Girlfriend lied about taking birthcontrol, now shes pregnant!

Hey guys, so about 5 weeks ago my girlfriend decided to start taking birth control as it was a mutual decision. I am 20 and she is 27. A few weeks ago I found out that she actually was throwing away the pills in hopes of getting pregnant. When I found out I was shocked. We went to see a doctor and it was confirmed she is 5 weeks pregnant.

I am still a uni and money is not a problem for her. I feel betrayed that she lied to me and what's worst is she does not want to have an abortion no matter how much I beg. This was all part of her plan to entrap me.

Right now i'm unsure if I should break up with her because she lied to me and trapped me in this situation and in hopes of her changing her mind and get the abortion. Please help.

 

I wouldn't say break up with her, she'll need you now more than ever. You shouldn't feel trapped though, if you guys ever break up you will still have a child together and a responsibility to take care of the child. Just because you have a child together doesn't mean you have to stay with the person forever, sometimes relationships just don't work out even if there is a child involved.

 

Abortion should be a discussion between you two, but you shouldn't force it on her or pressure her about it. If you don't want a child, but she does, you're gonna have to either be a dad or pay child support. There's no running from it if she decides to keep the baby. If you're sure that she purposely trapped you into this, then I'd say you'd be better off distancing yourself emotionally from her. Still be around physically, be there during the pregnancy. Don't be that guy. A child is a big responsibility, and no one knows what they're doing the first time around, but you'll learn along the way. See how it goes: go to classes with her, read pregnancy books; prepare yourself. You don't have to be with her, but you should be there for her and the baby. You didn't want it, but it happened. So now you should see it through.

Even if she didn't intentionally get pregnant, but she got pregnant anyway, you'd still have the same reaction and the same options.

I wish you the best of luck!

 

You should feel betrayed, she lied to you saying that she is taking birth control and was just throwing it away. I would probably break up with her or convince her to abort the baby (I'm not a fan of abortion, but it's not fair to you). You also have to think, do you like her? Do you want to have a baby and start a family? Will she be a good mother?

 

Thanks for the responses so far guys.

Money is not an issue since she has a very well paying job. I am only 21 and in my final year at uni. I haven't even started my career yet. I just can't stop thinking about the fact that she lied to me about this. She's a chronic liar. She follows the principle "Its easier to get forgiveness rather than to get permission". I honestly don't know what to do. I want to make it far in life, I don't think that a baby would be the best idea right now.She doesn't care about my feelings or thoughts. She's stubborn and never listens. It makes me feel like as a husband i'd have to be eventually I would be powerless.

 

I will never suggest an abortion because its taking away someone's life and im definitely not for that. However I understand the situation ur in where the child came as a shock and will need great attention especially in this case where u were lied to and its not ur fault. I suggest that u try and make this family work, for the sake of the baby. U will never know and ur child could be the best thing that ever happened to u

 

She purposely entrapped you. This is not someone you want to spend the rest of your life with. You will just have to make the best out of the situation (the pregnancy).

 

Find legal assistance. this is not someone you want to spend the rest of your life with and she intentionally lied to you - I don't even think you should be paying child support in these kinds of cases.

 

I agree, she did entrap me. My main concern is how can I live the rest of my life with someone who I cant trust. I've been in relationships in the past where I couldnt trust the other person, and it wasnt too fruitful. I am also unsure how to tell my parent's (or even if I should). She has a house and a good job, and everything would be in place for the baby, but it just hurts to know i'm in this situation and I dont have a choice. It feels like my future is gone as well as my career. Everyone is saying I should make the best of the situation, but thats a hard thing to do when you're about to graduate and start your career.

Edit: She did not do this for the money from child support as she has a 6 figure income, she did it because she genuinely wanted a baby. This just leads you to question, does she really care about me, or is it just the baby?

 

She might of felt like her life was getting closer to a end. Usually its hard for older woman to find life time partners. Maybe she had the baby to trap you with her?
Either way I don't think you can avoid it. Think about that child's future, support it, then move on with yours.

 

This happened to a buddy of mine.

I advise you to stay with her because this will be a very tough time. I would, however, be a little sketched out of the entrapping part. Might want to make things very clear with her that she can't be doing that/lying to you again.

 

What were her incentives to do so? Do you come from an affluent family or something? Otherwise I don't understand why an older woman would want someone in college to be the father of her child. There's always the possibility that it's someone else's (not jumping to conclusions here). Furthermore, best I'd suggest is an abortion. I was in a similar position this summer but the girl ended up getting an abortion.

 

Do you have proof that she admitted to lying to you about taking birth control?
(Facebook messages, text ect) As the father you are screwed in this situation because technically its her body her decision. I would highly recommend talking to a lawyer and showing him all information of her admittedly lying to you, because this might be something you have a case in. If you don't have that logged proof, then your fucked because birth control is not 100% effective.

 

Do you have proof that she admitted to lying to you about taking birth control?
(Facebook messages, text ect) As the father you are screwed in this situation because technically its her body her decision. I would highly recommend talking to a lawyer and showing him all information of her admittedly lying to you, because this might be something you have a case in. If you don't have that logged proof, then your fucked because birth control is not 100% effective.

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Whether or not he has a case, it'll still go to trial and by that time it's well and truly too late for the lady to get an abortion, hell she'd have probably had the kid. There isn't anything you can do in legal terms, other than to convince her to get rid of the baby.. Play her own games with her...

 

Eh, it takes two and you didn't take care of your own contraception so now you have to live with it. Man up, take responsibility and be the best dad you can be.

Whether you work through your trust issues and be together or you can't get over the lies and you aren't.. is irrelevant because the child is the first priority.

 

I'm not talking in that regards, Its her body her choice as far as the law is concerned. Nobody can force a woman to have an abortion.

He may not be responsible for the child if the means of the child being born was misled to him, by the mother.

But i'm not a lawyer, I'm directing him to talk to one.
Also if you think your not ready to be a father you still will have to carry the financial burden, you can ask to give up your parental rights and all it will be is a bill for the next 18 years.

 

Try your best to get along with her as she now has the ability to make your life a living hell, so if you're nice it might at least inspire some mercy. Best of luck.

 

It's his responsibility to wrap it up. Don't wrap it, you get a kid. Common sense.

 

Wow!

Because condoms are 100% effective and don't break at all right?!
Why does Birth Control even exist then? I guess everyone should just use condoms thanks Roary!

 

...Nothing is 100% effective. Both parties should be responsible for being as protected as possible (i.e. birth control on the female's part AND a condom on the male's part) if they don't want to have a kid. You can't just neglect your own responsibilities and expect the other party's to be enough. It takes two. You can't blame it on her if you weren't protected as well. That's hypocrisy.