless of the consciousness of the individual.

Rape is unwanted sex. The female took advantage of me being intoxicated. People do things they do not want to do while drunk because they lose morals and common sense.

The premeditation would make sense because it is not the first time she was around me when I was drunk. Previous times she did not try anything. It was not until I told her of my recent relationship that she did this. The role swap is the biggest deal but everyone knows that this is a very difficult law to swap.

 

Consent while under the influence is a variance by each state and each judge it is brought before. There is no uniformity to the decision. In MOST cases (however) - the ruling is that you cannot consent to anything while under the influence of ANY drug that places you in an unnatural psychiatric state.

 

If you feel like you're unable to stop her advancing on you again you should file for a restraining order, otherwise just stay well clear and let her know you weren't consensual of it.

 

I think you're fully responsible for the situation and I'm not being insensitive. You got drunk and made a mistake.

The alcohol demon didn't possess your penis and force itself into her vagina. You put it there.

Playing the victim here isn't going to help anyone, man up to your actions and move forward.

 

But you see there is a huge amount of differences in the way the sexual anatomy of a female works compared to a male. Then also you aren't going to get hard if you are so drunk that you don't comprehend the situation. Alcohol is also a sexual retardant. Alcohol can easily inhibit the ability for a man to get up and it is referred to as 'whiskey dick' in layman's terms (not lament terms). I was just pointing out the difficulties of the case legally. There are some things that you have to prove for it to be rape.

Let's look at the breakdown on how rape is classified as a crime in Virginia:

First it would have to be established that OP was a complaining witness or became a complaining witness. Then you have to establish that the act is against the will of the complaining witness. You then have to establish one of two things: the act was achieved through the force, threat, or intimidation of the perpetrator OR that the complaining witness lacked the mental or physical capacity. The last part is irrelevant to the problem at hand.

Also I didn't say interested in the other person, please get your argument correct before quoting a newspaper article that is irrelevant. Sexual arousal would be a factor in the case legally.

I would have to agree with Roary on this though. You can get a temporary emergency retraining order that you can then go to court and have upgraded to a full-fledged restraining order.

This may be an article to look into. It is interesting and covers some of the topics discussed here: http://www.vocativ.com/underworld/crime/hard-truth-girl-guy-rape/

 

Yes, a male can be raped by a female. As to how seriously such a claim may be taken the police, I doubt it unless you have airtight evidence like video footage or numerous witnesses.

 

Yes, i am in my twenties and i was raped by a woman in her late 40s. I still suffer from traumatic stress issues whenever i am hooking up with someone. Glad you are speaking out and i hope everything gets resolved!

 

it is a tough situation but mate you gotta face the facts, why was a women sleeping over while you were drunk and with another girl. That is asking for trouble bud. If you lie to your girlfriend, in my opinion you are as low as the women who raped you.

I know others will not agree on my verdict but its what i believe, you need to come clean, a relationship should be trust and if you are a true man you would come clean.

Best of luck bud!

 

Agreed.

 

I haven't read everything that was going on only the original post. Look how long have you been with your girlfriend? Does she love you and do you love her? I mean more then just saying I love you but truly loving each other. Would you be upset with her if the situation was reversed? These are all questions you have to ask yourself. Then once you're calm down you have to figure out the most appropriate way to tell her.