Beyond Depressed

Alright well I have no idea where to start all of this. For the past years, i've been suffering through this horrible depression of mine. I am 16 years old & going into grade 11 next year. I've gotten into drugs, stolen, broke trust & lost friends because of this. My family has just lost our house due to a bankruptcy of owning a $400,000 house by a single parent, my mother was supposed to get married, she got pregnant and her boyfriend left leaving her with $10,000+ in debt etc. On top of having to take care of the three kids she already had not including the baby... She is also in a court case for custody of both my real brother & sister, who has lied his way all the way to trial. She is in $40,000 debt. I am not used to the way I am living now either, and it severely bugs me.

The depression is extremely starting to hit me now that the baby just came and is nearly a week old. I have lost all relationships with my step-dad step brother & step sister. I have no desire to do anything because of this depression, some days I even wonder if I should bother getting out of bed because all I do is watch tv, use the computer & play video games etc, to get my mind of this terrible depression. My mother is well aware and has been trying to get a councellor for countless months. I have no job, i've applied many places etc. I waste my time doing nothing, I just recently got a fine for $325 while my mom was giving birth to my baby sister, now I look back and say WTF am I doing. I've resorted to selling stuff I have recieved for money for drugs/etc. It is terrible, The only thing that seems to help are relationships, I haven't been in one for quite awhile and I can't stand being bothered while at home. I do go out quite a bit with my friends but not at all with my family, I can't do it. I have no idea what to do anymore. I have lost my house, my family members and now we are struggling. I have no motivation to do anything. I have been clean off drugs for awhile and want to stay that way. The reason I went to drugs is because it is the only thing that make's me feel happyish. I have nobody to talk to right now as it is nearly 3AM. Somebody please help me, i know this isn't going to sound good but i've tried in the past to kill myself, it didn't work. I don't want to go through this.. Please help me.

Also, I do not know the cause of the depression which is why I can't help it.. So please don't post any offensive/vulgar comments..

 

Honestly....my opinion would be to actually try in school, get somewhere in life so you can always help your family out and at the same time try to balance a job so you can help your mother little-by-little in the mean time. As for the gaming and friends, try to cut-down a little so you can help around the house.

 

I'd say get rid of the weed pictures from your avatar and signature as you said you are off it and want to stay that way, it obviously doesn't seem like it with all the pictures of the weed leaf.

Keep trying to look a job, it is very hard to look for a job, just keep trying. I know your mom knows that she wont be able to get out of the debt alone, she needs someone and I can tell you that she is looking up to you to get a job and help her out. Just stay dedicated to looking for a job, once you find a job, you'll get the necessary money to built up onto what you had before. You'll get rid of the debts while your mom takes cares of feeding your siblings. The most you can do right now to help your situation is to be even more dedicated than you were before to look for job. I really do mean it, you need a job, its the first step to fixing the miserable situation your at right now.

Good luck. Try to get over the depressions yourself so your mom does not need to pay additional for counseling and can focus more on getting rid of debt and building back up.

 

The biggest problem is I have no motivation, I can't fucking do anything or be happy anymore. I legit want to fucking die, I don't care what anyone says anymore.. This is fucking bullshit

 

Just keep your head up and get a job. Trust me, it'll get better. Force yourself into getting a job if you have to. From what I can understand, it's the only way out of your family and your misery.

 

It's not as easy as it sounds, today I literally slept in my bed till 5pm.. Doing nothing all day, every day it seems to get worse. I want it to stop, it won't. I still cannot get over the lack of motivation it is feeding me. What I posted above is a few of many problems I am currently having, I will be up all night crying again. It's became so bad, I don't know & don't care what I do anymore.. To be honest I would enjoy if it ended this second.

 

Sounds unfortunate, have you ever thought about looking for online or over the phone help such as a depression hot line?

 

There is too much stress in your life! You're only 16, you shouldn't be worrying about financial stuff. My advise is:
* Sit down and think. Think about your life, where it is going, where you want it to go, and how you are going to get there (in that order). You need to finish high school first, then start looking for a career job. Figure out what you want to be and get schooling for it! Possibly (and hopefully) pursue post-secondary education.
* Find an activity that you enjoy and start doing it more! Whether it's painting, going for walks, working out at the gym, playing music - whatever! This will reduce your stress level and make you happier. Personally, I love snowboarding and swimming - those are my stress relievers. Also, hangout with a "good" group of friends more often (preferably drug-free, but more importantly friends that encourage you and build you up). Friendships are very important at your age.
* Stop taking on your moms burdens. The debts her lifestyle has accumulated are not your responsibility. Focus on your life how you plan to make ends meat. This goes in conjuncture with my first piece of advice.
* This may surprise you, but proper diet and exercise will work wonders on your emotions. If you start eating healthier and get a solid 8-9 hours of sleep each night, you will feel better during the day, emotionally and physically. Trust me on this one. Seriously.

These are just some small suggestions. There are literally hundreds more, but take it one step at a time, ok? You've got a long and prosperous life ahead of you. Did you know that if you smile more often (even when you are unhappy), you will feel less depressed and happier? It's simple tricks like these that you should start trying.

Also, your avatar and signature confuse me. You said you want to stay off drugs, but you're parading around the forums with pictures of marijuana. If you want to stay clean, get rid of all the shit in your life (including these advertisements). You don't need it man.

 

Thanks, but i've done all of this. Countless times. I am now at the point where I literally cry myself to sleep, I can't sleep because of it I am up to 7-9am every day before I fall asleep, I do nothing with my day. The legit only reason I haven't killed myself is because of my mom. I honestly don't care about anything anymore, I just want to get out of this life.. Also about my avatar and Sig, I just havent had the time to change them as I've only been online to check this thread every once and awhile.. Once again, thanks everyone.. The only problem is that every day is becomes worse and worse, I have no idea why, this is what bugs me the most. I honestly see myself going nowhere in life as it is mainly because I am holding on by a thread right now and there's no way in hell i am going to be able to maintain the responsibilites as an adult.

 

Well, killing yourself would be stupid.

You've lived for 16 years, that means you have accomplished SOMETHING worth living for.

Think of your mother, do you think that on top of all of the shit she is going through she wants you to commit suicide?

 

Like I said earlier, she is the ONLY reason I haven't.

 

Shit happens it's your life and you choose to live it the way you see fit. Material objects and luxuries are not just going to be given to you, you need to work for them. Finish your education and get a good job. Your mother doesn't want anything more then to see her child succeed in life. As for drugs, who cares? People live by experience, you live, you learn and you eventually get over it.

Friends come and go, it's the people who stick around that are worth living for. It'll get better in time.

 

Your still 16 and have a long way to go, I would suggest that you focus in school and achieve good marks, as Your Junior and Senior year are the most important. If you do that, You'll get into a good college and from there you'll get a good Job which will give you a good income.

As for the Depression, Everyone goes through a bad phase during their lives. Strong ones learn from it and continue and even become stronger mentally, Weak ones will choose the dark road that will lead you to nowhere.

Also, If you ever feel like talking, Shoot me a PM or add my MSN.

 

I would only consider Suicide an option if you were a living vegetable.

You're only sixteen, there's youth groups aimed at people in the same position as yourself. Just think, when you hit rock bottom, the only way you can go is up.

I know this suggestion may sound a bit silly, but often joyful music cheers me up when I'm down, and talking to other people... Therefore I suggest looking around your area for youth groups, to find people in roughly the same position as you, then you'll be easily able to relate to them and form a bond.

It may not be able to solve your families debt problems, but it will most certainly give a well needed boost.

 

I absolutely hate talking to councellors/ random people about my personal problems. I talk to strictly friends who I trust 100%. I cant' stand doing anything of the sort. :/

 

Yea but just from that I can gather that you don't talk to them simply because you don't trust them. But you should understand that you aren't alone in the fight against depression as a global problem and that there are people that can help you.. People that have went through exactly what you're going through.

 

It's not about trust, I'm well aware everything said to a councellor is 100% confidential. They just never seem to understand, nobody understands unless they have the same or similar problems as you. In my eyes I personally just see it as a waste of time. It does nothing but make me think about it while there, making it worse.. I've also noticed lately that its starting to hit me HARD at night, especially before I go to sleep. FML

 

Just chin up bro I know that's easy to say but while there may not be people willing to listen to you in the real world I'm sure no one here would mind adding you on skype and having a good chat to you. Sometimes a good companion is all you need to pull through things like this. Also fuck what everyone says about getting addicted to games or drugs or whatever, do what you want and what makes you feel happy BUT DO IT IN MODERATION if it is going to affect your life as an adult try and steer clear but some lesseons can only be learnt by making the mistakes.

Like I said just talk to someone man, if you need someone I'm here add me on msn/skype and we can talk, I'm a pretty open guy and I'm around your age so that will help

 

Distractions like video games and TV don't help. I tried to distract myself too but I found out that accepting the problems in life and if you can't accept them immediately try to distract yourself with like jogging or walking even though it may seem pointless. You slowly have to accept the fact that life isn't easy and put all of that extra time into mindful distractions other than video games and tv. Start off by cleaning around a little bit or walking around outside. Try as hard as you can to stay away from video games and tv. Just keep reminding youself that life is great but it isn't easy. If you ever need to chat just PM me and I'll add you on skype or something. I hope this really helps.

 

In times of hardship, familys become close. Despite the fact that you are going through issues, you should look toward the brighter side of the equation, in that you and your family are there for each other. Embrace the closeness and bonds you share with your mother, brothers and sisters. Before you think of inflicting pain at yourself, please consider who all you would be hurting. Your family would be devastated, I would hurt man, everyone in contact with you would hurt. That is never the answer, instead be strong for all of us, use your friends and family as the fuel for you to better yourself. Try putting your mind on other things, like the gym. I use the gym to take out all of my frustration, and its somewhere i can be at peace with myself. Studies show people who frequently work out are enormously happier then those who don't.

I am available 16 hours a day if you ever need someone to talk to privately, via the IRC or my MSN posted in my signature. I will ALWAYS reply.

Your friend, Sacro