[Guide] Getting through a breakup/tragedy

Suicide and violence are never the answer, and never an option. At times they may seem like the only solution to take, but I promise you, as someone who has stared down the barrel of a gun, it gets better. Life is like a roller coaster: it has it's ups and downs, twists and turns, and sometimes it feels like it's gone full circle, but in the end you'll want to ride again. If you ever feel suicidal you have resources, and NEVER be afraid to use them: friends, family, or even Sythe members. If no one else will listen, I promise you that everyone here will. If you ever just need to let it out, do not ever be afraid to post or PM.

I know this probably belongs in the guide section, but there it will garnish no attention and be buried forever under the pile of other guides. I feel this is the best place for it, and even if it only positively affects one person, it was worth posting.

The five stages of grief
"The scars you can’t see are the hardest to heal."
-Astrid Alauda

At some point in everyone's life, a heart break will occur. Whether it is losing a loved one, saying goodbye to a partner, or never having that person which you desire the most, you will find yourself staring down your own destiny; alone, cold, and upset. These feelings, though hated and unwelcome, are both natural and necessary. Below you will find the five stages of grief that are commonly shared among humans. These were developed by Kübler-Ross to describe the feelings one has when they first find out that they are dying. It was later applied to all forms of grief and sadness. I must make note that none of these come in any particular order.

The best practices in getting back to good
This is just a general checklist of methods that are commonly used to remain calm, collected, or controlled in a difficult situation. It is ALWAYS okay to cry or get angry, but NEVER okay to become violent or suicidal.

Meditation
Meditation is the single most important thing you can do to relieve stress and control emotion. Though many people meditate differently, a few general practices of meditation are as follows:

• Find good music to listen to. The music should be relaxing and calm, not angry or violent. Suggestions are as follows:
  Thunderstorms and rain
  Jeremy Soule
  Deuter
• Posture is everything. If sitting, sit strait up (no slouching), with your shoulders relaxed and your body comfortable. If standing, keep your head up and your shoulders strait. If laying down, lay on your back with your head slightly elevated.
• If sitting or laying, shut your eyes and imagine a perfect world. Imagine forests of trees and birds, or meadows of rolling grass with a gentle breeze pushing the wind. If walking or outside, take in the world around you with every breath.
• Take deep breaths, and continue breathing deeply. Inhale through your nose slowly, and exhale through your mouth slowly.
• Do not keep track of time. Let your body decide when it has had enough.

An example of how I meditate:
I lay in my bed with the lights off and my eyes shut. My stereo system is playing this at the lowest volume setting so it is only a whisper. The world around me doesn't exist; I am standing at the edge of a field with the wind swaying the grass and trees. The fauna ignores me as I look on. In this world, there is no suffering, there is no pain. Only beauty.

Exercise
Another major stress reliever is exercising. Couple it with meditation, and you've got yourself a major stress relief mechanism. Since we all know how to exercise, I won't go into detail with it. But a long jog through the woods can really do good things to your soul, especially when listening to relaxing music.

Venting/Ranting
Lets face it, at some point we all need someone to talk to. Venting is another great way to let the system reset itself. Got something on your mind? Talk to a friend, family member, or anyone who will listen, including Sythe members.

Distraction
We all have hobbies and things we like to do. Doing these are a major time-sink. Keeping yourself busy is another way to cope with a loss, just don't overdo it. As stated earlier, make sure you've taken time to really understand the gravity of the situation. To deny emotion is self destructive.

Closing remarks
This thread is far from finished. Over the course of the next few days it will be updated with feedback from the community, as well as a list of songs, coping methods, inspirational videos, distractions, and diversions. I ask that those reading it leave constructive remarks to be added to this list.

Remember, you are not alone. Sythe, though an internet community, takes care of it's own. If you're ever in distress, seek us out and let us know. We're here to get you through your hardest times. That's what the Sythe family is all about.

 

STICKY this please .
OT: Very well organized , helpful in SO many ways , I read every single word from the start to the finish . I hope this will help many people who have problems going on with themselves or others . Thanks for posting this !

 

I agree, this guide should be stickied. A lot of the problems I see in this section can be solved with this. One thing I must note, though, is that your "three stages of emotion" seem to be your variation of the Five Stages of Grief , perhaps you could replace it with that?

 

After a thorough grammar check I would love for this to be stickied. Very well organized guide.

 

This. The guide is far from finished but grammar checks are welcome. This is a rough draft, final draft will be printed and combed over.

I was looking for that. The three stages are general placeholders until I could figure out what the stages of grief actually were. I'm going to update it all tonight, including tips and tricks like "avoid participating in activities you did with your former loved one until you are at a stage where you can do it without falling apart" and "avoid stress eating, it actually causes more stress." I have a pretty long list of things I need to add, so stay tuned.


Edit 11/3/2011 - I will be editing the main post 11/4/2011, not tonight. Work in Chicago tomorrow, which is a two hour drive. Hooray!

 

Updated to the Kübler-Ross model. Will add coping mechanisms later tonight.

 

Great guide Malyce! I'm sure it will help a lot of people

Just a couple quick contributions:
1. In your depression section, it says "a serious though" and I think you mean "a serious thought."
2. Also, I find rain really relaxing to listen too as well, especially for homework. I'd suggest replacing the Youtube link for thunderstorms with rainymood.com. It's an infinite loop of thunderstorms and is absolutely amazing!

 

Done an done. Still working on my list o' stuff, will have it live hopefully tomorrow. Building it in word currently.

 

This is amazing. I just went through something like this, and I could actually look at what I did in reaction to it and recognize that I had perfectly gone through all but the fifth stage of grief. This is going to help a lot of people, it's a great guide.

 

Moving to the guides section.

 

Since guides go to the guide section to die, I'm letting it do just that. Time to do better things with my life than help people.

 

Thank you

going through not the most fun right now, and that was very helpful

 

Very nice guide.
When my girlfriend broke up with me, I was kinda happy, and I thought its cool.
2 days later I realized that I miss her, and after 1 and a half year I got over her.

 

Found this guide incredibly helpful in my recent breakup =/

 

This helped me realize my emotions. I noticed I went through the grief steps before, and am currently going through them again. rainymood.com is a great addition too, Pockets. I found this website to really chill out my emotions and just lose myself.