Broke up with gf of 2 years - Feel empty, lost, don't know what to do...

The reason it happened was that she said she lost all feelings towards me that she should feel towards a boyfriend in the past few months. I think this had been because I've been studying for my exams - I'm 19 and my final exams were earlier this month. Apparently she had been feeling this way since around March but never said anything because she didn't want it to get in the way of my studying. I brought it up with her the day after I finished my last exam, that I felt there had been a massive change in our relationship. She agreed that there had been a change and explained the above to me, and that we should meet up and talk about it. We met up the day after and had a very long talk in the park. The summary of this talk was that she actually wanted to break up, but when I said to her that it was over between us she panicked and after some more talking we agreed to basically start over between us. We'd start going on dates again and see where that got us, if it rekindled any sparks we had lost. So we started talking again fairly normally for that week and on that Friday I took her to an art exhibition and then dinner. It was our 23rd monthiversary (don't ask lol) on the Sunday so I asked her if she wanted to meet up, she said she did so I took her to a bar and we had a few drinks and generally talked. At the end of this date I bad a very slight kiss with her on the lips which probably lasted about half a second. 2 days after this, on Tuesday, the tension of the relationship was pretty much eating me alive. The first thing I thought about when I woke up was her and whatever I did I couldn't stop thinking about her. I'd check her last.fm, tumblr and facebook every hour at the least to check for any updates and see what they meant. I'd check the lyrics to every song she played that I didn't know to see what the meaning of the song was. I knew I was being a little bitch but I couldn't help it. Eventually at around 7pm on that Tuesday I called her and said we needed to talk. I asked her if she had thought the relationship had improved. She said she reckoned it stayed around the same. I asked her if she missed the sex or the kissing we used to have. She said not really. At that point that's when I finally said then that's where this ends and that I'd miss her greatly but that's what had to be done. She agreed with me however you could hear how upset she was over the phone. I told her I'd miss her again, at which point she said she'd miss me too, and I said goodbye and hung up. I changed my Facebook relationship status to single immediately. That night a friend and I drove down to his house in the country and had a party. I made the decision to not invite any girls because I knew I'd do something stupid so we had a pretty chilled out night and got drunk. I posted a few quotes on Twitter that happened on the night, such about girls, and in the morning I noticed she unfollowed me so I unfollowed her. Yesterday evening, she updated her Tumblr and removed any information about me, such as that she was "taken by an amazing guy" and deleted some questions about me.

I just honestly don't know how I feel. I knew it was the right choice to make because I couldn't deal with living while constantly hoping that she'd fall in love with me again. But I really miss her. We were together for 23 months. I feel like I've lost my closest friend as well as a lover. My first thought when I wake up is still about her and she's the last thing I think about before I fall asleep. I feel lost, really really lost. Things in life just seem pointless now. I miss seeing her smile, I miss hearing her laugh, I miss her saying she loves me and I miss holding her hand while we walked down the street. I've never, ever in my life been an emotional person but this brought it all out of me. Of course I miss the other things like sex but more than anything I miss the connection I had with another person. I truly loved being with her and I don't think I can ever have that again with another person. I miss her so much I can't even put into words and it's only been two days. It's a literal pain in my chest when I think about her. I don't know what I expect by posting her but I am just really lost. My friends have been very helpful but I think they're just getting annoyed by the fact I keep bringing it up and I can see why. I just miss her so much.

 

I agree with Chloe. If you still have feelings for her, wait it out and see what it does. I know it hurts but sometimes space is for the best. Dont pester her about it and when you do talk, try not to mention the situation. I know this for a fact since I did this to my fiance last year. I felt that he wasnt getting the point of why we were arguing so much so I ended it for the sake of sanity. Time does heal most wounds so just wait it out. Try being her friend for now and work your way back up to "lover" If she is ok with it and the situation feels right.

 

Anon here thought I might as well post a small update as to what's happened.

I haven't communicated with her at all since we broke up. I decided that I hated being at home so I went to my friend's house in another city and stayed with him for 2 nights. Those were the 2 most eventful nights in my life for as long as I can remember. We were in a car crash, had some girl flash us, met people we knew and didn't randomly, took coke, smoked a shitload and I made out with an amazingly attractive Peruvian girl on the second night. At the end of a second night, we went into the middle of a field at dawn to smoke a joint before heading to bed. The build up of the previous 2 nights, what had happened with my gf and the simply picturesque scenery caused me to break down there. I started crying, and I mean seriously bawling my eyes out in front of my friend. I've never cried in front of anyone for at least the past 5 years. This wasn't a "I can't take life anymore" kind of break down but I felt all the emotion I had been feeling for such a great amount of time leave me and I guess I just accept that the world was far, far greater than the girl I was with. I realised that there were other girls out there, the world could be a beautiful place and that I have friends that care for me. I'm obviously not over her, but the crippling pain in my chest seems to getting lighter and lighter on me. Thank you Chloe and Ziggily so much for the posts. Knowing that others care about you - even if they're online and don't know at all who you are - makes me feel so much better about humanity.

 

ey man,

Just want to say thanks for the posting this.
I literally just went through the same thing, and it's been nice to hear from someone I can relate to. My girlfriend broke up with me because she lost feelings. I swear it was because I just came back from the Army and couldn't be myself when I got back, that and the time I was away I think made her forget who I really was. For anybody else reading this don't chase when they say they're not feeling you anymore, the girls are right. Just lay back and let them come to you. I acted like a little bitch when she left me for a while, calling, texting, giving her gifts. I just didn't know what to do, if felt as if 50% of my soul was ripped out. I can't explain really. But my body shook intensely vibrating for 2 full days, fighting back tears. I truly loved this girl with everything I possessed and felt so aweful I let the military change the way I acted. It's been 2 months since we broke up and the time apart has honestly been great because I've had to re-learn everything about myself and society on my own. Hindsight I had become to attached to her for the daily things. She saw this as I was too clingy, but honestly I just loved her and wanted to spend my days with her, because I didn't know anything else, I couldn't remember what to do once I returned... Just give them space. If they love you, they'll see the good and come back. And if they aren't strong enough to last with you through your school homework, or return from a distant land. How can you expect them to be by your side in the long run? Who knows maybe she will come back to me, but as for me right now. I really just feel like focusing on me and growing from this. If she comes back great but idk if I'll be ready or even right for her anymore, maybe she wants different things, and maybe, just maybe... I've out grown her... It's pretty small in my opinion of people to not try and weather a storm, but I understand it can be tough when you lose feelings, the mere thought of not knowing if they will ever come back is devastating after you've put so much energy into a relationship... I guess sometimes things just happen

 

This topic is very scary for me since I have a girlfriend of a year and 8 months and I'm currently going through exams and I feel as if we're drifting apart aswell. She say's she loves me and such but I still worry outside of school she's what makes me look forward to the days ahead of me. I really think my life would plunge in the toilet if I was ever broken up with at this point. I wouldn't have the motivation to get my PhD therefore basically fucking my life.

Edit: know this is a gravedig still felt the need to post in my current sadness. Mod with perms will close soon.