So...

Met a really great girl in my math class this semester. Beautiful, smart, funny, great personality, and really fun and she really seems to be into me. I've been single for a few years now, I think about 3 - I've lost count. So I've been out of the 'game', if you will. I really enjoy being around her and we hang out a couple times a week as work and school allows. Things have gotten fairly serious and we've talked about a relationship and she told me that she wants to have a relationship with me but she just got out of a serious relationship in January and wants some time to be single and make sure she is ready to commit again. I feel strongly about her and I feel like I've already made a pretty big emotional investment into our unofficial (?) relationship and I think she has too because we've been very frank in our discussions about our lives, our problems, and each other. I really want things to work out because I feel like she has been really good for me because before we started talking I was in a pretty dark place in my life and I am still going through a lot of personal things and she has been there for me and has really cheered me up. After all of the stuff we've admitted to each other and then some recent events I've realized that she really must care because any other person would have ran. I still have that nagging thought in the back of my mind though wondering if she is ever going to be ready to commit to an official relationship with me or not.

I've told her about these feelings and she told me she respects how I feel and don't blame me, and she has also told me she may never be ready but that she really wants a relationship with me to work out. Maybe I am just worried over nothing because I feel like it is going to work out, but at the same time I guess I am wondering if I have committed all of this energy and emotional psyche into this and it is going to do nothing but blow up in my face. She tells me to stop freaking out and just give her time and I would gladly give her all the time she needs because I care very deeply for her. Don't get me wrong I love every second we spend together and I don't have to have a title for it to mean something. Something that bothered me a little is that I introduced her to my family because she wanted to meet them and I asked her to meet her family and she has told me she is not ready for that, and I understand but I feel a little stupid because I've already made this emotional investment. Same thing goes with bringing her home. We live a bout an hour and a half away from each other but I picked her up after class one day and brought her to my house and we hung out, but when I ask her about her taking me to her place she says she isn't ready. I guess I really should've thought things through, because I am in a place in my life that I really don't need to be crushed by something like this if it doesn't work out but I am already in so deep emotionally and I've become really attached to her emotionally that I can't just say fuck all and drop it. I'm just conflicted as you may be able to derive from my rambling and flip-flopping.


I suppose I don't really have a question, more of just an admission. Seeking advice or ideas on how to work through these personal neuroses.

 

i feel like she is just using that excuse to not break your heart. even though she may have gotten out of a serious relationship it might mean she doesn't want to rush or wants to be single and have fun. it's hard to say. have you two even kissed or anything? if she TRULY liked you, i don't see the reason for not being officially together. goodluck

 

Just stay down the path you're on with her and things will work out. Just by the description you provided, she's into you (and I believe you know that) and is equally invested, if not more. Girls try and play things off sometimes but are so into something that you can't tell.

You're doing good with her and just keep it up. Don't press too hard on things like going to her place or meeting her parents if shes not ready. It can turn her off real quick and that's something you don't want. Go with the flow and let it take you to the right positions with her.

 

Phew that makes me feel better, because she is great and I really enjoy her. It has just been such a long time since I've felt this connection with anyone. So it is pretty scary.

 

Here's your 'answer'. I never asked my girlfriend to be in a relationship, it just happens. Spend time with her and continue enjoying the moments with here like you do now. You'll be fine.

 

Supposed to go out Thursday and we went and had lunch today. I kind of made her a little mad because she had to go and I told her it was disappointing because I had made a big thing about getting today off so we could spend the whole day together. We were supposed to go see a movie, but stuff had some up with her grandmother and she needed to run some errands.

 

So we had a great day and then a pretty shitty evening. This morning she told me she had got emotional before I made it to class and cried a little. I asked why and she reluctantly admited it was her exs birthday and she had read and email from him. Well after I took her back to her vehicle I got to thinking on the way home and decided I needed to ask her an important question. I told her I knew she had strong feelings for her ex and she told me she still loved him and I asked what was going to happen when he comes back for the summer and she told me she couldn't trust him but couldn't promise they wouldn't end up back together so that crushed my soul a little bit, well a lot actually. So then we discussed it for a bit and agreed that we would just forget about the conversation and make things work because we have something special and she told me she wants to work through her emotional issues and get closure.

 

Honestly, if she said "can't promise we won't end up back together", that kind of means she still has him in the back of her mind and that you could potentially just be a "space filler". I'm not sure man, I don't wanna ruin on your parade but it just doesn't look good if she's still that into him.

I look at relationships differently than some people so that might be it. If I'm talking to a girl and start to get feelings for her, yet she still has strong feelings for someone else, I either end it with her or ask her if there is no doubt in her mind that she's over him and wants to move on. It's tough being the rebound guy after a girl has a breakup but it's usually worth it in the end.

 

Since you all have already talked about the possibility of being in a relationship and both parties seem interested, I would say it is relatively likely one will take form.

Now, the whole "I need time" thing could be a genuine "I need time", or it is a "I've become really attached to you, but I do not want to date you and I don't know how to say that without problems taking form."

I would say give it a little while and see how it progresses. Of course dating is just a word and you can practically be dating/have a very close emotional bond/or just be fucking/whatever, but until you all establish it you are not exclusive (unless you establish that w/o establishing dating I suppose?) Providing you are interested in dating her, I would ride it out for whatever amount of time you think is reasonable. Please don't set yourself aside indefinitely. There comes a point where you end up being led on and "I need time" just doesn't work anymore and its up to you to recognize when that is.

I wish ya luck

Saw this right before I posted. Going off this, it sounds like she was in a rather serious relationship. Depending on the person, it can be quite hard to get over someone and may take weeks/months/sometimes longer.

I would go the route of being a good friend without expecting a relationship out of it. Providing she moves on and both of you are interested, a relationship will likely then form. If not, you all could still end up just being good friends (whether that's something you're interested in I do not know.)

Relationships can certainly work w/o being friends first, but imo relationships with a friendship foundation seem to fare better.

 

It appears you're stuck in the friend zone. Stop spending time with her, it's only going to make you feel worse when it doesn't work out. Give her the ultimatum of having a physical relationship or none at all.

 

Do not listen to 70i, listen to everyone else, some times girls just are not fully ready but when the time comes it will be right, hope that helps.

 

Interesting read, basing what you said of your latest post (and as other users were saying) she still has some sort of feeling for her ex. Did she tell you about the breakup? Was it her that broke up with him, or the opposite? Also is this ex-boyfriend confirmed to back in the summer? Damn man, I have never been that situation you were talking about in the car, but a crushed soul seems to be most hard hitting words to describe it.

My advice, try not to dread on it man. I know - you already expressed your feelings and situations to this girl, but maybe she hangs with you just to take her mind off him? Don't take my word for that - just a shot in the dark here. Anyways, try not too more "involved" than you already are. You really like this girl and it would for all this hard work and emotional commitment to go down the drain. Best of luck friend, keep us updated.

 

It sounds like she wants to be with you, but isn't ready yet. I mean, she may still have her ex on a sort of pedestal, if you will. For example, I was super into my past ex, and thought that she was just absolutely everything. Well, crap happened and now we're through, but for a while I felt as though I still felt highly of her even though I didn't like her, which made it hard for me to understand my worth, why someone would want to be into me, and other depressing untrue bologna. The girl you're into could very well be just going through this same phase.

However, in the mean time, don't rely upon the possibility of you two entering a relationship. Put your eggs in other baskets, so to speak. You can still stay close with her, but you can also attempt to find other interests. I suggest this because it's possible that she wants to keep you around because she needs someone she can go to that she can rely upon.

 

If people want to be together they will. Her saying she's not ready is just a cop out since she's been broken up with her ex for at least a month. So she apparently doesn't like him else they'd be together. He could keep following her like a dog and wait to meet her new boyfriend, or leave her alone with the dignity he has left.

 

To me it sounds like she is just using you for emotional support because she is scared to be alone. She probably wants something to take her mind off of her ex. Yeah girls need time to heal, but from the sounds of it she isn't 100% in to you, do you really want a relationship knowing that? The fact that she told you she doesn't know if she will end up back in a relationship with her ex should turn you away. And as for her not wanting you to meet her family? Probably because she doesn't want her family to think you are her boyfriend, which probably means she doesn't ever see you as her boyfriend. Thats just my opinion though, good luck

 

Seems like she needs someone to be there for her. She will lean on you and you need to be supportive but be careful you don't get put into the friend zone