Love and Codependence

Frankly I feel like I don't know the difference between the two. For some reason I feel like having a relationship with someone is a necessity in my life. It was just today that my relationship ended with a person who I feel like I gave my all for, but may be my fault for not foreseeing that not having a lot in common is a detriment to the foundation of any relationship anyway. Truly I need help understanding the difference and learning how to live independently from the thought of needing to be in a relationship to be happy.

 

You attached a lot to her and all of a sudden she's not there anymore. You gave her all your love and made her a big part of your life, and it goes away just like that! I have some experience of it...
Try to be her friend atleast? Or ask her why.. and try to make her understand your point of view on life and see if she agrees, try to keep an open mind towards her as well..

Find happiness in helping others. Maybe try to understand what life is all about, that's the kind of person I am. Sometimes I realise that the only thing that can give us real happiness and doesn't go away, is God. Maybe talk to others about it!

My name is Saad

 

From a novel by Orlovitz,

"Love is not interpretation; love is not sensing another's agony, nor feeling it; love is compelling the object of one's love to do as he wants that object to do whether that object be agonized or gratified; love is not caring for the object of one's love's agony or gratification, an utterness of not caring; to love is to get one's pleasure out of the loveobject; love is ruthlessness."

I would say that love sometimes is all of those things. Not always.

Love is far more complex than what Hollywood would have us believe (it's interesting that Orlovitz wrote Hollywood screenplays; go figure...)

In a sense, love involves what you've called codependence; it involves trusting someone to bear the weight of your life, with all the pain and pleasure there experienced. It also involves accepting the possibility that there are parts of your life that can't be shared - no matter how much you may want to. Maybe there lies the crux of the problem: you're must constantly figure out what can and cannot be shared. From there at least proceed countless questions and difficulties.

It's hard to say precisely what love is, in part because it means different things to different people. In my experience it's a very delicate thing, easily lost and desperately sought.

Try thinking about, not so much that you need a relationship, but why you want one at all. It may be that in order to be with someone else you first must learn a lot about yourself.

If you meet someone with whom you can be brutally honest about your fears and desires, it may be a good sign .