Parents

First off please don't troll or think I am not serious about this. What I am saying is completely how I feel so if you have some thing that isn't constructive just please leave now. Please read the whole post before posting as well.

Lately (the past few months) I have a hard time understanding and talking to my parents (mostly my mom) about really any thing even minor situations. When ever I try to hold a conversation it normally ends in an argument or a awkward silence. Basically the only time we really talk is at dinner and then through out the day I have a few small conversations like if I'm going out or about my day at school etc. And every time we talk it starts like this.

Parents- "*My name* Hows was you day at school?"
Me- "Good."
Parents- "Any thing interesting happen today?"
Me- "Not much *list some small random fact*"
Parent- "Okay, did you remember to do * list of chores or homework assignments*?"
Me- "Yes/No I'll complete it now or already have done it."

Like honestly school and chores is the only thing we really talk about. A few other times we have talked about random things at school or my friends but like I said it never ends well so because of that we just don't really talk. I love my parents and all but I just don't really connect with them and have a hard time relating to them. Today as an example I brought up that the bill on weed was not passed so we started talking for a bit and I said I was for the bill and thought it would help the economy if it was passed and they quickly said that was stupid and I shouldn't think like that, (In lesser terms, they didn't full out call me stupid.) Then it just ending in silence and later they mentioned something about the government and I said that I though government isn't always a good thing and the same thing happened.

That has happened a lot these past few months and because of it I don't really feel like talking to them because it always ends in a bad way or them just getting pissed with me. The weird thing is I don't' have a problem talking to other people or other adults like the parents of my friends. I can handle that no problem and when I have a problem I normally go to my friends first and then my parents end up hearing about it later from some one else and get pissed at me for not tell thing them first. The icing on the cake is when my mom says "*my name* Your body motions are showing that you don't want to participate in the conversation" and I just want to yell out "Well fuck no! All you do is disagree and "yell" at me!" The problem with just telling them that is they are pretty hardcore Christians and would freak out if I said that.

Basically to sum up this "rant" I can't talk to them at all and I have tried but it never ends well. I would like to get on good terms with them but I just can't seem to agree or have a pleasant conversation with them like I do with any other person. Advice?

Also, I am 15 and my parents are 53 and 51. I don't know if that helps but I figured I should put it in anyway. Thanks in advance.

 

Well you really just need to try to tell them what you just told us in more appropriate terms and if they try to argue about it with you honestly you might have to accept the fact that you really can't go to your parents for everything if there going to argue about it and not even listen which completely defeats the purpose of communicating with them. Not saying not to talk to your parents just you might have to just go to a friend for certain situations .

 

You say that the only time you talk is at dinner and through out the day.

Perhaps you could try extending the conversations you have at dinner.
Once you have all eaten dinner, stay with your parents and continue to talk about it.

The main thing you need to know is, your a teenager...
When I was your age I spent most of time in my room or out with friends and only spoke to my parents during dinner, I also often got into arguments with them etc.
It's a normal thing and you shouldn't really be worried about it.

 

Alright man well first of all, It's completely normal to have short conversations with your parents, the more you grow up the more you'll be able to relate to. When I was 15, I would only talk to my mother at the dinner table and nothing else really because we would always get into fights no matter what we talked about.

Wait a couple of years, and it'll be easier to talk to them about things other than school, etc.

They probably still think you're a bit immature and that's why they only ask you about school related things. Next time they do, try giving them a bit more of what you did that day, and take it from there. Bring up an assignment and talk to them about ideas, and from there initiate conversations and hopefully they will get deeper.

I hope that helped a bit, but if you still want to talk about it, PM me for my MSN and I'll be more than happy to help you out

 

You're my doppelganger.. :3

I don't really see any problems with short conversations. If there's nothing to talk about, there's nothing to talk about. You could try asking them how their day was, what they did, etc. or bring up other topics to talk about.

Parents ask the same questions, I answer the same way, then go hang out. I don't see any harm in it.

 

Hey Bubba. It's pretty normal to not hold long/important conversations with your parents, and also usually kids at your age don't want to really talk with them much as well.

If your really concerned about it, and want to hold more actual discussions with your parents then just talk to them about it. It may be possible that they just think that your input on subjects doesn't matter, and if that's the case then try to tell them that they should respect your opinion a bit more.

Also like Gohan said, it should get easier to talk to them as you get older. The probably (like I said before) is because they don't really notice your opinion on subjects that come up on things such as the government because they may feel you are too young/immature (even though that may not be the case) to talk about that certain subject.

Anyways I hope that this advise helps, and also I wish you the best of luck with your parents!

 

Thanks for the feedback guys, the issue is that they seem to get mad at me because I don't want to talk really. Like for dinner my mom has said several times that I need to participate more int he conversation even though my day may have been crap or I just don't feel like talking but they pressure me to do it and then it leads to an argument.

 

Puberty,

Anyways you should talk to your parents more so you wont get in an arguement. They are just trying to have a relationship with you and you are being stubborn. Everyday i have a crappy day at school...Do you think i let that not talk to my parents. Be greatful for parents..because once you get out on your own...you have no one..talk to them more..Develop a relationship...My dad is 53 and Mom is 50 and im 17 and i have a good relationship with them...

 

just a thought, but when your parents disagree with you or indeed when you disagree with them (which amounts to the same thing really) - Try gently telling them that they brought you up to think and to have opinions, they educated you and gave you a brain - they may not always be the opinions they want to hear, but at least you're thinking for yourself and not just blindly accepting the status quo.

Btw - I'm a Mom and I see this in my own child - it's not easy being a parent sometimes and it's not easy being a teenager - but truly .. one day you will all start talking again, this part of your life is a passing, fleeting iota of time in your lifespan - try cutting them a little more slack and also try and make them see that you are actually thinking for yourself and that you have a right to have opinions, whether the older generation like them or not!

 

When I lived with my parents, I always had this problem, but it was more deflected towards my sister. They would have the same conversation with her because after years of having it with me, they just stopped asking me and went right to asking her at the dinner table. My sister is incredibly bright but has to work very hard for the grades she earns, but loves talking about her day at school, unless she had a bad day. Like you said, you may be having a bad day and do not feel like talking, but at least try to push out some sort of conversation because if it comes to the point where you tell them you don't feel like talking, they only seem to prod at you more because the parental response it to try and solve the problems in their child's life.

You mentioned that your parents have deeply rooted Christian beliefs and it seems that you really don't have those same beliefs. To avoid such arguments I would suggest avoiding topics that your opinions would clearly conflict on. Talking to your parents can be hard, but if you want to maintain a good relationship, it is almost essential. Just take them through your day at school, maybe go in depth as to something interesting that took place in one of your classes, discuss an assignment and maybe even ask them about their high school experience. It's something I assume both of them had and are probably willing to share with you if you ask.

 

don't always think about yourself..ask you mum and dad how their day was I'm sure they will appreciate your concern. Watch sports with your dad? help your mum in the kitchen. Go on a family holiday, ask for homework help etc..

 

Thanks for the feed back! (Especially CaptainMoose and flipflopsftw)

I have gotten the input I need from this thread and I will try to pursue conversations even if I don't feel in a social mood and follow the other tips you gave. Thanks for every one that posted!

 

You need to do the same activities, to play board games for example, then everything will be okay.

 

Normally, if I feel like bursting out, I hold my emotions in and become sullen. Eventually, my parents ask me what the hell is wrong with me and then I have an outburst, and then nothing happens after that.

Try making small talk about thing that they like, or events that happened on the news recently, or even about your hobbies.

 

No problem man and best of luck