Heroin Addiction - Strive to Overcome

*note: This thread was posted on another forum, so don't come at me with accusations of stealing this or whatever. Feel free to request a PM on the other forum, if you happen to stumble upon it.

For those who don't know, I will be submitting myself to an OUTPATIENT 30-DAY REHABILITATION (60-DAY AFTERCARE) CENTER, NO MATTER THE OUTCOME OF THIS 'DRUG EVALUATION'.

Hey guys, as a lot of you know due to my posts around the beginning of April, I failed a drug test recently for smack and marijuana. I managed to talk to my probation officer, letting him know I really felt I may have an issue with the drug, but never felt a "Need" to have it, but a "strong desire". He cut me an incredible deal, allowing me to only get a 30-day sentence in jail, which at my local county jail, is 15 days (2-for-1), and has mandated that I take a 'drug evaluation', which is basically a packet of papers, and a person-to-person interview about drugs I use/used/want to try. I know, sounds easily cheatable, which yeah, it most definitely is - they can't just say, "No, you're lying, go back to jail, scum!", haha.

Anyway, it's really been on my mind lately, instead of spending my money on what most people my age might, such as video games, or taking my friends out, I find myself thinking, "Well, I wish I could've canceled these plans and gone to Atlanta instead...", or, "Yeah...probably shouldn't have resubscribed to that shit, could've gotten like a quarter bag for that. Oh well".

HOWEVER, within like 2 minutes of having a thought like that, I'm completely over it, and don't even think about smack anymore, until the situation arises again, or someone asks me about it/where to get it/etc.

So, for not only my sake (though I'm not personally TOO concerned, since it's a 45 minute drive to the place I used to get it [best quality around, best deals around, too...ya feel me?], and I'd REALLY have to be gung-ho for it to drive that far alone anyway, so I can easily just *not* make the drive), but for the ease of mind of my parents - mainly my father, who's really scared I'm still hooked on it, or got back into it bad, rather, from when I was a teenager/in high school, doing it, and he found out.

I'm really just wanting to show my folks, and myself, that this is not a drug I need, though I've told myself that, and I actually already have not used in 4 weeks, 2 days, and counting, but I'd like to knock even the thought of getting it, doing it, or any substitutions such as Dilaudid, Morphine, Suboxone, Methadone, Opium, or any of those things.

I'll be posting daily, or bi-daily with updates from my life, the clinic I'll be going to, and my progress.

Updates/progress reports will just include simple things like:

• When I report to the clinic each week, or however often
• What goes on while I'm in the clinic, questions they may ask, piss tests, what have you
• My personal development with blocking out the thought of buying any, or even the thought of, "Eh, I could do some right now." (My ultimate goal is to make myself realize how truly bad it is, through rehab, research, and listening, is my only way, cause it never caused me any problems, so I can't personally relate to it's "dark side", which sucks in the long run, lol.)
• How I'm going about letting my parents know I'm doing this for everyone, not just me, to breathe a little easier, and have less on their minds.
• My progress regaining the trust and level of closeness with my family I once had prior to this year.
• Photos, hopefully of my health obviously being regained (Will start with some pictures from after I quit doing smack the first time (age 15-16), and how healthy I looked, and then some more recent photos, and then back to the *HOPEFULLY* healthy-looking stage, haha.
• Other random tidbits, maybe just what I do on a certain day, even days I don't visit the clinic, etc. Just like a journal being kept, which I hear helps - I've never actually gone to a rehabilitation center, or tried to do something along these lines before. We'll see how it goes. I can only imagine watching yourself progress, and being able to look back at how far you've come, is a positive thing, eh?

Well, I'm not asking anyone to follow my progress, I'm just asking to be in your thoughts (prayers don't really matter to me, I've never been one to take up religion, but if you wish, don't hesitate to pray for me, if that's your beliefs of what can help me along..)
-Not asking for up-front-in-your-face-support, but you know, like I said, it'd be nice to see some people around who think what I'm doing is worthwhile, and for the best.



Thanks guys, will keep you all updated on this journal/progress log, as often as I can.

Update as of 5/18/2013:

I took the Drug Evaluation which was mandated by probation - and since I'm truly seeking assistance, and not trying to get a quick pass on another probation-issued task, I was very honest in my answers.

Some questions included:

• In the past 30 days, what drugs, if any, have you taken, in any way or form?

Answer: I have done methamphetamine within the past month, as a stray away from heroin - not a very "logical" solution, in some folk's eyes, but I've been able to keep it to where, if I do the amphetamine only during weekends (once, maybe twice per weekend, small amounts, even), it truly kills my urges for the opiate in which I am here for (Heroin) for the entire week.

• In the past 6 months, what drugs, if any, have you taken, in any way or form?

Answer: Over the past half-year, I've done a wide variety of drugs. I've done heroin, methamphetamine, LSD(acid), marijuana (if this clinic even recognizes marijuana as a drug, that is), Xanax, DMT(Dimethyltryptamine / strongest natural hallucinogen currently known), Percocet, Adderall, Ritalin, and lastly, Desoxyn.

• Over the past year, have you been admitted to a hospital or treatment center as a result of your drug or alcohol use?

Answer: No, I have not had a single admittance to any hospitals, treatment centers or programs, etc. whatsoever in the past year.

• Which, if any, drug(s) are you checking into this treatment center (this means, why are you taking this evaluation, you are not signing into any treatment or long-term care facility)?

Answer: I am taking this evaluation due to my realized abuse of heroin, and as part of a sentence from Probation.

• Do you feel as though you have an addiction problem?

Answer: In a way, yes. I find myself thinking about heroin, the quality of which I used to obtain, prices, and I have yet to delete my old dealer/"hook-up"'s number from my phone, which I feel may be a good step toward helping myself, however, I find it more difficult to do than it should be. Otherwise, I have not done any heroin in going on three months (approximately two and a half currently), nor have I been around anyone who does the drug.

• If our healthcare and rehabilitation specialists determine you are at risk for addiction, or are already an addict, what is your willingness to commit to our facility as a patient (in-house care, or outpatient, it IS your choice!)

Answer: I am 100% willing to be a part of this facility's rehabilitation program, through outpatient care. I am not willing to undergo in-house treatment/care.




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After I finished filling this out, had to just give some contact information to the lady who handed me the evaluation in the first place, and they said it will be put under review, and I will be receiving a call between Monday morning and Wednesday early-afternoon.


Update as of 5/26/2013:

Well, never did I receive a phone call back. So, I'm taking a trip down to the center now to demand an explanation, and hopefully get this process underway...Found myself with a needle in my hand, just holding it for a buddy as he prepped himself, Friday...I actually got goosebumps and broke out into a sweat as I held it. Sure do wish they'd speed up the process. This isn't fair to anybody.

 

Good luck man. Just know that staying clean only works if you really want it. I've been an addict for nearly 10 years now and I always thought I'd be using until the day that I die. I thought it was ridiculous to live life and be sober. I've finally realized now that a sober life really is better. It takes time, but you will eventually see just how much better you feel physically and mentally without drugs. You might think because you aren't using everyday that you aren't being affected by them, but you'd be surprised how different you feel after being completely sober for a month. Drugs stay in your system for a while and takes 1-3 months for your body to start recovering. Many people can use and never become addicted, but unfortunately I'm not one of those people. You'll learn in rehab that addiction is a disease and that it will be with you for the rest of your life. You don't have control over your addiction, but you do have control over your recovery. I've been to rehab many times and every time I relapsed the day I got out. That was because I didn't really want to stay clean. I've finally realized just how badly I do need it. I was a piece of shit when I was using and now I'm finally starting to feel normal again. I'm probably the only recovering addict on here, so I'd be glad to help you out if you need anything or have any questions.

 

Opiates are just about the worst addiction you can have. It's the hardest to kick long-term and the most widely abused drug out there. Also in the past year, prescription painkillers are responsible for the most deaths in the United States. 40% of the fatalities this year were from overdose from painkillers. They definitely shouldn't be taken lightly.

 

Well, went to the treatment center to ask about why the "results" were never given to me from the drug evaluation. They said they faxed a "Pass" result to my probation officer, which makes no sense, considering I admitted to feeling as though I am indeed an addict.

Kinda bullshit, 'cause now I have to ask my insurance to cover my rehabilitation fees.

Will give word on how that goes ASAP.

Thanks for the replies, guys. Means a lot.

 

Ehh goodluck with this , from what I've learned from the media , breaking these drug addictions is a bitch.

Nice to see you're making an effort to move on with your life though. I wish you the best of luck.

Also, question, do you play runescape? (or what are you doing on sythe?)

 

Thanks for the wishes of luck, man. I appreciate it.
Yeah, drug addictions are like leeches, honestly - don't notice it at first, don't see it while it's "becoming" addiction, and suddenly, you're drained by it, if that makes sense.

And from what people say, opiate addiction/dependency is the hardest to shake. Never been "addicted" to any amphetamines, and I'm a casual weekender of ice(Erowid page on ice, if you're [*anyone reading this] unfamiliar with the term), and sometimes Ritalin or Vyvanse, depending on my finances, who is wanting to hang out/match up/etc. Never have I gotten sick from not having it, or any of that, so I can't speak from personal experience, but I could imagine opiate addiction being a good bit worse (as far as taking a physical toll on the addict, that is. Amphetamine addicts, from what I've been told/seen suffer with emotional withdrawals & of course, lack of money heh. Whereas, with opiates, many recovering addicts experience "PAWS", which is "Post Acute Withdrawal Syndrome". Basically very similar to the first 3-5 days of withdrawal, only streeeeeetched over the course of 'X' amount of weeks.



To answer your question, now that I've addressed the statement, haha - Yes, I do play RuneScape from time to time. Haven't been playing at all recently due to lack of membership and no desire to play EoC, especially F2P EOC. Been just kinda chillin' on a private server called, "UltimateScape", whenever I'm actually home, and not out hanging around my friends. (Kinda got into going to shows(concerts) again, so yeah haha.) - so that's my RuneScape alternative for the time being. Though hell, I'd like to get in on the RS07 stuff, but, can't right now, but SOMEDAY! Lol.