D & K

I normally wouldn't post something like this online mostly because I hate complaining.

However, I'll start from the summer of 2014. The two people involved in this are D (boy) and K (girl). I was best friends with D for over 4 years, and everything was fine up until he established the fact that he has feelings for K. It was fine, but then he kept going on about he loves her. It split up our 4-person group (it was D, K, B (another girl), and myself). There was a lot of tension (this was the beginning of summer, so let's say the first-second week of June) and B & I got pretty close just by being upset about D & K acting how they were. Us three girls were best friends, and D was my best friend. All of a sudden, D is telling me that he and K have always been closer when K, B, and I all know for a fact that's bullshit. I remember one point in those two early weeks of summer, D & K were at K's house and B & I were at mine and we weren't talking to each other and then finally, B & I drove over to K's house and we just sat there and then K was asking what the big deal was. Eventually, K cut off the possible relationship because of a bad experience at a party with D (K was drunk and D basically took advantage, even though they didn't have sex) and she said there's no way she can see him in that way ever again. D & I stopped talking regularly when he stopped hanging out with us so much due to that incident, and K started living with me (she lived with me all summer basically and still has been until very recent). K & I got extremely close, I love her more than anything in the world. What's upsetting me is that when I didn't go to school today, D texts me "I needed you today" and K sends me a SnapChat of them together that was captioned "So I'm dating D now." For the past week and a half or so, D & K have been hanging out a lot. K said she hasn't been over to my house because my dad was home (he was home for like 5 days so I can understand why she wouldn't want to interrupt my time with him). On Halloween, the first time all week, K finally texted me, "Wanna hang out?" I couldn't, I went to Halloween Horror Nights with my dad. She hasn't asked me to hang out since. I went to her first class on Tuesday to say hey (because I can easily skip my first class without getting caught/in trouble). I assumed if I went to go see her, she'd want to do something after school. Nope, she hung out with D again. And now they're dating. I want to be happy for them, K really deserves some happiness again because she's been through some major shit. But I've already felt replaced before by him, because she always says we're both her best friends but then she'll tell me in private that I'm her best friend but that he's different because a boy but she can't be unfair to him (which is fine, I completely understand). But he was my best friend for 4 years and I've lost him. And now I feel like I'm going to lose her too. They have fun without me already, and if they get serious in this relationship, they can easily not realise they're not hanging out with me as much anymore.

It may all sound really stupid because it's high school drama, but these are the people I still want to know in 5 years.

I just really needed to put this out there. Normally I talk about my personal things to R, but he's sleeping right now. And I can't really go to K about it, because I'm afraid that I'll upset her. She's gonna want me to be okay with it, and I definitely want to be okay with it, but I can't see that happening anytime soon.

I don't know exactly what I'm hoping for in response to this from any of you who take the time to read this, but have at it.



UPDATE: D & K have broken up.

 

Wow that was really long and complex... First of all trying to follow letters instead of (even anonymous) names is much more difficult.

Let me see if I can summarize this adequately:

There are 3 girls and a guy that are best friends. The guy had a thing for your "best friend" whom sort of really wasn't interested - she got drunk and sort of had an overnight fling (less sex) with him, she regretted it but sort of enjoyed it as well. After that, you started hanging out with the girl and believed you were really close with her. You missed a day of school and your guy friend and girl friend are now dating which upsets you because you are afraid that it will 1. Ruin your friendships 2. Split your group of friends up. 3. It makes you feel rejected/alone.

Is that about right? I just want to make sure that this is clear before I actually make any recommendations.

 

Go to her, regardless if you upset her or not. If she's really your best friend and you guys even lived together, she should understand where you're coming from. Just lie and say that you accept the fact that her and him are dating, but you'd really not like to lose her as a friend and would appreciate it if she could make time for you, as well as him. What happened to B? You kind of cut her out of the story. Maybe ask her for advice on the situation and see how she feels about it.

 

sadly, you have to let people be happy. but you can tell her how you feel, that won't hurt

 

Times like this are bad for all of us and its painful but only time will tell, time is the issue here and it normally resolves it in the end ( feelings go away you get okay with it ) even though its not very fun, i personally lost most of my friends because they moved to different places around the world 5 friends that ive been hanging with for nearly 15 years gone like that

 

Having 2 of ur best friends date will definitely cuz a situation where they hang out with u less because 2 ppl dating will definitely mean that they will end up spending more time together alone. I think ultimately u must understand that but more importantly tell both D and K how u feel because they are ur best friends and if they are they will definitely understand how u feel and try their very best to make things better because im sure they will not want to lose u as a great friend

 

Is this what your trying to say? Because I was confused the whole time reading. These D and K and other letters are making it hard.

 

Sorry it took me so long to come back to this thread, I haven't been wanting to deal with it at all. I even skipped two days of school trying to avoid them. K came over Wednesday (one of the days I skipped), I went to school Thursday because she spent the night (she showed up at like 11pm because she thought I was gonna hurt myself or something), and I skipped Friday also because when I hung out with the two of them Thursday after school, it felt really shitty.

Sorry for it being hard to follow, wasn't thinking that it'd turn out that way for readers.

Well, B is out of the picture and no longer a friend of any of us. K goes back and forth about D. She would always talk about how there's no way she's date him, but that he's her best friend too, but then that he isn't, etc. etc. I guess 1, 2, & 3 are pretty accurate, yeah.

K came over the same night I was texting both her and D. I guess she thought I was going to harm myself from the way I was texting (Idk, she just knows I've had a hard time in the past so she's always worried), but like I said, B is out of the picture. She says she needs me to know that she can't lose me. And D said he wants me to be his best friend again, but he doesn't know how to repair what he broke. As I did talk to K about it, I guess things are a little bit better but I still feel exactly the same (left out and rejected and not welcome). I know they are gonna have a closer relationship eventually, it's bound to happen. K said she isn't gonna let that happen blah blah blah but then what's the point of her even dating D if she isn't expecting to go farther with him? "Sisters before misters" is her point I guess, but still. I hung out with the both of them on Thursday after school and they were having conversations about shit I had no idea about so I was just kinda sitting there silently.

She knows exactly how I feel, I talked to her that same night. She drove to my house too. When I said that she's gonna want me to be happy for her but that I can't, she said she doesn't need me to be happy for her or like it. So she's being really nice about it right now. But eventually, if/when they get serious, it isn't gonna be enough that I don't like the relationship.

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Normally K is over all the time, every day (sometimes she'll go home to see her mom but nonetheless, she's at my house the majority of the time). She's been here one time in almost 2 weeks. This is exactly what I'm worried about. Normally it's just an unspoken thing that she can come over whenever without calling/texting and just walk in the front door. I would ask her to hang out but she's always with D (I see pics on Instagram and Snapchat) so I never ask because I don't want to be an inconvenience or interrupt their having fun.

 

Unfortunately, it looks like you are caught between a rock and a hard place. Personally, I have found that living on these "social" websites - people are actually more miserable than they really believe they are: You get to see what everyone else is doing, what you are being included on, and what you are being excluded from.

They might be your friends but they are are not acting like your best friends anymore. If they were, they would absolutely consider what you have to say and continue to include you in as much as they possibly could... However in the same aspect, it almost seems as though you are jealous of the time they are suddenly spending together - You're upset that there used to be a square of friends, which has now turned you into a third wheel peering in from the rainy outside.

I am aware that you wish to know these people in 5 years: however, if how you have explained this is truly how these two are making you feel, it may be best for you to move on and really focus on yourself. I know you are reserved about finding new people to make friends with, but if you are closing in on college - focus on yourself instead. Progress from within and finding new people to encompass yourself in makes your friends recognize what they are losing. But don't do it to hurt them... Do it to better yourself. That is the best advice I can give you.