True Story!

It all started when our uber geek, Grave, woke up in a haunted thicket. It was the first time it had happened. Feeling barely displeased, Grave hit a dull pencil, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). Ever so extemperaneously, he realized that his beloved blue hween mask was missing! Immediately he called his lover, Artie. Grave had known Artie for (plus or minus) 200,000 years, the majority of which were saucy ones. Artie was unique. He was ingenious though sometimes a little... pestering. Grave called him anyway, for the situation was urgent.

Artie picked up to a very angry Grave. Artie calmly assured him that most legless puppies shudder before mating, yet legless puppies usually wildly grimace *after* mating. He had no idea what that meant; he was only concerned with distracting Grave. Why was Artie trying to distract Grave? Because he had snuck out from Grave's with the blue hween mask only nine days prior. It was a enchanting little blue hween mask... how could he resist?

It didn't take long before Grave got back to the subject at hand: his blue hween mask. Artie cringed. Relunctantly, Artie invited him over, assuring him they'd find the blue hween mask. Grave grabbed his canoe and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Artie realized that he was in trouble. He had to find a place to hide the blue hween mask and he had to do it deftly. He figured that if Grave took the homemade car, he had take at least three minutes before Grave would get there. But if he took the RSUbicycle? Then Artie would be barely screwed.

Before he could come up with any reasonable ideas, Artie was interrupted by ten funny-smelling syeds that were lured by his blue hween mask. Artie yawned; 'Not again', he thought. Feeling displeased, he thoughtfully reached for his ninja star and thoughtfully attacked every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the fanstic pumpkin patch, squealing with discontent. He exhaled with relief. That's when he heard the RSUbicycle rolling up. It was Grave.

----o0o----

As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at McDonald's to pick up a 12-pack of dangerous oil-soaked rags, so he knew he was running late. With a apt leap, Grave was out of the RSUbicycle and went indiscriminately jaunting toward Artie's front door. Meanwhile inside, Artie was panicking. Not thinking, he tossed the blue hween mask into a box of live hand grenades and then slid the box behind his elephant. Artie was stunned but at least the blue hween mask was concealed. The doorbell rang.

'Come in,' Artie flamboyantly purred. With a calculated push, Grave opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some clueless genocidal maniac in a tricycle,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Artie assured him. Grave took a seat hilariously close to where Artie had hidden the blue hween mask. Artie yawned trying unsuccessfully to hide his nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' he blurted. But Grave was distracted. Before anyone could take off their pants, Artie noticed a selfish look on Grave's face. Grave slowly opened his mouth to speak.

'...What's that smell?'

Artie felt a stabbing pain in his taint when Grave asked this. In a moment of disbelief, he realized that he had hidden the blue hween mask right by his oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A pestering look started to form on Grave's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's ninja stars from when she used to have pet disease-carrying chipmunks. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Grave nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Artie could react, Grave recklessly lunged toward the box and opened it. The blue hween mask was plainly in view.

Grave stared at Artie for what what must've been five seconds. Heart filled with earnest fortitude, Artie groped flamboyantly in Grave's direction, clearly desperate. Grave grabbed the blue hween mask and bolted for the door. It was locked. Artie let out a eccentric chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Grave,' he rebuked. Artie always had been a little clueless, so Grave knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Artie did something crazy, like... start chucking bananas at him or something. Giggling like schoolgirl, he gripped his blue hween mask tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

Artie looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Grave. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame four days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly he felt a tinge of concern for Grave. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Artie walked over to the window and looked down. Grave was gone.

----o0o----

Just yonder, Grave was struggling to make his way through the imaginery desert behind Artie's place. Grave had severely hurt his prostate during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral syeds suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the blue hween mask. One by one they latched on to Grave. Already weakened from his injury, Grave yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of syeds running off with his blue hween mask.

But then God came down with His easygoing smile and restored Grave's blue hween mask. Feeling puzzled, God smote the syeds for their injustice. Then He got in His tricycle and sputtered away with the fortitude of 20 long-haired sea monkeys running from a shrunken pack of legless puppies. Grave tripped with joy when he saw this. His blue hween mask was safe. It was a good thing, too, because in five minutes his favorite TV show, Two and a Half Men, was going to come on (followed immediately by 'When disease-carrying chipmunks meet gun'). Grave was jubilant. And so, everyone except Artie and a few contraceptive-toting man-eating capybaras lived blissfully happy, forever after.

 

vouch

 

I like this story

 

http://sythe.org/showthread.php?t=1465235

 

vouch

would bang 9/10

 

Vouch would tap that all day eryday.

 

I chose everything.

But on a srs note make sure market fags aren't spamming votes on new accs for their gain (runefags)

 

Very well written story.

+1

@SuF - Herp Derp? or Derp Herp?

 

tl;dr but you mentioned me 38 times, good job.

 

guys look penis






















http://www.sythe.org/showthread.php?p=11449441#post11449441

 

read the whole thing

sounds legit

 

hey, i read somewhere this was a true story?

 

Hey toast you're not mod any more? Welcome to the ex-mod club, well when you get your rank right now you're in the rankless club with NNK, Noam, and Laptop

 

shawty

 

This was a worthwhile read.

 

*Shudders*