My Job

Hello all, here is a bit of an introduction on me, to give you some idea of my situation.

I am a 20 year old male from the UK, after spending 4 years at college studying IT, my family ran into some money issues (i live with my mother, she is a single parent) and i had to get a full time job as soon as i can, i dropped out of college 3 weeks before i was due to pass, and i was thinking about going to university.

It didn't take long to find a new job as my uncle had an opening at the business which he works, which is basically manual labour, 9 hours a day 5 days a week. I took the job because i knew my mum needed money, and after bringing me up on her own i didn't want her to get into any form of debt or not be able to pay the bills, so i took the job and after a week, i knew the job wasn't right for me.

But here i still am, 6 months later doing the same job which i hate every day, to keep my family stable, is my mother being selfish? or am i being selfish? I could quite happily quit my job tomorrow and look for something new, although i know that the money i could be earning could be put towards the bills.

I want to work in IT, or perhaps even go to University where i can get a degree and do better for myself, i've spoke to her about this, but she says i should be grateful that i have a job at all, let alone one i like, but it is driving me insane, and i'm slowly becoming depressed, and even in debt myself.

Am i being selfish?

Please, regardless of your opinion please post, as i am in dire need of help, thank you.

 

Well, first off, that's very commendable that you dropped out of school where you were going for something you're passionate about to help out your family, so kudos to you.

Now I don't think you're being selfish at all. Does she not work? Is she spending your money on luxuries or dire necessities such as food, heat, and water?

If she doesn't work and is buying luxuries and is still guilting you into staying at your current job, I'd say she's being selfish.

If she does work and contributes her fair share, I don't think she is, but neither are you.

Have you thought about taking night class or online classes? Might be more attuned to your situation. Also, have you exhausted all other possibilities? (Can your mom re-mortgage your house, take out loans, etc. just until you can finish college and get your degree to get a better paying job that you actually like?)

Good luck with this bro. In the end, I think you need to do what'll make you happy.

 

First off thanks for the reply bro! And yeah she does work so she does contribute to the cause also. And i haven't spoken to her about taking loans or anything, i don't know how she'd take it, as she's rather stubborn, and she could easily kick me out of the house, which she has threatened to do many times, so i'm trying to keep her happy as possible at the moment, i haven't looked into night classes, although i think i might.

Thanks man, i appreciate you support.

 

Not a problem man. If you need to talk or anything don't hesitate to PM me or ask for my Skype.

Even though she's stubborn, you may need to lay it out for her. She might not be the happiest camper about it, but she'll get over it fast, whereas you're struggling day by day to just be happy. You just gotta bite the bullet and do what's best for you.

 

So basically, do what i want to do?

I know it probably sounds easy to do this, but i don't wanna piss anyone off, especially her, and i know she'll take it so bad.

 

Oh no I never said it'd be easy. I think you need to exhaust all options (Ie; re-mortgage, taking out loans, etc.) so you're able to go get your degree and come back to a job you like that pays more, and probably gives better benefits tbh.

It's gonna be a rough time with your mom up until you get a new job, but in the end it'll be worth it.

 

do what you think is best for yourself and dont give up

 

First of all ur a great son for doing such a thing and its very commendable. As for ur situation I would say do what is the most important currently. My question would be without your job does that mean your family cannot access the basic necessities? If you cant, I would say that keeping your job for the moment would be the most important. However are there any other options like the above user mentioned taking night classes to further ur education while providing income for the family. This actually would be the best thing to do as not only can u further your studies, but once u graduate u can work in something ur passionate about and earn an income at the same time. Anyhow I wish you all the best man, they say great things happen to good people and I really hope it all works out

 

Speaks high about your character when you're doing something you hate to provide for the ones you love.

You're not selfish at all for wanting to go to University or find a new job. That's normal and shouldn't be looked down upon.

First, I'd sit down with your mom and explain to her how you feel. Parents are very wise and can help you make ver hard decisions. She may support you and tell you to go and take advantage of your youth and get a degree. You'll be able to make more money later on and will be able to further support her if needed.

Also, finding a new job might not be a bad decision. Search around for jobs that entice you and then put your 2 weeks in once you've found one. Cause you don't wanna leave and then not have a back up plan. You always want to have a back up plan.

Good luck man and I hope it all goes well for you!

 

As long as she isn't buying things that don't contribute to the household (i.e jewelry, clothes that are unnecessary) then you should stay at your job. I wouldn't call you selfish because I know that must suck to do something you don't want to, but your mother raised you for so many years (I'm assuming so) so the least you can do is help her out for this hopefully short amount of time.

 

This is a personal belief but in my opinion, a mother can never be selfish. You owe your life to her and whatever she does is for your own good. I personally don't think it was a good idea to drop out when you were 3 weeks from passing, that makes no logical sense. You should have just continued and endured for 3 weeks and get an actual job. A part time job could have definitely sustained you for a month. It was a bad decision on your part and you are paying the consequences. Think things through next time before blaming your mother.

 

Most of us end up in dead end jobs we hate when we have to be. As much as I wanna say do what you want and dont get stuck in a shitty job.. doesn't seem like you're in the position for that if you wanna keep everyone happy.

Try to plan your guys' spending as much as possible and you could save a lot of money that you didn't realise you could. All it takes is a bit of research and shopping around to save a lot more money than you'd think. Cut off any services you don't need; extra TV bundles etc, the obvious.

 

In my opinion you should keep your actual job. Try and make some extra cash in your free time. Try to save money weekely/monthly. You can allways look for a better job, and f one pops out you can take it. You should'nt think you waste your time now. Youre bulding experience for further jobs.You can finish school later.
I think it was a bad decision to drop school, but you can't change that now.
I understand its a shitty job, but that job puts food on your table. In the future this job experience can help you.
If you get depressed, take some time for yourself in your free time. Be gratefull for what you have. Find a goal to achive. Wotk hard for that.
And stay clean... don't get addicted to anything...

 

it's an unfair world we live in. it's a hard choice too. maybe try to get money in other means while working at this one. maybe something online? goodluck tho

 

Quitting school with 3 weeks left to go seems kind of wasteful, don't you think? Was it that imperative that you get a job immediately?

I probably would have finished up school. Gives you the opportunity to land a better job and help your family out more if that's what you want to do.

 

any updates Vickers?

 

This is a really hard decision.I think you should still work at your uncle's company or some stuff, cause you and your mom all need money, i know you want to do the job you desire, but sometimes life is hard, so maybe after a while, when things get better, you can chase your dreams. Just my opinion, don't be depressed, I hope you be alright soon.

 

Maybe I am mistaken but you said you were in a 4 year program and were 3 weeks away from graduating? Dude finish that up. Especially if that program was exactly what you want to be doing for a living... Your family can survive for 3 weeks. Make a sacrifice if you have to.

 

Exactly, she's trying to provide for the household just as much as you.

 

It was very noble of you to give up college for the sake of your mother, god knows I wouldn't leave university to get a job just now!

In terms of selfishness, I do feel maybe you should sit down with your mum and discuss how you feel in greater detail. for you to put a university dream aside to help her is something not many people (me included) would do. She should be incredibly grateful firstly, and secondly she should be looking out for your future as well. I would personally sit down and work out a plan of how much debt your family is in, and how long you would need to work to help an appropriate amount before getting back on track with college and university.

good luck.