Most painful event/situation you have lived through?

Losing my mum in a car accident. I lost her at a rather young age(I lost her a week after I turned 5, I'm 15 now.) I don't remember her at all, which hurts most. I have little pictures of her, as my dad and her weren't together. Pretty sure my sisters/and mums parents would have pictures but I don't think I could look at them without crying. :/

Would have made a huge difference to my life, I'd be a totally different person if I didn't lose her. When she passed away I had to move towns to live with my dad, so pretty much if she was still alive, I'd have different friends, go to different schools, I might not even be on sythe right now if that all happened.


Another story;

Basically my dad and his fiancée, who I loved dearly, she was basically my mother figure in my life. They ended up breaking up after quite awhile being together, a ton of shit happened that I don't know the exact details for. All I know is my dad ended up getting in a fight with her son. Then they must have went to court or something without me knowing, but my dad basically waved to her, whilst they were stopped at the traffic lights, he got sent to jail for 2months for that. I basically slept at different family members houses with my little brother for that time period. Then a retraining order was put on my dad so he can't go near her son, we had to move towns(We lived in a fairly small place, bumping into anyone anywhere is so likely). And now if we go back, if my dads caught he is sent to jail again.
Basically, being away from your only parent, and not being able to see them for even 2months is hard. Wish I knew more details on it. Might not seem like much, but fucked up my life pretty bad. I rarely go to school here, I have almost no friends since I moved. Pretty depressed person nowadays.

 

Thankyou man I attend a few groups a week that help me deal with my addictions on many different levels, and get support from people who are just like me and have gone through the same things. I used to be totally turned off be the idea, but after I gave it a try I realized that talking about your issues is a very important part of the healing process. Self acceptance of your past, and acknowledgement of the impact these events have had on your life, is very important for a person who wishes to heal their soul and move forwards in their life. I've also learned that life is just filled with so many of these "curveball" events, learning ways to cope/deal when you are young is a great skill that you will need in your future, likely many times.

I will add you when I go on MSN. Thankyou for the offer, and again for sharing!

That is an incredible story, Anet. I have often thought about how horrible it must be to experience something like that, as sadly it seems to be a fairly common occurence in the world these days. It sounds to me like you might have a bit of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, which can be triggered by little things and totally throw off your week. There is special types of therapy that are tailored specifically to the need of somebody with PTSD, and maybe it would be worth a shot?

Very interesting stories you have here man. I have been physically beaten a few times in my life, and I know how much it sucks. You are lucky that you came out of it alive to be honest, many kids aren't so lucky.

I had a similar experience when I was about 13 years old, when I was dating an "older, more popular" girl from school, and had a few of the older guys that were very jealous and did not like the fact she liked me. I was harassed a few times by some of the older guys, and teased at school. Its a long story so I will keep it short - but I ended up having to "stick up" for her one day by threatening to beat the shit out of this older kid. I was secretly scared out of my wits, but I acted calm and cool, and went up to him in front of a ton of his friends and slapped him around and tossed him on the ground and made him look like a little bitch. Needless to say, I never got messed with again by any of the older kids :laugh: ever!

I also had a seperate incident where I got a knife pulled on me over the same girl. Some kid brought a steak knife to school in his backpack for his lunch, and ended up pulling it on me in a rage over an incident with her. Godamn girls are nothing but trouble !

That sucks Dorian! Glad to hear you could just brush your shoulders off and give it another go. Keep at it, and you will no doubt get there some day

Wow, losing a parent... I can't even imagine. I remember a time when I was a young kid and actually wished my parents dead sometimes, as I was so angry with them and hated them so deeply over stupid things. But if anything had ever happened to them, I would have been so sorry. They are my #1 supporters right now, and without them I would be homeless and broken and a complete mess of a human being.

I am so sorry to hear about you losing your mother man. Hopefully one day after you are older, and you have dealt with your feelings and accepted your loss, you can actually go back and look at photographs of your mother and learn about her life? It may be a painful experience - but I'm sure it would be very uplifting aswell, getting a snapshot of the kind of person she was and how much she loved you. I'm sure her love still carries on with you whether you go.

I am sorry to hear about the situation with your Dad aswell. You have been through alot unfortunately, but hopefully your bond with your Dad will only strengthen and enlighten your understanding for each other further. You guys have to stick together! I am glad to see you on Sythe though man


** Thankyou to everybody for sharing your stories! I enjoyed reading them all, and I hope that you feel a bit better after getting those things off your chest

 

@Zerkerfist - I have never really told anybody this but I will share it with you guys. My parents did sign me up for theropy after I finished recovering. For 3 months after the incedent, when ANYBODY said the word "Bullet" IRL that I had a flashback right then of when I got shot. So I went to the psychologist for the first time and he asked me how I was doing blah blah blah. Then he asked "So what went through your head when you realized the bullet had hit your hand?" Right then I went into the flashback. Right as the BOOM from the gun in my flashback happened, I woke up. I was sitting on a car in the office buildings parking lot. The psychologist was standing there and told me what had happened. He said that after he asked me the question that I got up, yelled "God Save Me!" then stormed out of his office, out of the building and into the parking lot. I then got up on a car, stood on it and yelled "Do you hear me god??" Then sat down an woke up. I had tests done to see how it happened and nothing was found. I was given some medicine and sent home. The flashback happened 2 more times from somebody saying bullet. But a few months later I realized that nothing happens when i heard bullet anymore. We started going back to the psychologist and he just said that I would just have to grow out of the stress triggers.

So far the triggers are infact becoming more rare, but just a week ago I got stressed about graphs. (graphs were the trigger) I was worried about graphs that were uneven. I didn't even have to see a graph to be worried about then, just randomly 7 or 8 times that week I just started getting really pissed about graphs. The whole week I was down in the dumps. But that was the first time it happened in the past year'ish. The "bullet" thing has never happened again, and will never happen again.

Thanks for reading!
Anet390

 

Wow!

This is just another example of exactly how powerful the human mind can be. Obviously, the event of the shooting in the past was so severely traumatic, that your brain has almost blocked out a chunk of your recollection, and suppressed your memories. Apparantly, from what I have read, this is extremely common for victims of similar types of trauma, or people with PTSD. I've heard stories of old war veterans who suffer from PTSD, and any mention of guns, war, loud noises, people "running" or looking startled and/or in panic, yelling etc. cause them to have severe flashbacks and sometimes even mental breakdowns. These images, sounds, and words just trigger suppressed memories and emotions in their brains that are brought to the surface all at once. As horrible as it must be, it is quite fascinating to think of how our brains are capable of such strange things.

I'm glad to hear that the stressers and triggers are becoming less frequent, and less severe. I think overtime they will fade and perhaps even disappear completely one day, but it will take time. I really do believe that therapy, support groups, and talking about your situation will help you to confront these horrific scenes from the past, and come to accept them and not be so seriously affected in the future. Some of those mental scars you will probably carry forever, unfortunately, but you CAN heal and get better. It all just takes times.

Thanks again for sharing Anet! Your story is remarkable, and very inspiring.

 

I honestly cant tell you i've had the worst life nor the best life kind of in between. At the age of six years old i was on a trip to the United States funded by a man who my mother met via a friend. We lived in Argentina and they got introduced they spoke alot via Online etc My mom and dad never married and didn't ever live together my entire life. My whole family was in Argentina. I came to the USA as a trip 3 months later my VISA was expired and my later to become step dad did not take us to the airport which was my only chance to see my father again anytime soon. It was for about 5 years later that i saw my father by this time my mom had been married to the guy for 2 years and divorced had my little brother. Although we did keep good relations with the guy he had a different culture he believed in " egyptian " Im glad i got my brother though.

Another one was a recent break up i was with the girl for about a year i treated her like a princess and i fucked up and she left me for an ex boyfriend although i didnt fuck up enough for her to leave me like that which makes me think she really had other intentions. What ever. Fuck'em.

 

Family situations like this are unfortunately so common these days, and can be some of the biggest challenges people face when they are young; having to grow up without one of their parents. I'm sorry to hear about the turbulence you experienced in your childhood, but you said it yourself - you got a little brother out of all this!

As you get older and have more resources at your disposal and become more independent, maybe it would be a good idea to reach out to your real father and try to reconnect with him on a new level? I'm sure he would love to hear from you, and maybe you guys can arrange for a meeting, or a trip out to go see him, and you can start to work on building & strengthening your relationship. You never know what might come out of it! My mom reached out and did this when she was nearly 40 years old and ended up discovering not only her biological father, but a whole other family we have out in England. Over the last few years she has grown extremely close with a few of those family members in particular, and travels to England regularly to visit. They also travel out here to Canada to visit her (and us) So the point is that you just never know what might happen! There are so many good things that could possibly come out of it.

 

I might eventually i mean i do talk to him from time to time and two of my brothers do live with him in Argentina which i do talk to from time to time i'd say i see all of them every like 2 years including all my other family.

 

Thats good that you get to see them atleast some of the time. I can only imagine how difficult it would be to have to live without being close with your family. I hated my family when I was a little teenage brat and I wanted nothing more than to be away from them.

Ironically I am back here, years later, living with my parents again (who have been happily married for over 20 years), and all 3 of my younger brothers. I honestly can't think of anything else I would want more right now. I love my family and it is such a blessing that we all get to live together and have a close relationship, something that I have taken for granted in the past.

I hope that you can build a closer relationship with your Dad some day man Just never give up hope!

 

Well...physically painful, I have chronic shoulder dislocations XD Which sucks. I have a problem with the collagen in my body, it is very elastic which makes me very flexible and double jointed...which is cool. However, this also means that it is easy for my bones to just kind of slide around in my joints XD So if I move my arm in certain ways (and sometimes what seems like just fairly randomly) then it will just pop out of place. (however, because my collagen is so elastic, I can usually just slide it back into place...it just hurts like no other). The first time this happened to me was the summer of 2010 when I was swimming and I was trying to swim away from my friend so I was trying to go faster and my shoulder just popped out of place in the pool XD I had to relocate it myself, not even knowing it was dislocated. It happened against when I threw a football and it was rather bad this time so I had to go to the ER and have them relocate which is when I found out what was really happening. It has since happened about 20 times in the past year and a half (because the arm movements feel natural...until it hurts). The dislocations usually aren't bad. I've only had to go to the ER once and a lot of the times they just slide out then immediately back in. Which is bad...it is just like 'OH GOD, RANDOM SHOT OF PAIN IN MY SHOULDER' and my shoulder is always sore for a few hours afterwards Needless to say...my friends have banned me from playing sports with them >.< (I am starting rehab soon, though, so that the dislocations stops happening)

As for emotionally painful...well...

basically, there is this girl I've been in love with for about two years now and she is a pretty religious girl but I have always just thought we were perfect for each other. We are good friends, have similar interests, can have meaningful conversations and debates without getting mad at each other...I means its just perfect. (Also, I am very moral, personally. I'm an atheist but I'm also a straight edge and a lot of my friends relate my morals to Christian morals XD). Her parents had a rule that she agreed with that she couldn't date anyone during high school...so I respected this and waited. We ended up going to the same college which was even more awesome and we remained good friends. We hung out and everything. We went dancing one night and then the next night we went to an opera together...and that night I decided to finally asked her out. She apologized and said "I'm sorry...but I won't date anyone who isn't Christian. I hope you understand". Now, honestly I thought this was rather stupid :/ but I was kind of in shock at the time so I just said "Yeah..." and told her that I wanted to remain friends with her. We still are friends and we haven't really discussed it any more...I'm still in love with her, which sucks But I'm trying my best to move on with my life.

 

The most painful thing that i have ever experienced in my life is when i was a senior in highschool one of my best friends ( a very popular cheerleader) was bullied so bad that she couldn't handle it anymore and stayed home one day and hung herself :'(. i didnt find out about it until right after basketball practice that night when i tried to call her cell phone and her dad picked up the phone crying and told me she was no longer with us anymore. This has had a huge impact on my life as i think about her on a daily basis and to make things even worse this all happen on my mothers birthday so every year i am sooo happy to spend another year with my mother but it turns to sadness shortly after i think about my friend not being around anymore. i still look up to the sky and talk to her every now and then. i even went out the next day and got a tattoo of her name below a cross with our school colors on it. it just another reason people need to take note to all of the bullying that is going on in the schools these days. i am getting better with her not being here since it has been 5 years but it still hurts a lot.

RIP des

 

That is so harsh bro. I can't believe that you guys are so close and yet, if she has any feelings for you whatsoever, she won't even consider them as you do not fit her "religious" mould. My mother is Christian, and my Dad is not, and although my Mother always wanted to marry somebody within her religion or church, she met my Dad at a young age and they fell totally in love. In the end, it is the fact that although my Dad doesn't necessarily share all the same religious views as her, his morals and values in life very much align with my Mom's, and they both wanted the same things. So they started a family together and my Dad has always been a hard worker, a great provider, and I don't think my Mom has ever once regretted her decision. It should be the person who counts, and not their religious beliefs.

I hope that she sees the light one day man and comes to her senses and realizes that she may have feelings for you too. You sound like you care about her alot and like you would be a great partner for her. And who knows, maybe down the line she could convert you?

This was such an incredibly touching story man. I am so sorry to hear about your loss and my heart goes out to both you and your friend who is no longer here with you. I know how much the suicide and pain of a person close to you can impact your whole life, my cousin committed suicide when she was barely into her 20's (just over 4 years ago). She was even engaged and living in Sweden and had a whole, beautiful life planned out ahead of her...

I also watched my ex girlfriend struggle with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder from her best friends Dad's suicide when she was younger and before she moved out here for highschool (they were extremely close and he was like a second father to her). It was heartbreaking to watch how much pain she was in, and we both struggled through that time every year. It became increasingly difficult for her when a girl in our school commit suicide who we had taken a writing class with. I think the whole experience of watching everybody grieve and seeing a family ripped apart was like reliving the whole traumatic experience all over again.

Suicide is a terrible thing, especially when it was fully and completely preventable (like the case of your friend who was bullied). I totally support educating youth these days about the severe impact bullying/cyber bullying can have on other people. You might not even know how badly it affects another person to be relentlessly taunted, teased, belittled, demeaned, and degraded by their peers. None of us can unless we have experienced it ourselves.

 

thank you for your kind words of encouragement and i am also sorry to hear about your ex girlfriends PTSD and also you cousin who seemed alot like my friend just from what you have said i mean it is just so hard to lose someone that you cared about just because some "mean girl" in school were jealous of her popularity i am thankful that most of the schools in my area have a zero tolerance for bullying not but just sad it was to late for my friend. but at least she is watching over us all and finally the schools are doing something about bullying in schools it different for some guys ya know a kid bullies you and u just kick his ass after school but girls take it to a whole different level these days and it is sad that they dont know when to stop or when they have pushed to far until its too late.

 

Not a problem man, thank you for having the courage to share your story here and talk about it. I created this thread in the hopes of giving the wonderful people on Sythe an opportunity to confront, acknowledge, and discuss some of the more traumatic events of their lives, and to give us a chance to discuss these events and learn and heal from one another.

Sometimes it is just nice to know that somebody else knows what you are going through/have been through, and that somebody completely understands you. Like I tried to explain in my post, I know firsthand how devestating the suicide of a person close to you can be, and what a massive ripple effect it has down the chain. I also forgot to mention an old friend of mine from middle school and early highschool who shot himself last year and passed away. We had grown apart over the last few years leading up to his death, but I still often think about him and feel guilty for not having stuck with him through some of the harder years of his life. Being at his funeral was one of the most emotional experiences I have gone through. There were SO many people affected, from teachers, to friends, to family and relatives and everybody in between. Fortunately for him though, bullying was not a problem at all in his life and his situation was quite different.

Your story really raises some very common, and serious issues these days with bullying in schools. Especially in recent years when it has all carried online and "cyber bullying" was formed, many kids are being ridiculed and picked on daily not just at school, but also on Facebook, Youtube, and various social media sites. I know what you mean about girls being worse than boys too... girls tend to play a much more deep, intense game of psychological warfare with each other, which involves things like excluding girls from groups to make them an 'outcast'. I wish your friend had realized that there was a way out :'(

 

December 6, 2009. Me best friend/someone I had romantic feelings for killed herself. She worked at the same place as I did and we often hung out. From that date to December 15, 2009 my coworkers knew what had happened but chose to keep it from me. I was a mess for that week and a half because obviously she was not returning my calls, wasn't home, thought she had just upped and left. Then I learn that she is dead and everything goes down hill. Brief stint with drugs, losing my scholarship for college and couple days of jail time and I finally decided to change. Re enrolled in college this time working on my associates degree in mortuary science. I am know a student mortician and help families dealing with loss by ensuring that they know someone is there to talk to and providing the best service I am capable of.

 

Got some stuff to say, might be hard to write as it's stuff I really try to not think about.

I believe it was early 2009, I had just gotten out of school and was called by my mom, who obviously was in tears, calls to tell me my brother was hit by a car. I didn't know much, and didn't know what to think. She was on vacation and had to leave early. I didn't even realize how serious it was until I saw the ambulence car he was in pass by, with my dad following in tears. He was hit by an SUV at 35 miles an hour, and almost died. His whole right side of his face had been road raged, and he broke his collarbone. He couldn't remember that week (although it was only a tuesday or wednesday, so he didn't miss much) He was going to die, and he didn't because when he hit the ground, his backpack cushioned the back of his head. That backpack was destroyed, haha. Last year, a friend of my friend killed themself. Didn't know him well, but it obviously had a big effect on my friends. He seemed like a nice kid.

This year, with these both happening on the same day, I found out my friend got lung cancer and he doesn't know if he can be treated. I'm trying to figure out what to do, because I'm not going to let him pass away. At the moment almost no one else knows. He goes to school, lives a normal life. And after school that day, I talked to a friend of mine who was friends with the same people as me, who were from a different school. He told me one of them tried to kill themself, and she was in the hospital. She cut herself I believe, but I didn't try to find out what happened. She's still in the hospital right now for longer treatment.
There are things I have wrong with myself, but I won't post that stuff here.

EDIT: Wasn't expecting to cry so much writing this. I don't want my friends to die.:'(

 

Wow bro.. that is just heartbreaking to imagine losing a bestfriend and maybe even lover. What shocks me the most is the fact that your co-workers managed to keep it secret from you for a week and a half.. What the hell was the point of that?? Were they trying to save you from getting upset and meanwhile, figuring out a way to break the news to you? Or was it just that nobody wanted to be the bearer of bad news, and so they all watched you stumbling around in grief over her disappearance for over a week until finally somebody had the balls to tell you?

It sounds like you hit a period of rock bottom in your life, a dark hole where you lost all hope and everything caved in on you. I can't tell you how inspiring it is to hear how drastically you have changed your life around though That is truly amazing. Being a mortician must be very interesting work, but I don't think I could ever do it because I would grow too depressed dealing with grieving families all the time. But now that you have experienced such a terrible, heavy loss firsthand, I'm glad you have decided that you can use that dark chapter of your life as a way to reach out and help other people who are going through the same thing.

I think you will make a great mortician man! Good luck with your degree & your career

Jesus, you have really been through alot of bad things in the last few years man

The experience you went through with your brother must have been extremely intense, and absolutely terrifying while it was happening. I think I would completely lose it if I lost one of my brothers suddenly like that... but its amazing that he survived, all because of that backpack! I just might start taking my backpack to class more often from now on...

Do you feel like this event significantly changed you as a person? Or did it help you to really appreciate your brother and realize how much you love him? Sometimes it takes traumatic events such as these, or coming SOO close to losing somebody you love, until it really rocks your world how fast a life can end and how easy it is to take our close friends and our beloved family members for granted.

I am really sorry to hear about your friend with cancer. Surprisingly, I don't think the topic of cancer has been mentioned yet in this thread, but this is a huge one. I think almost every single person has been touched and/or affected by cancer at some point in their lives... whether you've gone through it yourself, have a close friend/family members/relative who has dealt with it, or whether you just know somebody from somewhere who has been affected by it. Cancer is a truly terrible disease, and it saddens me so much when young people are affected by such aggressive and advanced stages of cancer like your friend. Don't give up hope though man, stay strong both for you AND for your friend. Although your friend goes about his daily life in a fairly regular fashion like you said, I can only imagine the dark thoughts and the terror that must live inside his mind on a daily basis. He probably needs you now more than he ever has before..

I always promised myself that if a close friend or family member got cancer, I would finally get off my ass and do something about it. Shave my head and raise some money, or organize some kind of event as a fundraiser to pay for medical bills, cancer research, whatever. Maybe you could consider doing something like this for your friend, or getting involved with him and his treatments any way you can? Even if it is just to go with him and hold his hand while he gets his chemotherapy treatments, or to visit him in the hospital to watch movies, read to him, play video games or whatever. One of my friends Mom's survived breast cancer a few years ago, and so a couple years ago my friend organized this big run called "Underwear Affair", which was like a 10km Walk/Run event where everybody ran in their underwear, boxers, bras, pajamas, night gowns, whatever! She raised a ton of money and I thought it was a fantastic idea.

I really appreciate you coming to share your story though, I realize that it must have been very painful to write these stories, but I hope you feel a little better now that you have had a chance to get it off your chest and talk about it. I also hope my response wasn't too long. I tend to ramble on a bit sometimes (all the time) hehe :embar: . I wish you and your friend the best of luck in the future!

If you ever need somebody to talk to for any reason, I am always just a PM away, or you could add my MSN which is in my signature.

 

Sorry to be off topic but you've managed to actually make the best thread i've ever read on my entire 4 years of sythe, congratulations it gives people hope to continue life regardless of their hardships.

 

Probably worst situation in my life was finding out alcohol had been severely eating up my hip bone and I wouldn't be able to drink more than a beer or so to not see it worsen, I still do occasionally feel the pain in my hip but since I stopped drinking it has helped a lot. The doctor had told me if I continued to drink I may have had to get surgery depending on how serious it got.

I wouldn't say it was as big an impact as some of the stories on here but it still has impacted me quite a bit both positive and negative. Positives would include learning to have a good time without drink and, no morning hangovers. Things I seriously miss though is having a drink with a nice girl, chilling with friends feels weird when you can't drink and everybody else is, when faced with difficult times its hard to keep away from alcohol, going to parties without drinking is weird as well so I'm always the designated driver lol, I still do have fun without alcohol not as much but its still manageable once in a while.

Also I agree with Lucster this is definitely the best thread I've seen in a while, helps a lot of people nice job.

 

Thanks man! That really means a lot

I let the idea of this thread roll around in my head for over a month before I finally said fuck it, I'm making it. Lol. I am fairly active in Personal Support and I hoped that this thread would be successful.. there seem to be lots of people who need this area of the site to get certain things off their chest and who come to Sythe seeking people to talk to, so this is geared towards them if they need it!

I also regularly attend a few support groups in my real life, a concept that was totally alien to me about 6 months ago. I would have scoffed at the idea of "sharing feelings", until I finally bottomed out and really had no choice but to enter a treatment program. And through everything, the groups have been my absolute favourite. There is so much wisdom and learning that goes on when people get together and share their darkest and most intimate details of their lives, and discuss them openly. People heal and learn from one another, and use that experience as a platform to move forwards with their lives as a stronger person.

Hey, Punjabi3

This is a great story in my opinion! Although you say it might have "have as big of an impact" as some of the other stories shared, I believe that the experience you went through is a perfect example of a person given an ultimatum in regards to their health, and having to completely change their life around in order to continue being healthy. This takes a tremendous amount of courage, especially at a young age.

I was one of those people in highschool who should have stopped boozing and walked away from it, but I never had enough strength at the time. I got myself neck deep in shit numerous times because of booze, and created alot of firey wreckage in my life because of the destructive behaviour that would occur when I was drinking. Even though I was able to recognize this, I still was not willing to give it up because I felt that I was "too young" and that everybody else was drinking, why do I have to be the one person who can't?

I'm very glad to hear that you made the smart decision to quit drinking when you were faced with health consequences, and that you have actually found that life without alcohol is very doable and still a good time I know its easy to miss it, and even easier to be tempted when you are around groups of friends in social settings or at parties, but whenever you want to drink just think of how much healthier your body is now, all the money you are saving, and how you won't be waking up feeling like complete shit in the morning.

As you get older and meet more sober friends too, it should become much easier. Thankfully, people DO eventually grow out of the whole party thing and start to develop other hobbies & interests and the alcohol becomes fairly insignificant and sometimes even nonexistent when they are out "having fun" with your friends.

Thankyou for taking the time to post!

 

Yeah, I tend to deal with it. Also I realized I totally mumbled up my words, but the last couple of sentences was about a fairly good friend of mine trying to kill herself.

I think I'll add you man, you seem like someone who I can actually talk to. And yeah, I sometimes take for granted how much I love my bro. While we fight and he can be a complete ass to me, he's my brother, and I'd never want to lose him. I also realized this when one of my friend's sisters died... it changed her a lot, yet she still manages to be happy after all that has happened to her.

off-topic: you should be a mod for personal support.