I want out

I've been on Celexa (also called Citalopram, it's an antidepressant) for about 5-6 weeks now, and I've been in therapy for about 4 months. I'm now up to taking 40mg pills a day and I don't see any difference.

I haven't done this in 4 years, but ever since I bought a new knife I've been using it to cut every time I get upset. Right now I can see 11 cuts on my upper thigh and there have been others that have healed, and this has only been going on about 3 weeks.

I just got really upset with my girlfriend and left, and the first thing I did was punch the door and split the skin in between two of my knuckles, so that was bleeding, and then I had to add 2 more cuts after that. I don't know why I do it, it's just easier to distract myself with physical pain than think about things I can't control.

I want to tell my doctor that I don't want to get better. I don't want to have the life I want and to be happy, because what I want more than that is to be dead, but he can't offer me that. No one will. I don't know what to do, and all I want is a way out. An easy way out.

I want to commit suicide but every way seems too painful. I just don't know what to do with myself. School is starting up in 2 more days and I just don't know if I can handle it.

 

Hey man, I read your post and I just want to say that despite what may be happening in your life things always get better and so many people around you love and care for you more than you will ever know. Suicide isn't the answer, whatever pain your feeling now can and will be helped, but you need to take the first steps to talk to people whom you trust in order for them to allow you to make yourself feel better about things. Hurting yourself is not helping you, despite what you may feel.

You'd be surprised at how much just speaking to someone and venting your frustrations about the stuff life deals your sometimes can help.

If you ever feel like you just want to speak to someone then please feel free to pm me your msn and I'll add you. My address is [email protected]

 

You need to tell your doctor that Celexa isn't working for you, which around here, was pulled from doctor offices because of the increased rate of suicide.

You can be happy, you just don't know what it's like to be happy, killing yourself is defiantly not the answer, there's nothing you can gain from doing it. You need to stop taking Celexa and then request something new.

 

Lilly is right, you shouldnt be cutting yourself or trying to kill yourself. Think forward do you really want your children and grandchildren to see your scars?

 

support Lilly, consult your doctor then you have to try to do things that will make you happy rather than sad. Getting new friends then going out every other weekend usually keeps my mind off of the bad shit i was going through with my ex.

suicide is not solving anything, only makes more and more people suffer for the loss

 

I agree with Lilly completely on this.
You have to tell your doctor everything so they can help you better.

 

Hey,
You have to understand that medication fucks with your brain and its processes, especially when you are on something like an antidepressant.
The antidepressant clearly isnt working. Go to the doctor, tell him you are suicidal, and get a new prescription.
Trust me, it is the combination of you and the medicine telling you that you want to die, don't let outside forces make such a huge decision for you.

 

There are other antidepressants out there that work differently. Perhaps its a matter of changing it? Then again if you are like me, medication don't do anything talking to a professional would be the next best thing. Medication is only a part, the other is therapy. To find the root of your depression. Perhaps you had horrible things done to you as a child, like I did, and you are holding on to that fear/anger or some kind of abuse? Whatever it is, talking to someone who knows what they are doing is the right thing, trust me.

I took a very long time to get help, so I'm having a very hard time right now finding what works for me. Since you're still in school I'm guessing you are young which means you still have time to get help before it becomes too late and you're no longer with us.

As someone whos attempted suicide before and survived, one of many, I saw the damage it could have done my family. You have to think of them when those thoughts cloud your mind. If I died, my mother would have probably gone as well. You aren't just hurting yourself mate.

If you are looking for a more in depth discussion and need help, feel free to PM me.

 

Fuck people. If you want to, cut yourself, I don't do it, but as long as you're safely doing it, an endorphin rush is what you're chasing, appease it. It's not widely accepted, but I have researched this subject quite extensively. Commiting suicide is most likely not the answer, there are always better ways, although I don't think it's never an answer, for you it doesn't seem to be it.

Cutting yourself is important to alot of people, different meanings different reasons. I for one like putting things between my teeth, (for the pain/relief) that is a really common one, it is no different than cutting except you can't tell one is going on..