People make me sick.

Ok so..

I'm a 20 year old female and I'm an LPN for those of you who don't know what that means, in simple terms I'm a nursing student. My goal is to be a ER nurse (this doesn't seem relevant now but you need to understand before I get into the story..).

Lately, I don't know if it's because of my age but I've been EXTREMELY depressed, like to the point of where it makes me sick. I can contemplate suicide but never proceed with it.

Someone I'm depressed for no reason at all, just because.. This year (20) has been the most depressing year of my life, for no reason, or maybe there is, my ex boyfriend keeps contacting me and I always let him back into my life.. blah blah.. That's not why I'm making this thread though..

As a nurse intern one thing you have to do is work for an ambulance service for 300 hours.. Well earlier today we had a call for a male down, as we get there we see hundreds of people looking at him. After closer evaluation we see he had a major contusion to the back of his head. While we see this he begins to have a seziure.

Now.. the whole point to this story was there were HUNDREDS of people around, with their phones out taking pictures, videos, etc... and not one person tried to help him. They waited for us..

This has set my depression to a whole new extreme, not because of what I deal with daily (blood, gore, vomit, etc) but because our civilization is so disgusting and disrespectful that I see no hope for us.

It's so the point right now where I think suicide would be better then living in such a filth, where no one has respect for ANYONE.

I'm so depressed I don't know what to do.

 

Hey Lilly, how are you?
It is a fact that the majority of the world's population experiences depression at some point in their life. I could elaborate more on statistical evidence and such, but i'll get straight to the point.
From your post, it is evident that your boyfriend and occupation are the factors that largely contribute to this. I honestly suggest to you that you re-evaluate your occupation. Will you enjoy it for your life? Can you think of something better?
Secondly, if your boyfriend is being a real tool to you then why not find someone else who could be so much better?
Think about it
It's never too late

 

I love my profession and I can't see myself doing anything else... It's not that i can't handle my job because i can. I can see blood, gore, i can handle being puked on, spit at, etc.. What i can't get out of my head is that we have such a shit society that while someone lays dying on the road no one attempts to help, instead they take pictures and stand around gossiping.

As for my boyfriend, i have a bad habit of taking him back constantly and idk why... It's a poor choice on my end but i always do it, i always feel he's going to change and (this time will be for-real) and it never is..

 

Don't take your boyfriend back in your life the next time he screws up or if you want, just break up with him on the spot now.

Society has always been this way I find. Some are willing to help but don't think they can. They think that if they were to go help the individual, they would make it worsen his situation. It's something we all have to deal with.

Just stay strong and regardless, this won't ever change, atleast I don't see it. Just live your life and continue on with your job helping people.

 

There are, indeed, some very sick and ignorant people in this world. The roles you carry as a paramedic are tremendous, and you seem to enjoy it.
Maybe it's best that you see a psychologist to assist you in casting your emotions aside in times of your job.
As for your boyfriend, by persistently taking him back, he would pretty much know that he can do what he wants, and that he is the dominant one in the relationship. It's time that you go against your will, and break it off with him

 

Then you have to stop. The truth is, history repeats itself and as long as you enable your ex-boyfriend to come back into your life he's going to keep your emotions riding like a roller coaster. I know it, and I'm pretty sure you know it too, because you're making a lot of hints about it and I think it's one of the, if not THE, main contributor of your depression.

There's no such thing as a "bad habit" of taking someone in, seriously. I've had to live my whole life watching people take other people in and all that it does is cause more problems for everyone else (especially people around you). Sometimes you have to just say you've had enough, and stick to your word.

Which leads to my next question, where is you ex-boyfriend and is he honestly your "ex" right now? or is he your boyfriend?

 

I think that is just normal for most 20 year old or people around that age. You end up realizing things about life and that makes you sad, as well you grow up, start getting your life started and you are at the bottom wrung.

About the thing with the guy. I think you are honestly over reacting. People are NOT supposed to help because if you don't know what you're doing, you could make it worse. The right thing to do is to wait for people like you (didn't they teach you this?). They are humans, and humans are attracted to things like this. It is interesting to them. Which would have been worse to you, someone who tried to help and ended up making it much worse by (for example) trying to hold the person down while he was having the seizure or people doing what you're supposed to do and waiting for the ambulance.

 

I texted him while i was working and told him I can't keep doing this and we're done... But how long will I stay this reassure?

I don't like nor love him... I honestly would love if he died IRL but i can't not keep him away, i hate seeing him with other people or parties but i hate being with him... Idk what to do.

If this were the case why were they taking pictures / video.

I'm trying, it's just really hard right now with such a weighted depression on my shoulders.

He lied and told me he was hanging out with his sisters, texted me and told me he was going with friends because his sisters "left" he says we're together but he doesn't act like it.

People are covered by a good samaritan law, it states they can help to the best of their ability and won't be held responsible for any errors, it is instinct to help.

 

While this is true, we have been feed this idea of "do not help, wait for the professionals" because of all the people who needlessly died because people have tried to help. If you look at news, T.V. Shows or Movies, they all say not to help incase you make it worse. If it was something that could have been helped (like someone choking) I am sure they would have, but something like that is different and only trained professionals would really know how to deal with it.

Sorry this has gotten sort of off topic.

 

It is instinct to help, regardless of what someone says, is it not?

If it is not, this is my conclusion... American society is so corrupt that we can no longer help someone in need?

If you're driving down a road and the car in front of you either rolls over or hits another car, do you stop to take pictures, drive away or stare and mimic? No you pull over call 911 and try to assess and assist the situation.

If not, this is my point about how disgusting society is.

 

Just move on and make sure to not take him back. As it's been said, history repeats itself and so you will just keep going downhill if you don't leave him.

People find these sort of things interesting and would like to share these things with their friends. I remember last time, someone had got stabbed and was lying down in a transit bleeding from his neck. As I am pretty young and have no clue what to do in these cases, I didn't do anything. Besides, there wasn't anything to do as there was people on him already. A bystander who knew what to do was quick to help him and others (employees of the transit) helped stop the bleeding. Other bystanders were just shocked in horror and some even began taking pictures. I was going to be late to meet a friend because of this and I told him what had just happened, he asked me to take pictures but I told him that it would disrespectful as he might just die today.

I suggest you leave your boyfriend and move on and see if your depression improves. If it doesn't, go get professional help as it can slowly deter you.

 

What does your boyfriend do? What's his job, or does he even have one? How often do you catch him in lies and what all has he lied about? Sorry to get personal, but I think we might actually get somewhere and I think you'd probably want to get all of this heat off on someone like me who will actually listen.

 

He works at a clothing shop and a bar, hes a fucking bum.

He lies about anything and everything.

 

Ever cheated on you before?

 

Kissed another girl once, so he says. I have huge trust issues with him though.

 

Read/listen to (you can find it on Youtube) David Foster Wallace's "This is Water" speech.

 

Well obviously someone called 911, or else you wouldn't have been there. Sometimes that is all you can do. I live in Canada and I always see people helping others. About 10 months ago, I drove by a car accident and there were people there helping the other people in the car. They were talking to them and reassuring them while they waited for the ambulance. They didn't try to move them or anything, because they knew not to.

I understand where you're coming from, but I just don't really see that kind of behaviour where I am from. Even when I lived in Toronto, people tried helping people when they were injured.

 

If this would have happened, this scenario wouldn't have set off my depression. They were standing and recording, no one was sitting nor kneeling telling him it would be ok, they were just staring.

Reassuring would have been completely fine to me, instead they did nothing.

 

It seems its only where you live that this happens. As Realises said, people here in Canada aren't the same as Americans, they actually help and reassure those who are injured. Maybe if you don't like/enjoy it there, move here?

From the questions you have answered about your boyfriend, I find it weird that you keep accepting him back. He kissed another girl while in the relationship, lied, etc.... just leave already. I don't know what you are waiting for.

 

Lilly, I'm going to be honest with you; Just given what you've told me I'm about 95% sure that he's cheating on you, I'm 99% sure he's hiding multiple other things from you, and I think your best bet is to get out of while you can. I've been the liar, and I've been lied to. And then one day I just thought to myself, this is really wrong. You know what makes a person change?

Understanding what he's doing is wrong, immoral, and unfair in every aspect.

Determination to actually want to quit what they're doing. Has he ever apologized for anything he has done? Has he admitted any of his lies, or does he come clean when you bust him?

Displaying a hint of change. Does he even hang around you a lot or is usually "Off at his sister's house" like this?

Committing to it. I'm not even going to bother elaborating because unfortunately, I really don't see your boyfriend changing for the time being.

Finally, I think not putting yourself in vulnerable situations is the key to success. If you cheated, and you don't want to again, cut ties with the people who you are just so infatuated with, don't continue to hang around and be like "oh its coo, we just friends!"

Some people can't do it, Lilly. They're born and raised that way, and he's not ready for his fun to be over yet. Why should you suffer for it? Do you think you aren't good enough? Because honestly, just this little back and forth conversation with you shows me you're pretty smart. You're aware of a lot more than normal people are, and you don't have to settle for a dude like this.

Give me 5 good reasons why you keep him in your life, honestly.