In a dire situation (Long Story)

So life has been interesting. I have been essentially living alone for the past 2 years. Both my parents have relocated to Australia, both in the medical field to pursue their dreams. My two sisters live apart in Canada (One attending Queen's in Ontario, and one having a Photography Business in Vancouver). My Uncle from my mother's side is supposed to be taking care of me by dropping in and out of the house where I live. The problem is he only drops by every other month. The only interaction I have had with him recently is sending him money to pay our house maintenance bills that I receive from my parents.

Troubles only really started 4 months ago, my Uncle & Aunt passed away in a car accident from my Father's side. They had children which are my twin cousins (Both Female at 13 almost 14 years of age now). All the brother and sisters from the passing Uncle & Aunt sides have refused to take on the twins. My parents offered to take them on, which is the frustrating part, they're not even taking care of them. They have decided to let them live in Canada with me, with them thinking my Uncle would take care of us, which in truth is that I am taking care of myself and my Cousins. I have told them that my Uncle does nothing, but they seem ignorant of that, and choose to believe other wise.

At first I thought why not just move to Australia with my Cousins, but my Parents shot that idea down quickly. They won't let me live with my cousins in my sister's residence with her husband in Vancouver, because they don't want to deal with the situation of leaving a house alone in where we live right now.

So now in the past 3 months, I am now acting as a father to these twins from my parents income. I have cooked all their meals, taken them shopping for whatever they wanted, and have taken on their problems as if they were my own. There's also the fact that they've just lost their parents, and they both have been emotionally unstable. Taking caring of them has been difficult, but with me loving them so much I haven't found it as a problem so far, and haven't minded especially in their time of need. With summer being almost over, things won't be as easy any more. My first year of university is starting soon, it's going to seem near impossible for me to do this.

My non-immediate Family has neglected our situation, and even when I ask friends for help they are under the impression that us being of good wealth should make everything fine. I understand my parents wanting to pursue their dreams, but why they have decided to leave me alone with the thought of my Uncle taking care of me, when I insist to them he doesn't is beyond me. I have been completely bitter towards my parents, and haven't seem in person ever since they moved away from me, and I doubt our total phone conversations pass the 20 minute mark.

My only solution right now seems to let my Cousins live with my Sister in Vancouver which she would happily do. The problem is I don't want to let them go, and they have begged to stay with me. The first year and a half of me living by myself was dreadful, you can only hang out with friends so much. Having the twins stay with me has made my life enjoyable again, even with the extra burden of taking care with them. I don't want them to deal with moving, especially when they have just lost their parents.

Should I make them go to Vancouver for the best, could I actually maintain our current life, or is there another way? Any opinions on this is really appreciated, and thank you very much if you actually took the time to read this .

 

I've never known much about you, but after reading all of this, I can tell you have a great heart. It takes a hell of a person to do what you are doing. Not only are you facing your own problems, but you are also dealing with those of your cousins, too. It's what is put in front of ourselves that makes us that much stronger in life. The fact that your parents have left you, but yet you are stuck at a standstill decision of leaving the twins or not, proves that you have raised yourself to becoming the man you are today, and have your own morals apart from how you were treated. You need to give yourself credit, because it's not easy going through with that.

I know you really care about them, and have grown to love them more and more. What you need to ask yourself is financially, who do you think they'll be better off with? What environment would create better stability for their future and also yours? University could put a big impact on the usual time spent taking care of them. You need to decide what is going to be best for yourself in the long run. Because as much as your parents are living out their dream, you need to live out yours too, and you have every reason to.

 

Im only 15 Lol but ill try help give you the best advice that I can, I think you should try and keep living with your cousins during school and see how it goes and if it doesnt seem to be going well. Then you should do what you have to do and move them to vancouver with your sister so that yours and the girls education wont be affected. Tell the girls that they can come back on breaks and during the summer if you guys really enjoy each others company.

 

If you're not receiving any compensation for taking care of them, monthly check, etc, you're not a bad person for not taking care of them. They're not your responsibility, although it sounds bad you have your own life and they are developing theirs.

 

Hmm quite a predicament no doubt, do you have to work, or are you completely set already? If you have to work and go to school then I doubt you could do everything for them and you would have to have them take on some responsibilities. If you are just going to school I don't think it would be too difficult of a task to keep them with you. If they are enjoying living with you and fairly contributing I don't see a reason why it should change. The only problem is that when you get a girlfriend and what not they will become a buzzkill pretty quick if they are too needy.

 

Thanks a lot for your comments I really appreciate it. The questions you have asked me is what I am struggling with. The problem I have with them moving to my Sister is that she and her husband are really busy people. I've heard stories from her of sleeping at her studio frequently to get work done, and her husband is a ER nurse. I am honestly starting to think that I could provide more care to the two, because I would have much more time on my schedule for them. Than again maybe not since they're both 9 years older than me, and could be a lot better acting parents than I would. I don't think the two would interrupt me from studies, and are pretty independent. They can go to and from school by themselves, but the problem is finding the time to make food.
What are you thoughts?

Thanks for the suggestion, it's actually what I was thinking of doing for a while before I posted this. I appreciate your input!

My parents send me a bi-weekly income that's WAY more than enough to take of everything, which I am thankful of. The thing I still hate about my parents is that they have rarely made any attempts to call me or my sisters just to check up on us. I'm just under the impression the feel like they only need to give us money to take of their children. I don't know if I am just being a baby about it.

I also understand the Twins aren't really my responsibility, but they love it here where they lived for their whole lives, and seem really discontent about the fact that moving means leaving their friends. I know that if I moved them to my Sister in Vancouver, they could probably eventually get over the fact of moving, but I really hate to do it to them especially when they have just lost their parents.

I really appreciate you taking the time to reads this, and providing your feedback.

Fortunately the thing my parents help me with is financial needs. I used to work a lot as I disliked having to live off entirely on my parents income, but I had to quit my job now, because it's not going to be possible to work any more. The more I think about it seem's like you're right, I think me taking care of the two alone while going to school can be very manageable. I'm just concerned of the fact, I might not be providing enough care if I am wrapped up too much in school. I also never thought of the girlfriend part. I do have one but she currently is living in Poland for 3 months, she has dealt with the twins for a month acting kind of like a mother to them. She has a much better grasp of taking care of others, being a junior high teacher's aid, and worked at a day care for a long time, there's also the fact she's 3 years older than me. I have been thinking of the fact of asking her to move in with us, but I think it would be selfish of me to ask because if I ask her, I am essentially asking her to take on my some of my burden. What are your thoughts? I also appreciate you commenting, means a lot.

 

Wait how old are you?

Also, can't the cousins occasionally make food themselves?
And does your sister live near you?

 

I'm 18, they could, but they're only 13 almost 14, I didn't know how to make food at all when I was 14, I don't blame them. In this situation I might have to start teaching them. My sister lives in Vancouver, which is a 2 hour plane ride from where I live.

 

Could you apply for any government aid? I am pretty sure they have stuff like that for you. You seem like you could use all the aid you could.

Just know that you are one hell of a guy to be doing what you are doing.

 

I'm not completely clear on what the problem is. Do you not want the responsibility of looking after them?... or is it something else?

Contrary to popular belief, university isn't a full time job. You'll spend a couple hours per day in the classroom and have the rest of your time free to divide between a social life and studying. I think you're in a very unique situation that in the long run will benefit you. You're learning how to maintain a family and act beyond your years. It's not as if the twins are toddlers. You should start teaching them how to fend for themselves (ie. cooking meals, doing their own laundry, and anything else that you had to learn when you were living on your own). You've already said that you enjoy having them around and that you do care for them. In a year or two, they'll be wanting their own independence anyways and you'll have two, very close, family members that can help you around the house when you're busy (like your parents are).

Do you really want to uproot your life, as well as theirs, and leave everything behind because you're feeling the pressure? That's part of growing up my friend, and when you decide to settle down and start a family of your own- it will be a hundred times easier for you since you've had this experience.

A man isn't judged by the cards that he's dealt, but rather by how he plays them.

On a side note- I currently live in Vancouver, and I'm not sure if it's worth the move for you. Unless you're in the entertainment or service industry (or a drug dealer), you're going to have a 'fun' time adapting to the west coast.

My advice is to stay put, where you are. Like I said, try to help the twins become more independent and focus on school in September. Your parents may not be the most emotionally supportive pair, but at least they're providing a situation where you, and the twins, can prosper.

As always, best of luck.

 

I think it's amazing what you do and I have great respect for your decision to keep taking care of your cousins. I agree that moving again - especially against their will - would be hard because of what happened recently.

Now for the food: if your parents are indeed wealthy enough perhaps you could pay someone to come to cook daily. (or just in the week, I don't know) I assume that wouldn't cost a fortune, considering they'd only have to work 1 hour tops. I don't see how that could be more than a few hundred dollars monthly.