Super Depressed

So, Many of you don't know anything about my personal life, But I really need some advice right now. (Even though for most/some of you this maybe a little more advanced age group wise.) So, About a year and a half ago, I met this girl, we started talking and I found that we had a lot of things in common we literally hung out everyday for like 3 months, became best friends. The catch she was pregnant, from her ex boyfriend who was a drunk and an abusive ass who used to beat her etc. Well, I felt myself starting to have feelings grow for her. I had to really sit down and soul search if I wanted to take on being with her when I knew I would be taking on someone else's child. So, I decided I wanted to be with her so I moved her into my home and we started dating (big Step i know) Well the baby came a long and let me tell you she was the cutest thing I had ever seen. I couldn't believe how amazing she was just the whole experience. Anyways, So we brought her home well for the last year I have been raising her as mine. Me and her mother though have fallen off. Sadly last night at 1 am she broke up with me. I am reached new level's of depression not only did I loose her mother whom I spent the last year and a half of my life with. I lost the baby as well. Who I was raising as my own.. and who I loved deeply. Keep in mind I am only 20 but, even so I have never had anything hurt this bad. I like I said have reached new level's up depression I could just use some advice.

- Any spamming flamming or insulting will be reported so trolls just go now.

 

I think the first step for you is realizing how much you must of helped this girl. You took it upon yourself to save her from an abusive life and probably saved that child from one too. You gave that child a good first year that it never would of had without you.

I suggest you just take some time off from the relationship style of life. Go to some parties/clubs, try to have a good time with your friends and shake it off for a month or so. The worst thing for you to do is try to get over her right now, so you really shouldn't attempt to pursue a new girl just yet.

And if you want my honest, what I would do suggestion (not saying the above is a lie): Buy an ounce, roll up 7 4 gram blunts, and smoke one every day. Makes my life 10x better

 

Unfortunately you can't do anything about the baby, I don't think you have any real legal power to do anything about that.

But you're still young and you have your whole life ahead of you. I say this about all break ups and things but the only thing that will help you get over her and her baby is time.
You've been hurt badly, but just take it as a life experience and next time don't move in with someone so quickly.
Just keep yourself occupied with what ever you can for now so time goes by faster and eventually you will forget about them.

 

Maybe it's not all over yet. She might come to her senses and realise what you actually did for her when you've been apart for a while. She might come back.

 

I know how depression feels man, I've been to hell and back with myself and only myself. It's a hard thing to concur, but it can be done. Don't sweat it man, if you sit around constantly and think about it, it will just get worse. Try to do anything to get your mind off it, and eventually the pain will die down, and you'll be able to move on. If you fight a lot, argue a lot, it won't be good for the kid anyway, that's a bad environment to raise a kid up in. I would do my best to try to get full custody of her, if you know she's in better hands with you. That way, there can be scheduled visits and arrangements made for her mother, and it won't leave you feeling depressed. One thing that's really big, never, never, think about moving away. It'll fuck things up beyond belief, and will take years to make everything better again.

 

This is definitely true. Who knows, she could have had an abortion if it wasn't for you. A lot of girls would, especially getting pregnant from someone who was abusive.

There is no way he'd be able to get custody of her, since he isn't actually the father.

You've already gotten some good advice. Like some have already said, definitely the worst thing you can do is sit around at home by yourself thinking about it constantly. You have to get out and do something. It doesn't matter what it is, just anything that will keep you busy and take your mind off it. Go out with friends, party, exercise, pick up a new hobby you've always wanted to do, or even get a job if you don't have one already. Anything at all. It might help to talk about your issues with someone or it might not if you feel like you don't want to have to be constantly reminded of it. Just find whatever works best for you.

I know you probably don't think it now, but there is a lot of good that will come out of this. You've experienced more than most people have at your age. You're clearly a strong individual for making that decision. Not many people would have done what you did. You're still young, so you have tons to look forward to. You'll most likely have a kid of your own if you choose to and you'll be a better father having gone through what you did. Just try to appreciate the good times you've had over the last year and make yourself move on. Time heals everything. Just go out and enjoy life the best you can.

 

why did she break up with you?

From my point of view, i would move on, you're only 20.

 

@ Dave I am having some health issues to wear I had to move out of the house and move closer to the clinic's etc. She got really upset about it, and started fighting with me a lot. Saying she couldn't understand why I moved etc. I let her continue to stay at my house though. So she ended up just breaking it off.

 

She sounds very undesirable, i hope your health improves and you and your girlfriend can work something out.

 

@Dave Everyone has their fault's but I am moving on.. As for the health Still has a long way to go, but thanks for your concern, Like I said, as for her... she has her faults but was overall a good person but I am trying not to dwell on it anymore, it wasn't even so much about her, I loved the kid.

 

It's great to see that you've accepted the reality for what it's worth and want to better yourself by moving on. What I would do in your situation is reach out to a loved one, or someone in your life specifically who is wise and willing to be accountable for you. Basically, a family member (if not a close friend) who is willing to check up on you, encourage you, love on you. Perhaps even reconsider moving out of the apartment and into a family member's or friend's as you do not want to have to be reminded of the life you were once living in. I can vouch that moving across the country helped me tremendously with the issues I was facing in my home town.

 

@ Rue well, I paid off the next years rent for her.. and moved out so at least she has a place to live for the next year for her to get on her feet... and I moved into my grandparents house with them.