Dumping my cool FB status's CONTRIBUTEEE _-------------------------------------------------------------------------- Officially likes stupid jerks. Reason? They make me look better around everyone else [X] Why is a bra singular and panties plural? [X] Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else. Laughter is a smile with the volume turned up. [X] I have finally come to the conclusion that Waldo is trying to ditch me. [X] A little lie is like a little pregnancy: it doesn’t take long before everyone knows [X] Well aren’t you a waste of two billion years of evolution. [X} No, I’m not weird. I’m a limited edition. I am not single, I’m romantically challenged. you got a sickness, ill be your remedy Life is a roller coaster. You can either scream every time you hit a bump or you can throw your hands up in the air and enjoy it.[X] It’s not “When Wild Animals Attack!†as much as it is “When Stupid People Get Bit.†[X] I leave notes on people’s windshields telling them I smashed their car and did an amazing job fixing it. I asked if she liked my handsome face or my sexy body. After looking me up and down, she said my sense of humor. Physicists have yet to explain why 200 people can be working at a Wal-Mart but only three registers will be open [X] Milestone: just had my one-millionth apathetic thought. I guess that’s something to be proud of, but… meh. Let’s hold off calling dolphins the smartest animal until they stop getting caught in nets. The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas [X] Facing your fears builds strength, but running away from them makes for an excellent cardio workout. Where are all the sour patch parents? X If mickeys a mouse and minis a mouse, and donalds a duck, and daisy and goofy are all animals and they can talk, why is pluto just a dog? Is mickey keeping a mentally handicapped dude as a pet? X First katy perry had whips cream shooting from her chest, now its fireworks. What the hell is going on? Smile, it’s the second best thing you can do with your lips. Guess what? It’s talk like a ninja day! So just….shut up. Had sex with your mom in an elevator, it was wrong on so many levels (; X Ill slime you(her) so hard you could be on nickalodean! Love is an irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired. If rabbits feet are so lucky…what happened to the rabbit? You’re slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.
