1 year marks...

I'm sorry that this is really brief. I simply can not write about this for more than a couple minutes without getting emotional.

As some of you might know, I've been handling a breakup for the past 4 months now.. rather poorly on the emotional aspect. I haven't talked to her in 3 months and all of these "would have been" 1 year marks are coming up. Our first date, kiss, when we went official, etc. I miss her like crazy and I wrote her a letter.. 4 pages basically asking her to talk to me again. I don't know what to do.

 

You've got to move on unfortunately. If she does not feel the same way, there is no reason for falling behind in your past. You should live your life how it should be lived, and you'll surely find another girl

 

I agree with Father 2H that you need to start taking steps to move forwards with your life.

I have been in your exact shoes - 1.5 years ago exactly, and I still have a heartache for a girl that I still love, but who no longer wants anything to do with me. There are times when "would have been" anniversaries pop up, or I suddenly remember fond memories, or stumble upon old notes she had written me etc, and I get extremely sad and depressed. But I've finally realized that the longer I dwell on the past and on this previous relationship, that I am doing nothing but a huge disservice to the possibility of me ever having another happy relationship with another woman.

Its been 1.5 years for me, and most people would have long ago moved on with their lives. But I have not allowed myself to accept, heal, and move forwards. I think you are in the same boat mate, and you should think about doing this yourself. It is okay to try for awhile to mend things, but if she is giving you absolutely no response and has no interest in getting back together with you, then pick yourself up and walk away from the situation.

 

I'd suggest giving her the letter , and just see how it goes from there . . . If she still doesn't want anything to do with you , even in a friendship kind of way , then sadly you just have to move on . You can't dwell on one thing , it isn't healthy and it prevents you from other experiences in life with other women .

 

I think anyone can get over a girl tbh. I actually don't believe in crap such as love at first site and your young, your going to find someone else. Feeling bad and keep thinking about her isn't going to get the two of you back together, i'm not usually harsh in my comments but you seriously have to get over her, your young mate, this stuff happens, you need to get over it!

 

I feel like i'm over her for the time being. But I just miss her SO mcuh I can barely control it.
But I know talking to her will hurt me..

Thankyou everyone for your insight. It means a lot.

 

Yes, i know what you mean mate. Try keeping busy, give yourself something to do.

If you ever need to talk, add my msn mate.

 

Thankyou. I appreciate that.
(to be honest, I'm really happy. I just go through these swings every once in a while. Where i'm still happy but I miss her more than anything.)
Also, i'm currently chasing a girl right now.. so hope that works out

 

There's alot of fish in the sea mate , just don'tgo for that girl , find another

 

That's what I like to hear buddy, the dog is off the leash

I think if you and this new girl your chasing works out and you start dating....goodbye random emotional swings

 

That's what I'm hoping too. I'm not sure it will work out. I always fall for really amazing girls who are out of reach.
(not attraction/popularity, etc. Theres always that one little factor that makes it impossible)

 

You have Anchor's. How many girlfriends have you had? How old are you?

 

What do you mean by Anchors?
And 1 relationship. that's it.
I'm 18.

 

i've been going through this for the past few months
but the thing is the break up was mutual so i still talk to her at times
its been around 5-6 months since we broke up and she told me probably a week ago she over me and that she might start dating some other person
but then i realized that i need to just accept the fact that i can't make her get back with me again and that if i see other people then maybe i can try to forget about her, but she'd still be there somewhere in my mind

maybe this helps maybe not
but i think you can either 1. keep trying to get her back 2. move on or move on when she does

 

It was mutual with us too. We tried to be friends. Actually ended up having sex at one point.... Then everything crashed big time. I haven't talked to her for a couple months.

I'm not sure how well i'd handle knowing she was with someone else :/

 

I don't mean to sound like a dick AT ALL, but she will eventually find someone else, and that's just something you'll have to deal with man. That is a worst fear among plenty of people (men and women both), including myself.

You'll find someone else though, too. Don't let her mind-fuck you.

 

I hear what you're going through and yes, it does suck. I still think about the first girl I loved every now and again, but it gets better. As lame as it sounds, time does heal all wounds. These guys are right when they say to try and focus on other things to take your mind off of her. When you do think about her, try to think about how you've grown and what you've learned from the relationship as a whole.

It'll get easier bud, hang in there.

 

Yah, i've come to all these conclusions. And things are much better, but it hits me sometimes.

Exactly 1yr ago was our first date :/

 

First off, I'm truly sorry to hear this, I've been through what you're feeling right now....It will pass... trust me, just gotta tough it out, try and keep yourself preoccupied. Exercise is quite good for this sort've stuff actually, I hope you feel better soon =]

Now I think the short answer would be to move on and just try and forget about the whole thing....but I feel if you are the type of guy who really enjoys and wants to make the most of longterm relationships...you need to do a postmortem, maybe not now, but in the future.

The number one question is why you broke up... I've not heard of ANY relationships working on the spot. Many people get together and enjoy the good moments, then a few arguments later they break up. 1 year isn't a terribly long time, probably the rockiest period of a relationship if you ask me...you're past the "honeymoon" period after a few months and onto the part where you're actually coming to terms with what you like and dislike about each other.

I know some girls actually like to keep things pent up, they won't tell you what they dislike...it just builds up, everything will seem find until one day they want to breakup. Other girls like to test you to see how much they can get away with, and if you give in too easily to everything they will get bored and just dump you.

I think it is important to be yourself in relationships, by that I don't mean farting in front of her etc, you can be a gentleman, just don't be the guy who is wearing his girlfriends handbag all day with the entire focus of his life aimed at pleasing her.

At the same time you shouldn't be the guy who keeps blowing off his girlfriend for gaming and such, set aside time for your girlfriend and time for gaming or whatever it is you like to do. The point is you need to get a balance, I've found that a lot of people either spend too much time with their gf or too little, generally a lot of time at the start of the relationship and then progresively less weeks or months in.

Finally make sure you guys talk, sit her down and have a proper conversation, about things which are important to her, things that are important to you, talk about your relationship, sex, etc. If she is having doubts, tell her that a relationship isn't easy and it takes time and effort from both parties to make it work, tell her that you are trying your best 'cause you (want the relationship to work)(you love her), take your pick or replace it with your own words. I think a lot of guys don't like to talk about their thoughts/feelings unless its shouting them out during an argument in the most angry insensitive way imaginable, because that's the "man thing to do". Don't think like that.

Maybe none of what I said applies to you, but I thought I'd share it anyway.
If nothing else, I hope you can find comfort in the knowledge that you aren't alone in your pain, many of us have shared in it, you have our support, chin up buddy.

 

Well, exactly 1 yr ago we were on our first "date" even though neither of us knew it. First time we ever hung out...

Not doing so well :/