Early life crisis?

Nine years old i started going to Hawaii to spend long duration's with my brother (who is much older then me). Basically my parents hated me being around so they would send me to Hawaii, North Shore, to spend months with my brother.

I currently reside in Los Angeles, California.

I don't know how to approach this so i'm just going to jump right in it. I have a great life. Great friends on Sythe and in real life, great job, i am truly blessed. There's only a slight problem. I'm extremely depressed and hate it. Everything about Los Angeles irritates me, i miss Hawaii so much and every day it kills me that i'm stuck here.

I can honestly say that I have never once had depression while I was there, especially nothing like i do now. Everything in Hawaii is so much easier then LA, it's so laid back and easy. You never worry about anything and you just take life as it is. I once dreamed of living in the city and having the fast pace life i currently have and now its no longer a dream i want nothing but to escape it.

I feel like my life is a constant routine (which it is) and i'm never going to escape, that i'm going to be miserable and down my entire life and nothing i do changes this feeling. I wake up every day to text my brother and ask how the weather is and how i wish i was there. He knows how much i want to be there so he tries to refrain from expressing his love and excitement for the north shore. He's been living there 12 years and i know for a fact he never has one day when he wakes up and wishes he didn't live there. That's how i believe life should be, you should never wake up and wish you lived somewhere else, you should never be miserable with your current location if you have the ability to change it.

I miss surfing every day, not caring what other people think because no one there is superficial, walking around with no shoes on wherever i go, the water, the calmness of the entire island, the friendly people, the sky, the sense of comfort you get when stepping outside breathing in the air and feeling the stability.

This huge weight i have on my life is destroying me. I'm mean, irritable, sleepy, lazy and dismissive because i constantly think of where i should me oppose to where i am. I can't wake up and find one enjoyment with my location nor positivity with my life.

This is where you say "well if you're so miserable why don't you leave?". I can't, i have this terrible fear of loosing my life if i try to leave. By this i mean, loosing my job, my friends, my house, my life. I've worked so hard for what i have and im scared of throwing it all away. I'm scared of doing all of this for no reason at all, waking up one day and thinking "what have i done with my life". I don't want to throw it away and not have the ability to get it back, to feel as if i had something great and in my young years i acted immaturely and wasted it all away for living a fantasy.

I'm so confused and don't know what to do..

 

There's no need to throw your life away just cause you wish you could be up back in Hawaii. I'm gonna assume you're old enough to make your own decisions in life. Why not arrange vacations for yourself on a regular to just head up there and enjoy Hawaii?

I wouldn't say leave LA just cause you have an urge for Hawaii. Keep your job, keep your friends etc. If you have the time and money, just head up there to your brothers place and surf on dat turf. Think of it as like, a bonus for all your hard earned money whilst in LA. I'm not sure if LA is the same as where I live (Australia) but we get like vacation-paid-leave which allows us like a few weeks or couple months leave and do whatever WITH pay.

I personally think that'd be a good solution, rather than leaving your current home/work/friends and moving there. Never know, you might end up regretting it and might EVENTUALLY get bored of Hawaii. I wouldn't really know to be honest, never been there before

But for time being, maybe find a new temporary dream land? I don't know much bout LA since I was born and stuck in Australia but I'm sure there are places around that can slightly compare to Hawaii

 

I agree with Chosenn one, I think you should just think about this logically I mean you have a good stable life in LA, You say you love hawaii and you want to live there and all but I'm guessing you went on "holiday mode" did you actually work while you were in hawaii?

I lived in hawaii when I was very young and I frequently go there aswell, living there isn't easy. Unless you plan to live a humble life with no luxuries of the modern world, unless ofcourse you get a good paying job which is scarce in hawaii..

Everyone has this weight put on them, you are no different. to be honest I think you should just suck it up and do the hard yards now and reward yourself now and then

 

I did work when i was there, yes. Waking up knowing how laid back everything and everyone is, there's no better feeling.

I go on vacation all the time, leaving is heart breaking and i always wish i force myself to stay. It's not a matter of going for vacation, i'm there enough to know i want to spend my life there.

 

Same I know how it feels leaving, But I always look forward to going back for a holiday and meeting up with my family I have a cousin there who is like a brother to me. It sounds to me like you already have your answer, If that is the case then its just a matter of arguing with yourself with where you really want to be in life (live happy or live a stable life), if hawaii is what your heart desires then I reckon you should go for it or later on in life you will regret it as you mentioned. if it doesn't work out then hey you can always go back to LA I'm sure it wont be that hard to get yourself rolling again, other than that hawaii is a beautiful place just living on any tropical island is a blast and the people are always friendly.

 

I'm worried if i leave and decide i want to come back it'll be so late times will change and my current education wont suffice for my job.

 

That's the risk you are going to have to take, if you really want to live there.

Maybe study while you work for a few years? atleast that way if worse comes to worse atleast you will have the update in your education to go back to LA and if hawaii works out then its a bonus and you also get to live there ofcourse for the duration

 

I would not call this a crisis, its more growing out of childhood dream and onto an adulthood dream. Your become more mature and looking for more interesting people and a better way of life. Go for it, its going to make you happy.

 

remember that everything happens for a reason. Listen to I'm Eighteen by Alice Cooper, lifes about the ups and downs. No one really knows what they want, until it's all gone. Use your brain and heart and seek knowledge, understanding, in everything and everybody.

 

Maybe Hawaii isn't what you're looking for.. it's obviously a way out. LA is crazy as it is.. I've been there..

Try to reside elsewhere.. I mean depending on what you do for a job I'm almost sure you can find one just alike in a different city. I would say anyone would be blessed to go to Hawaii as i went there when i was 19.

I actually can relate to you in the whole "city irritates me" way. I used to live in Indianapolis, Indiana where you see people bumming money but driving away in a 2012 charger, heavy traffic, just to many stupid people in one area.. so i decided to look elsewhere to live. I had a great job working as an Electrician and found another fantastic electrical company in Fort Wayne, Indiana. So as life is all about taking chances I moved up north 2 hours. It was the best decision i have ever made!

Made new friends and also kept the ones i had down south, less traffic and just an all around great move..

So maybe Hawaii isn't what you need, it's what you want.. what you need is to get out! It's what helped me..

 

Hmm, well I have an Idea what is going on, but I don't know the root of the problem, but perhaps we should discuss that privately? Anyways the early life crisis is likely onset by your depression and natural instincts that have been in our bodies since we were hunter-gatherers. You are recalling good memories whenever including when you sleep to offset the depression. The result is that you get this unrealistic Nostalgia, and if you were to go to Hawaii, you would likely be extremely disappointed once you got there.

The natural instinct to remember good memories in times of hardship were likely used to remember where food was when it becomes scarce. Of course they aren't really useful anymore, but its important to remember that we evolved our extreme (comparatively) intelligence in literally the blink of an eye over a lifetime.

Anyways for anyone who wonders there is no pill to cure depression nor is there a quick solution, you need to take small steps repeatedly to eventually rid yourself of it. The good part though is once you do it the first time depression shrinks from a significant problem to a singular feeling that you can remove by simply changing your thoughts.

 

I'm a nurse and i'm from Texas. My life before LA was completely different, slow pace and less hectic.

I felt like this before the depression and the incidents that happened in my life (you know which).

The only time i've noticed i don't think about it is when im there. When i'm there i have a sense of security and stability, like nothing is ever going to happen to me.

 

then do what you have to do to make yourself happy. Yea you have no problem getting a job anywhere else...

 

I'm mainly worried about loosing my friends.

 

your friends will always be your friends. i'm not saying move across the country. but somewhere else to where you feel less rushed..smaller city, less people.. i'm telling you.. I am the happiest i have ever been!

 

This is the deal.

I'm going back to Hawaii in September for two months, taking a leave of absence from work to make my final decision. At the end of the two months i decide it's the place i want to spend the rest of my life i'll make the transition.

 

It's funny because I have the exact same feeling as you do. I live in Canada, and I mean I have friends, "great life" as you'd call it, but I cannot but feel depressed. I also go back to my country of origin almost every summer, and this summer was/is an exception, and in all honesty I feel like dying, just for the fact I'm not back in my country of origin.

BUT, there is a thing too. I don't know how life works in Hawaii, but in the country I'm from, life is terrible, economy is inexistent and jobs are rare to come by. So as people mentionned, going somewhere in vacation mode is way more easy than living there. You however seem to really be sure of the necessity to live there, so I'm thinking you should maybe start thinking about saving money for it. Making monetary sacrefices for it will obviously be necessary, but it's all about how much you want this to happen.

Remember, always think of how crazy it will be when you get there and it will keep you running.

 

Honestly as someone going through depression I don't really have an answer for you. However I recently started seeing this counselor and we are slowly trying to sort out my problems to help get through them. Its too early to say anything but its a start.

That's what I would suggest. They wouldn't be around if they didn't help people. I mean it couldn't hurt?

I don't know if you have a chemical imbalance and need any medications, but I wouldn't right away jump into any of that, I'm no doctor. They did help my mom when she was going through depression. If you do decide to see a doc, be careful, you don't want one thats pen friendly. Meaning who would write you like 10 different meds at once just to make money off ya.

Eh, I think I went a little off topic.

 

Good luck lilly, taking a 2 month escape/vacation is really what you need. I have a very good friend who lives in Hollywood and she's moving back to Fort Wayne because she hates the crowded feeling like she can't just go outside and walk around without running into someone.

So it's not just you, and moving elsewhere just might be your ticket to a better life!

REMEMBER: this is about YOU being happy, not anyone else!

 

I've only read the original post, none of the others.
So...

Everything in life has risks, if you want to enjoy your life, you should take the risk. You're not going to lose your friends... What's going to happen? They vanish in thin air when you leave? No. You have a mobile and so do they (I assume), you'll keep in touch and you can always visit them.

A lot of my friends have moved to different parts of the country and I still keep in touch and I visit from time to time. You can't expect to be surrounded by everyone you love all the time and you can't be expected to stay in a boring life.

I say just go and say "fuck you" to any of the risks. Yes you'll lose your job, but you can always get one in Hawaii. If anything goes wrong you can live with your brother for a while, just while you get things sorted.

You won't get anywhere in life if you don't go for what you really want.