Why are some kids / people so adept socially, and others so shy?

Title pretty much says it all, but why is it that some kids or people can fit in so well in any group with ease, then others are so shy / soft-spoken and can't fit in anywhere?

Is it just the way they grew up and their environment? Any other ideas?

This is the exact reason I asked this question. I'm curious to what people reply to this.

 

Or what about people who can easily fit in with any group but don't want to with any of them? I fit into this category completely.

 

People who suffer from social anxiety, introverts and what is already mentioned.

 

Is there some kind of inherent trait that separates an extrovert from an introvert? I'm interested to know that myself.

 

I feel like it is a little bit nature, and a lot nurture.

I think it is all how you are brought up in the world. I also think it has a slight predisposition to your gene pool. I.E. two introverted people have a child. They have introverted genes. BUT
-Are they introverted now because of the gene pool
OR
-Are they following the example of their parents and it is all nurture.

 

Very well said..that makes me think deeply. I'm trying to think which one of my parents I got being an introvert from. It may be because my mother died when I was real young of breast cancer. My dad said he thinks it made me afraid...and I think he's right. That's probably what led to me being skeptical and scared of forming strong relationships.

 

Gz on Guru

If you want to form strong relationships you sometimes have to take a leap Duke. Just take baby steps out of your comfort zone, whether it is clothing, where you sit/stand, who you sit/stand with, make small changes and it'll all get easier.

 

For an introvert it isn't as simple as saying "go out of your comfort zone, just talk to people you'll be fine"

I honestly enjoy being alone more than being with people(even close friends) and having to be around people leaves me feeling drained really quickly. Its hard for people that aren't introverted to understand because they would feel lonely or left out but true introverts don't have that feeling.

 

Forever I was that introverted emo kid who never talked to anyone. Well I went into freshman year of highschool. My older cousins were there a grade ahead of me and one of them could pretty much make friends with anyone, and I seriously mean anyone. So I hung out with him, he introduced me to all of these cool people, and something clicked and I wasn't afraid to talk to people anymore. It's odd. I love talking to new people and I find it easy to do. I am quite personable most of the time, and I think it has to do with me having such a huge sense of humor.

 

It is all down to;

How you was brought up. If your parents are shy / no friends you don't pick up any social skills from a young age.

Your current friends. If you become friends with socialy shy people you will most likely be that way too.

 

We all have the capability of being any personality type; shy, awkward, loud, extroverted.. whatever. It just depends on what happens to us or the choices we make. If you choose not to follow a crowd, or are outcasted.. then chances are you'll be shy and introverted.. however, follow the crowd and keep up with the trends.. chances are you'll be more involved and extroverted. Our personalities aren't inherent (in my opinion) - we imitate what we see or are made to do.

Yes some people have social anxiety, myself included, but I wasn't always.. it was life's events which brought it out.

 

So if someone were to ask you nature vs. nurture, you would say nurture.


How do you describe adopted children that have many tendencies that link to their biological parents? I.E. Phobias, Anxieties, Psychological problems and behavioral issues?

 

There is a difference between being introverted and shy. I'm not afraid to talk to people/don't have any trouble making friends but if I was given the choice I'd rather spend my afternoon by myself than our with friends.

 

As we grow and progress mentally, starting pretty much from when we're born, we are programmed to react and learn from certain experiences that, evolutionarily speaking, should happen.

Kids who never played along side other kids, however to their selves, will have troubles as they grow older while doing things by their selves and in the presence of other people; this can also manifest itself into shyness, etc. The same concept applies to kids that never played with kids in team-style activities, etc, etc.

The milestones that we experience and are expected to pass to achieve fundamental attributes to our psyche can be missed if, for example, we're sheltered as children and never allowed to go outside and play or we're home-schooled. At the same time, being exposed to other children while at such a fragile age can also have "negative" (social conditioning) ramifications on the psyche, such as mixing with other children who have had off-route teachings to their own psyches. For example, playing with a child who's had homosexual experiences in their childhood that were not addressed will expose you, as a child, to a possible homosexual experience that could manifest itself into how you are as an adult.

You can still, however, develop the attributes of a child who had experienced the milestones that enabled them to be extroverted, outgoing, etc, at older ages. Only, it takes more of a mental push, and is not something that will just implant itself in your psyche without any type of effort. at older ages, shy people have to get out of their comfort zones in order to not be shy anymore.)

I took a psychology class.

 

This is the exact reason I asked this question. I'm curious to what people reply to this.

 

Im a shy person. Always have been from when i was a kid. Call it social anxiety or whatever but im used to it now. It used to bother me a lot but i look around at the generation i live in and think to myself. These arent the kind of people i want to surround myself with anyways. It could be my genes or dna but no one else in my family seems to have this issue. I just find it hard to talk to people and keep a conversation interesting. If i feel things are going wrong i just totally freak out and abandon ship.

In order to actually make a freindship it takes a while for me. I feel the need to build up a certain amout of confidence and trust around them. Sadly people aren't so patient and willing to give chances.

 

I was the same way for a long time until the beginning of High School, then for my Senior year of high school. I went through a period of bad depression and social anxiety, and then college threw me into a group of people who didn't know me and along with several major changes in my life. At that point I had to overcome it and reconnecting with some old friends made me appreciate the company of other, non internet, people.

 

It's a combination of nature and nurture, both biologically factors and environmental factors. What Arya said, i believe is pretty spot on.

In psychology there are several theorists which have different takes as to how personality is formed. I think if you find these questions interesting, you should pick up a book on theories of personality. It might just be what you are looking for!

 

Hmm, I might just take you up on that! Sounds like an interesting read actually. Thanks for the suggestion!

 

Agreed. A kid can have extemely extroverted parents, but if he sits in his room all day playing league/RS, he won't develop any social skills and will come off as "that weird kid". Obviously there are exceptions, but from what I've seen it really depends on the kids confidence/self esteem and the environment in which they grew up in.