Need criticism

This is a snippet from a song I'm working on.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CablRnPfTxA&feature=youtu.be

Please note it was done with a home microphone and I've put no effect on it.

Just tell me what's good and what's bad, just seeing how I can improve atm.

Thanks in advance

 

You know what. Good fucking job.
I can tell you put alot of work into this, and it shows.
The audio isn't that great but you don't need good audio to get your point across.
About the lyrics. The verse flows very well and there are some clever multis in there. The most impressive part is how you tell a story that makes sense and flows chronologically. I like how it's about something meaningful and how it invokes feeling in the listener. It's passionate and it's actually something that feels real and meaningful (and I sincerely mean that) instead of the cliche random alpha male gorilla lyrics. Oh, and the beat with the intro was absolutely SPOT ON with the message you were trying to send, so kudos for that.
About the vocals. You're accent was sort of caught me off guard at first (not necessarily a bad thing) but as it progressed I actually found it kind of unique and refreshing.
For the sake of criticism, I think a slower rap with more spacing and time to accentuate the sounds of the words would do you alot of justice. That's really the only thing I can criticize you on.
If and when you finish the rest of this, let me know, and I'll be more than happy to give it a listen and tell you what I think. Even if you have another piece that you'd like some feedback on, I'm here.

I thought I'd take my time and give you an honest critique because you definitely deserve it. Thanks man, keep it up.

PS. I may be American but I totally agree with how you feel man, especially the United Nations part.

 

Thanks champ

 

I think it's terrible. I haven't listened to it, but if you're not gonna write an entertaining story to go with the thread, I don't think you've got the energy and vibe that the music industry is looking for today.

<3 Arrow

 

"The biggest cowards in the world are the arab nation"

Well.

Thank you, I guess.

I think you meant arab leadership? Because the arab nations are rioting like there is no tomorrow (HINT: ARAB SPRING)

Sincerely,

An Arab Coward.

 

I am referring to the actual nation, not the people of the nations. I am referring to the governing body of it which is why the line says nation not people.

P.S I am Arab myself, I see where the misunderstanding is. No harm intended.

Much love tezzy <3

 

I agree with the guy who said its terrible.
You have no flow, no power in your voice, no heart in what your saying, the stuff you write didn't make sense.
Im not saying this to be mean, im giving you my honest oppinion.

As a tip i'd say quit writing about all the stuff you want people to think your about. Write about somthing in your life that you've actually experienced so you can soulfully rap about it, not just be another sterotype.

 

:/ that bad

 

Not sure if the lyrics are "nice" to certain people, but the beat and the tune etc. are nice

 

So use don't like the lyrics

 

Yeah.
Focus on what you think is right rather then trying to please other people with your lyrics.
But IMO, you shouldn't be a rapper. Perhaps just produce tunes rather then rap in them.

 

I wasn't going to reply with my honest opinion to your other post, but since you persist with calling me fake, I will.

Nobody called it terrible, except you. Tezlin said he didn't even listen to it, he's an old friend here who was joking around with me, not that you read the post.

Okay, that's your opinion. Fair enough.

I seriously think you're fucking with me. It makes perfect sense to a normal, literate person. What part doesn't make sense?

I can honestly say I have never heard this type of rap hit mainstream radio. I may not be in Syria, but they are my people, and I felt like I had to at least write something about it. This is not the first song I've written, and it certainly won't be my last. Your honestly the first person to tell me I'm bad, which is fine by me as long as it's your opinion, but to accuse me of being fake, not once, but twice really pisses me off. I am not trying to please other people, I couldn't really give two fucks. If I was that hell-bent on pleasing people, I'd write a song about getting bitches, hopping in clubs, that fake shit they play on the radio. I wouldn't be writing about my homeland, I've never once asked for sympathy in anything I've written, never once bragged, I write about the real shit, and if you can't feel or "Understand" my lyrics, then I know at least half a dozen people who can, and I haven't shown anybody bar a couple of really close friends and Sythe.

I don't mean to be rude, but I felt like I at least had to defend myself.

 

Qaddafi opened his mouth, nekminut ...

OT: You asked for criticism and Im obliged to deliver, you drag out the end words to much you can basically hear the syllables in each end word like your trying to sound them out but a bit quicker. Other then that sounds alright for a home room job.

Who cares if no-one likes the lyrics.. sing what you want some people are always going to be offended/butthurt, you could write a song about happiness an chocolate an the depressed healthy people will moan about it.

 

I was offended by him saying I was doing what people wanted me to do, his assumptions, that's all.

Thanks for at least giving me some constructive criticism. So you're saying I end the line/bar too slowly?

 

I like the start, but you lost me at the middle-end. I think it's the choice of words, it needs either more or less syllables.

 

Wow, amazing i like it bro we should collaborate sometime...

 

nice postive raps. good chorus

 

Anymore?