Lack of confidence/motivation

I am a 25 year old male, who has been in a relationship for nearly 5 years. I have been struggling with a lack of confidence since around the age of 16, although people around me have only started to realise in the past year or so. Me and my partner (let us call her G from now on) split up June last year for 8 months. I feel to pieces during this time, I left my job, I lost contact with friends, I started to drink more and party all the time. I didn't make me happy but it was my only mistake. Since we got back together, I was working again for a short period of time but couldn't deal with it so left.

We are now back together but I am stuck in a downwards spiral. She recently lost both her parents so is having to deal with a lot at the moment and the position I am in, I feel more like a burden on her than actual help. I am scared that I am going to loose her so need to change my life for the better. I keep trying to motivate myself to get a new job (out of work for 5 months now) but feel I am in-adequate to everything advertised. My family have started to try and help me and keep questioning if I actually love my girlfriend. I know they are trying to help me but it is just making me second guess EVERYTHING now. She is on holiday and I have managed to convince myself that she doesn't care as she went away, when I should be using this time to help myself get back on track.

I want to help her but most of all, I want to help MYSELF but I am finding it really difficult. I am looking for anyone who has been in a similar situation or has helped friends through similar situation to reach out and offer me some advice. I feel ashamed to talk to my friends about it and the only one I have been talking to is my best friend but he is in Norway. I don't want to talk to G about it till I am on the road to sorting it out as she is already dealing with enough.

 

I've never been in your exact position, but I've been in a similar position where you just feel so useless and you try everything in your power to try and get things working again but it doesn't work.

I can already tell that you really do love your girlfriend because you're thinking of her before yourself, and that's something very rare to find within people. Losing both her parents must be really tough, and I can tell you now you're not a burden at all to her especially if you're there for her in her time of need, you're exactly like me I always thought of other peoples happiness, making other peoples lives perfect and it's really ruined me and I'm still picking up the pieces even now.

I believe she went away because being in that place reminded her of her parents, I hated living in my old house because it reminded me of a certain someone and moving was a great thing for me because it's new memories, time for a new start, to finally improve my life. Did you finish year 10 or 12? Even if you find a really shitty job like working at Mcdonalds while you look for something better, or if you get yourself back into school and get a cef so you can get a job that you actually feel good doing, that you can support yourself and your girlfriend and live your life knowing you're doing the right thing.

If you'd like to talk further about this, feel free to add my skype.
Liveurfect_2

 

Girlfriend actually just broke up with me so yer, having to re-evaluate everything.

 

i don't think you have a confidence problem, homie, i think yall got a happiness issue. you sound mad stressed out about life and unhappy as fuck. find some shit you enjoy doing, get a hobby, buy a cool car, take up dancing, shit anything that'll make you happy that ain't drugs/alcohol/dumb ass stuff like that. personally, i think a great idea for you would be to get in shape. since yo ass don't have a job you must have hella amounts of free time, so go for a jog sometime, buy a gym membership and stop by and just do some basic exercises.. i guarantee you'll feel so much better afterwards. exercise is the greatest stress reliever out there. not only that, but if you keep it up, your results will amaze you and 100% improve your self confidence as well. obviously tho we all know you're not just gunna wake up one day and be totally ripped and super overly confident, and you have to slowly build that shit up over time, but it's a good place to start. other ways to start gaining self confidence are looking at the more positive sides of yo life. you got a loving girlfriend, you got what appears to be a loving and supporting family, it doesn't get much better than that.

i love this advice so much, nobody been realizing that there ain't no shame in working at mcdonalds while yo in between jobs tryna get a new one. obviously idk how qualified you are or what jobs you previously worked at, but again maybe catchin a quick gig at somewhere even making minimum wage is still some shit that'll keep you occupied, get you money, hell maybe you'll even meet some homies there. it's really something u should consider.

 

That's just things we all need to face sometime.
We are not immortal and our parents we and our kids will be dead someday.
Well ofcourse we will feel sorrow but life "flows" with or without you.
You need to face the problems like a man! Because if u don't help urself the no one can help you.
Don't be dramatic and paranoid,just share the problems with ur girlfriend/friends and just try to resolve them,don't let them just stay like that.
If u can't solve them then don't blame urself,just move on and search a different way.
There is no such thing as "Bad job" or "shameful work"!
Facing the problems can make you only stronger,get ur life in hands.
When you look at a glass half full don't think it's half empty (I hope u get what i am saying) Just always be positive.
And last but not least remember,drugs,alcohol can't solve ur problems.

 

Is there anything you are good at, what I'm meaning is online. What brought you here to Sythe? You wreckon you have some kind of way to make money on this forum. Try to find a 9 to 5 job which might be boring, but behind the spotlines you can earn extra cash by just browsing this and offering services...

just my 2 cents

 

smile and tell yourself that today will be the best day of your life when you wake up in the morning

Look at a mirror, look straight into your eye and tell yourself that you're the coolest motherfucker on the planet