Girl Help

Okay so this is kind of a different one guys, I suppose I'll just get right into it.

I knew this girl, I'll call us more than friends less than a girlfriend. Anyway, we knew each other for a bit and she moved to another country, and for some odd reason that is when things started to get a bit more serious between us (of course...). Anyway, we talked almost every minute of every day for over two years and although I knew she never could really be my girlfriend or anything (distance and her severe commitment issues) I would definitely say I fell in love with her. We spent every moment on msn, skype, sending emails, texting each other etc. My feelings for this girl grew quite a bit over these two years.

A few months ago we started arguing and it got pretty bad (both of our faults, although she would say it was all me) and we would go a few days without talking. I won't go into details but we fought about everything during this time (things she was doing, things I was doing, etc). One day she decided she was going to draw a line in the sand and cut me out of the picture and didn't come online even once. For like a month straight I tried calling her, sending her emails, kik, msn, skype, etc anything I could think of where I might reach her trying to apologize and make things better. Recently she sent me an email that was basically "we cant be anything to each other ever, I don't care or think about you anymore, you aren't my responsibility, don't contact me, I will never change my mind, respect my wishes and never contact me again."

I've given up trying now but as you can imagine I'm pretty fucking upset, more upset than I can convey in a thread. To have someone that I cared for, loved, and talked to intimately for ten hours a day or more to cut contact with me completely. There doesn't seem like anything I can do short of showing up at her doorstep in another country and I don't care to spend thousands of dollars and looking like a lunatic to hear the same thing in person.

Since then, I've tried a lot of things. I've tried going out and doing stuff, not thinking about it anymore, and I've even had a girlfriend.

I don't love this girl anymore or anything, at least in the same way (because she would be willing to do this to me) but it does really get to me that I'll never see or hear from her again no matter what and there is nothing I can do to change her heart.

But guys has anyone had any similar experience? How the fuck do I get over this? I know people suffer a lot more than a two year long distance relationship ending but I feel so upset about how things ended.

 

It can be fucking horrible and make you feel like total shit, I know. But like anything, you wont forget it and it'll cut deep, but eventually you'll move on and accept it.

There isn't a way to deal with these things; except to give it time to get better. My life has been a recurring nightmare of people leaving my life, but you just have to knuckle down.

 

I appreciate you posting Roary, I guess that's a good way to look at it. I don't think I can ever forget, time will take the edge off but it'll never be okay lol.

 

Yes it feels that way now you've lost someone you truly cared about but I've had many cherished people either pass away or leave my life and eventually time does heal the wounds. If you need anyone to talk to I'm always available on skype for these sorts of things.

 

Make the best of what you have while you have it; these things were made to try us. It just sucks that one bad/upsetting thing can outweigh 100 good times emotionally.

 

This is actually a great point. Life offers a large number of little things that if we don't cherish we'll find ourselves disappointed by the negative things in life since they seem to carry more weight :/

 

Yeah, unfortunately because of the amount of time we spent together this girl was literally 80/100 of the good times I had emotionally, if that makes sense lol.

I'm definitely guilty of putting her on a pedestal too.. When I seriously examine what actually happened it doesn't feel so bad but then I remember I'll never see her again and bust up lol.

I didn't mention that she 'cheated' towards the end when things got really bad, although it isn't really fair to call it that when she wasn't 'really' a girlfriend. That's the most sobering part of it, it makes it hurt a loss less because it makes me realize that what we had wasn't as perfect as I thought it was at the time.

 

I sent her a long as fuck tl;dr email, I'm not sure why I torture myself like this. She won't change her mind. So hard to get over this though, I loved her

 

I believe that deep down you cannot let her go. Honestly you have to either find a hobby that you can instantly go to anytime a thought about her creeps into your mind.

I had a similar experience to this 3-4 years ago, but in my situation I kept falling back to her, each time she would apologize after 3-4 months and say she wants to get back together I would foolishly say yes. We were old friends from elementary and she found me over facebook, we'd talk all day and all night, she was the one who had asked to be my girlfriend. It was lovey dovey from there, I fell so hard. But after a month she would just say "Can we just stay friends?" and I wouldn't know why. I kept beating myself up over it even though I knew she was leaving me for someone that she found IRL, as in that was physically near her.

Letting go is the hardest thing for humans, we're optimists, we get up the next day thinking its going to be better than the next. I think this is why you're still contacting her and thinking about her, hoping that it will change one day. Maybe it will but you're going to have to see that if she doesn't consider your feelings at all then its clear you should forget about her. Try to focus on all the negativity shes brought you, try to flush out the love you feel for her with hatred. It will stop the pain I promise. Its not the best option, heck its not even a rational option but it will stop the pain long enough for you to think about your life from a different perspective, it'll help you move foward instead of being stopped in progression just thinking about her.

 

I appreciate your response. I've let her go romantically but I still miss the closeness that we had. I suppose that's what hurts the most, being so hopeful about the situation. No matter what she tells me I still try to have faith in her and hope that she will have a change of heart, I'd wait forever if there was a chance things could change. But she's basically told me that this is permanent, and she doesn't even want to think about me anymore. No matter how badly I want it, what kind of appeal I use, or how much I beg it isn't going to help.

I never want to hate her, but I do need to start attempting to move on eventually. I just can't seem to fucking wrap my head around the fact that the girl who was so loving and intimate and cute around me would act like this towards me. I guess I really fucked up by pushing her past her limit while we were arguing :/ I guess its a hard lesson.

 

keep doing things to take your mind off things, go out with your friends, go date others, your probably thinking all this mentally and then give it time you'll be laughing at how stupid you thought you may have been, they most likely will be a reason for pushing you away, but as long as you know its her loss not yours you'll be fine

 

Me and my ex girlfriend of 5 years broke up in august. It was somewhat mutual at the time as we were both unhappy at the end of it, but we started to kind of work on the relationship for a few months after breaking up. When i thought things were getting better between us, I suddenly find out she was dating someone else. I cant explain how upset I was but I can assure you I was devistated. I felt that way for close to 3 months. It has been around 5 months now, and honestly I am a very happy guy. It will take a while bro, but one day you will wake up and something inside you changes. You dont have that sadness anymore, just hopefullness of what is to come next in life.

 

Eventually you'll lose interest in her and new people will start to come in your life taking the place that she once had in your life, trust me it'll pass.

 

I know the feeling you're talking about, about having a relationship with someone and then never seeing them again or talking to them. It's a hard feeling to get over but it will heal over time. I guess an example would be one of my friends who was head over heels for this stupid chick, he completely cut off all his friends and family because of what she said to him. They were going to get married. I remember I went golfing with him one time and he was on his phone the entire time talking to her, and by the 9th hole he just said we should leave. He was so obsessed with getting her what she wanted and being with her he couldn't do anything else. Eventually something happened I won't go into detail but he finally left her, everyone else could see she was a piece of trash except him. Fast forward a little while and all the feeling he had toward her were the complete opposite and he couldn't care less about her. He finally saw her for the piece of shit she was. There's chemicals in your brain that when you fall in love with someone, they can do anything and you will still love them. It takes awhile for that to go away and you can think clearly. IDK if the girl you were involved with was nice or not, but in my opinion anybody who sends that kind of text to you after being friends for so long isn't a friend at all. Just take it day by day and eventually that feeling will go away, I know what it's like I've been there.

 

honestly dude take a break from the internet, gotta be hard to not think about her and contact her when shit's just a click away

im talking like a whole month break, only using the internet if you absolutely have to.

 

I think it's generally harder for girls to commit to a long-distance relationship than a guy, because they crave the affection and attention more-so than a guy. I had a friend who went to the Army, and his girl of 2-3 years cheated on him within just a few weeks of him leaving for boot camp.

The email she sent really gave me the vibe that she's just wanting attention. She should had called you like a woman is suppose to and tell you why she doesn't think it's going to work out, or she could had just came off a bit nicer about it and say something along the lines, 'Hey, hope you're doing okay and this doesn't ruin your day, but due to the long distance and what not, I just don't think this is going to work out. I would love to still keep in contact every once in awhile if you'd like, but that's up to you.'

That being said, long-distance relationships usually don't work out and it would require two very committed and serious individuals who really want nothing more than each other. As for getting over it, there's really nothing else you can do except for getting out and enjoying yourself, realizing there's more to life, hanging out wit your friends, and of course time itself.

 

Just move on, you're probably better off trying to find someone else. Don't go to her country and show up at her door step, she doesn't care about you anymore and as much as that hurts all you can do is try to forget about her.

 

If it'd be that easy to move on, why would he make a thread. I totally understand that you're upset, I'd be too. Now this all seems very harsh from her point of view, maybe she just isn't allowed to contact you by anyone? I ofcourse don't know the situation and i don't have to. That's for you to judge.

Anyways i can't really give you any other advice then try to keep your mind off it, and keep your head up.