How to make Cereal. (Sample from my guide)

Here is a preview on how to make cereal. The full guide will sell for $4.

Cereal : relating to grain or to the plants that produce it; also : made of grain

1.Getcho bowl shawty.




This is a level 7 bowl but you can use what you like

2. get you a spoon



Some spoons come in different colors and sizes. I use a standard 12" spoon for the flexibility of the function when lifting the spoon to the mouth



3. now you need some cereal

Here are some examples of cereal.






4. Now you collect your milk


Some milk is chocolate but i recommend that for more experienced users


5. Put the cereal in the bowl along with the spoon of your choice.




6.Add milk





7.GRUB


8. ????


9. Profit

 

Can you make a video guide? this is too hard to understand

 

And you put milk in mason jars why?

 

Better than putting mason jars in milk.

 

Mason jars allow the enzymes in my milk to form and create healthy bacteria

 

guys...


do it right.

 

All in all, it hadn't been a good day. Bad traffic, a malfunctioning computer, incompetent coworkers and a sore back all made me a seething cauldron of rage. But more importantly for this story, it had been over forty-eight hours since I'd last taken a dump. I'd tried to jumpstart the process, beginning my day with a bowl of bowel-cleansing fiber cereal, following it with six cups of coffee at work, and adding a bean-laden lunch at Taco Bell. As I was returning home from work, my insides let me know with subtle rumbles and the emission of the occasional tiny fart that Big Things would be happening soon. Alas, I had to stop at the mall to go Christmas shopping. I completed this task, and as I was walking past the stores on my way back to the car, I noticed a large sale sign proclaiming, "Everything Must Go!" This was prophetic, for my colon informed me with a sudden violent cramp and a wet, squeaky fart that everything was indeed about to go. I hurried to the mall bathrooms. I surveyed the five stalls, which I have numbered 1 through 5 for your convenience:

1.Occupied.

2.Clean, but Bathroom Protocol forbids its use, as it's next to the occupied one.

3.Poo on seat.

4.Poo and toilet paper in bowl, unidentifiable liquid splattered on seat.

5.No toilet paper, no stall door, unidentifiable sticky object near base of
toilet.

Clearly, it had to be Stall #2. I trudged back, entered, dropped trousers and
sat down. I'm normally a fairly Shameful ****ter. I wasn't happy about being
next to the occupied stall, but Big Things were afoot.

I was just getting ready to bear down when all of a sudden the sweet sounds of Beethoven came from next door, followed by a fumbling, and then the sound of a voice answering the ringing phone. As usual for a cell phone conversation, the voice was exactly 8 dB louder than it needed to be. Out of Shameful habit, my sphincter slammed shut. The inane conversation went on and on. Mr. ****ter was blathering to Mrs. ****ter about the ****ty day he had. I sat there, cramping and miserable, waiting for him to finish. As the loud conversation dragged on, I became angrier and angrier, thinking that I, too, had a crappy day, but I was too polite to yak about in public. My bowels let me know in no uncertain terms that if I didn't get crapping soon, my day would be getting even crappier.

Finally my anger reached a point that overcame Shamefulness. I no longer cared. I gripped the toilet paper holder with one hand, braced my other hand against the side of the stall, and pushed with all my might. I was rewarded with a fart of colossal magnitude - a cross between the sound of someone ripping a very wet bed sheet in half and of plywood being torn off a wall. The sound gradually transitioned into a heavily modulated low-RPM tone, not unlike someone firing up a Harley. I managed to hit the resonance frequency of the stall, and it shook gently.

Once my ass cheeks stopped flapping in the breeze, three things became apparent:
(1) The next-door conversation had ceased
(2) my colon's continued seizing indicated that there was more to come
(3) the bathroom was now beset by a horrible, eldritch stench. It was as if a gateway to Hell had been opened. The foul miasma quickly made its way under the stall and began choking my poop-mate. This initial "herald" fart had ended his conversation in mid-sentence.

"Oh my God," I heard him utter, following it with suppressed sounds of choking, and then, "No, baby, that wasn't me (cough, gag), you could hear that (gag)??"

Now there was no stopping me. I pushed for all I was worth. I could swear that in the resulting cacophony of rips, squirts, splashes, poots, and blasts, I was actually lifted slightly off the pot. The amount of stuff in me was incredible. It sprayed against the bowl with tremendous force. Later, in surveying the damage, I'd see that liquid poop had actually managed to ricochet out of the bowl and run down the side on to the floor. But for now, all I could do was hang on for the ride.

Next door I could hear him fumbling with the paper dispenser as he desperately tried to finish his task. Little snatches of conversation made themselves heard over my anal symphony: "Gotta go... horrible... throw up...in my mouth... not... make it... tell the kids... love them... oh God..." followed by more sounds of suppressed gagging and retching.

Alas, it is evidently difficult to hold one's phone and wipe one's bum at the same time. Just as my high-pressure abuse of the toilet was winding down, I heard a plop and splash from next door, followed by string of swear words and gags. My poop-mate had dropped his phone into the toilet.

There was a lull in my production, and the restroom became deathly quiet. I could envision him standing there, wondering what to do. A final anal announcement came trumpeting from my behind, small chunks plopping noisily into the water. That must have been the last straw. I heard a flush, a fumbling with the lock, and then the stall door was thrown open. I heard him running out of the bathroom, slamming the door behind him.

After a considerable amount of paperwork, I got up and surveyed the damage. I felt bad for the janitor who'd be forced to deal with this, but I knew that flushing was not an option. No toilet in the world could handle that unholy mess. Flushing would only lead to a floor flooded with filth.

As I left, I glanced into the next-door stall. Nothing remained in the bowl. Had he flushed his phone, or had he plucked it out and left the bathroom with nasty unwashed hands? The world will never know.

I exited the bathroom, momentarily proud and Shameless, looking around for a face glaring at me. But I saw no one. I suspect that somehow my supernatural elimination has managed to transfer my Shamefulness to my anonymous poop-mate. I think it'll be a long time before he can bring himself to poop in public -- and I doubt he'll ever again answer his cell phone in the loo. And this, my friends, is why you should never talk on your phone in the bathroom.


tl;dr

- having a bad day
- had a bowl of cereal
- really needed to do a number 2
- went into the toilet cubicle
- someone was in the cubicle next to me
- he starts talking on the phone
- i hold it in
- i couldnt hold it in any longer so i let it all out
- the guy on the phone starts stops talking and starts gagging
- finally he stops gagging and theres a silence
- followed by a noise and him storming out of the bathroom
- after doing my number 2, i check his cubicle
- he had dropped his phone in the toilet, but whether he flushed it or not remains a mystery
- lesson learnt: dont talk on the phone in the bathroom

 

Please send me a message if you would like this verified.

 

Jeff you have way too much time on your hands.

 

This.

 

As Requested

 

which one are you?

 

That video was uploaded in 2009

 

I dont understand how do i "collect my milk?" I think im missing some mammary glands=[ please help , urgent help required, paying up to 45c.

 

i want a refund this guide made me throw up

 

This originated on 4chan, and was reposted to reddit/imgur like 2 months ago. Get with the times.

Regardless, the first time I read it, I laughed so hard I cried.

 

I am struggling with putting the cereals to a bowl, what am I doing wrong?

 

Try putting it in the bowl while not being a faggit.

 

I used to have that problem too back in the 90s. Boy were those some good times. Once when i was going cross seas on a cereal expedition. Oh look at me getting carried away.

Well just try pouring the box at a 78 degree angle with a temperature of 22 in a orange bowl instead of clear. That should fix it.