Venting about my weekend/life... Need help. Quitting Smoking!

Okay. So, first off.. I'd like to thank anyone reading this, and replying to it. I appreciate all of it.

So, I lived with my father from age 12-16, I just turned 17 in May, he was verbally and physically abusive, Calling me fat, ugly, saying I was going to go nowhere in life, now.. I know I'm not ugly, I'm fairly good looking. I'm only 5'9 and 170, I've lost 50 pounds in the past year, I moved in with my mother in March, I've been happier since I moved here, everything is going good. In the first semester of the year, I missed 45 days and failed all four courses, this semester I missed 8 days in the first month, then moved in with my mom, missed 2 days, (sickness, and a miscarriage, my girlfriend..) Anyways, I got over 90% in both courses, I've been getting better. Now, about my girlfriend... We've been together since valentines day, she's beautiful, and I love her, a lot. But... She's rude to me a lot, she hits me, etc, etc... None of my friends like her, she is disrespectful to my mother, and step father, everyone.. She can't come over for awhile because of stuff that happened this weekend, she won't let me talk to 5-6 other girls, I had to block them on facebook and stuff, but she does love me.... She is bipolar, and has severe depression, like me.. I need some advice, my parents tell me to search around, for a girl who doesn't hit me, has respect.. etc, she makes me do EVERYTHING for her, I don't mind it, but I think she can get her own food, and drinks and such... We're sexually active, blah blah... this is all over the place, I know. I also started smoking weed a few months ago, and cigarettes. She doesn't want me to continue smoking weed, because she did and got into other bad stuff, and doesn't want it to happen to me.. I feel like, I can't do anything I want... I just wish she could be different, and respect me and my family more, and my friends... none of them like her, especially my friends... She punched them. I wanna quit smoking cigarettes, but it's hard, with a lot of stress, I tried working out more to deal with it, video games, etc. Nothing helps... I'm worried about what will happen later if I continue to smoke, I just need help, and advice. She does care about me, and she does love me... but I need respect more, I'm a year and 7 months older, seems like the majority of teenage girls are like this.... Girls that offer me advice, and I vent to them, she doesn't like it.. because she wants to be the only girl I vent too.. but she gets mad sometimes, and yeah.. Please, I need advice! Thanks.

 

She doesn't care for you and she doesn't love you.
She wouldn't treat you like shit if you did.
Dump her. Don't even give me an excuse of why you can't, just dump her.

I used to live with a dick head of a dad who used to treat me like shit, but I went on to college and now I'm in uni, when I'm done I'll make more in a month that he does in a year. That satisfied me a lot and with you doing higher education you can do the same

I've been with my fair share of girls (probably about 70% of them are because of uni) and none of them have ever treated anybody like that, nor do they know anyone that does. I've only know one person who has ever hit their parter, they got beaten up by the rougher part of my family and they got divorced.

Dump her. Now.

 

I want too, but it's really hard, I really love her... and I feel like nobody else will want me, she might be pregnant... and I can't leave her, if she is... Or if I do, just be supportive, I'm worried IF she is, she will NOT let me see the baby..

 

The way I handle my problems is by listening to myself.

If one of your friends said what you just said, what would you say to them?
I know it wouldn't be to stay with her...

 

Yeah... I know... I know I should do it, but it is really hard... I couldn't stand to see her with someone else either. I just don't know.

 

1st you seriously need to get out of that relationship. If you do truly love her like you say you do then the best thing for both of you is to break up. Even though she has Bipolar and severe depression, it does not give her the right to hit you and degrade you like she has been doing. I suffer from severe depression myself and know that things like that can seriously effect someone. The best thing you can do is leave her. If she is really pregnant, then i would advise that once the baby is born that you apply for custody of the child as if she carry's on acting the way she does, the depression could spiral into PND (Post Natal Depression) which would become a serious risk for the baby. Yes allow her access but from the sounds of it, it would have to be supervised access.

2nd: Congratulations for putting up with your father for so long. Well done for getting out of it. I have a friend who had a seriously abusive father which has completely destroyed his self confidence.

3rd: With the smoking weed thing, STOP!!! With severe depression the week will seriously fuck up your mind. Trust me on this ive smoked it and it just makes you feel worse and worse constantly till your being paranoid about everything.

4th: With the quitting smoking normally, i would advise going to the doctors and seeing about receiving a prescription for different nicotine replacement items. There are many different things out there from lozenges, gum, inhilaters, patches, tablets e.t.c. There is so many things out there that one will help you stop. Ive personally found Electronic Cigarettes helpful, as they look like cigarettes and also feel slightly like them when you inhale while giving out a white water vapor which helps sub-consciously while also releasing nicotine into your system.

I hope this has helped somewhat.

 

She is going through a tough period, ask any women who had a miscarige it devastates the person.

 

Since Lala handled it nicely, I'm just going to contribute to your smoking problem.

I used to smoke a lot, but that all changed when I switched to electronic cigarettes. They were a bit hard to get used to at first so I smoked both cigarettes and electronic cigarettes but after a while, I couldn't stand normal cigarettes anymore.

Electronic cigarettes deliver the same amount of nicotine and don't smell half as bad. Plus, they're a lot cheaper.
Since you've only smoked for a couple of months, I think that you'll get used to ecigs a lot faster.
If you want more info on this topic, I'll send you a link with a lot of helpful advice

Another way to stop smoking is to remind yourself of its dangers. We all know that cigarettes are bad for our health, but we chose to ignore the dangers.

Those hotlines available to help you are there because they actually work. Try them.

 

Get out of that relationship now. Once your boyfriend/girlfriend hits you, that's the end. You now know that it will always come to this, whether it be a 2 months from not, or in the next week.

As for your situation, I've been in a similar spot. I moved to live with my step-dad to be with my good friends for the year before my mom could move back, it was a weird situation because they weren't seeing each other anymore. He was verbally abusive to me, I think this also comes out of jealousy. What you need to do, is tell him how you feel about what he says to you, and that it really hurts to hear him say things like that. I know it may be hard, but in the end, it will turn out, and it will also strengthen your relationship.


Listen to me, cigarettes are nasty. Cigarettes give you a buzz, which isn't even worth it because within 20 seconds it's gone. I would say stop with the weed, like LaLa said, it fucks up your mind so bad until your constantly paranoid, still dealing with that bullshit. Workout a few times a week, whether it be running, lifting, or sit ups. Studies show that working out is similar to a small dose of citalopram (anti-depressant) which would really help you right now. But yeah, you need to dump this girl, it sounds like she is the main source of all your problems. She has you right where she wants you, right under her thumb, controlling everything you do. Don't let her, it is your life, do what you want with it. How would you like to be stuck with that for your whole life, constantly being told what you can and can't do, choosing who your friends are, being a waitress 24/7. Trust me dude, now's the time to run, just cut your losses and go.

 

Thank you everyone for the advice, I really do Appreciate it.

@Lala, I really do love her, but it seems like what you said is for the best... The supervised access would be nice, if I do break up with her, but I'd feel horrible that she'd rarely get too see our baby, if she is pregnan.
Thanks, he was a real dick... I saw him the night I posted this, with my grandfather and they started a huge yelling fight at my brothers grade 9 grad.
Trying to stop smoking weed, haven't gotten high since the 16th or 17th, so yay. c; even turned it down for free saturday night.
I'm going to try to quit, but it's helping me cope with my stress, and all these problems.

Thank you very much.

@Personal
Yes, I know... but still, it's hard. I will talk to her about it first. Thanks.

@Sexy

Yes, I have been looking into electronic cigs, I'll ask my mom to get me one tomorrow, when she gets paid. c; Thank you.

@Got

I know, I really want too.. but it's hard, I couldn't stand to see her with someone else, it's hurtful... I cannot talk to my dad, as I stated what happened the night I posted this, and I just simply don't wanna, my step dad is more so my dad then he is... I'm trying my best to quit, and I wanna get out in a way, but I don't too.. I love her to death, and she means everything to me, but all my friends that have met her, as well as family, and my moms friends told me I should leave... I just feel I'll be forever alone too, and I do love her a lot like I stated, it's just.... hard.

 

No problem, if you ever need to talk or want any advice let me know and i will try and help out.

 

Thank you! it truly means a lot!

 

When it comes to smoking I figure you just need to set a date to quit and stick to that date. Think of it as some sort of interview for a job or something that important, put it on any calender (including electronic ones) and don't smoke after it (obviously). There are all sorts of devices and gadgets that "help" you quit, but when it comes down to it you need to tell yourself in your head that this is the last smoke you will ever have then stop outright, if you don't I don't think it is possible to quit.

 

No offence, but Bitch be crazy.

If I had a girl who hits me and on top of that disrespectful to my mother, then bitch gotta go.
But then again that's probably cause I've grown to have friends who are friendly and respectful towards my family.