Parents Splitting Up

I never believed for one second I would ever post here with my own problem, until about 30 minutes ago my younger brother who is 16 called me.

In Decemeber, 2012, my little sister was diagnosed with type 1 diabeties on my Mum's birthday. Not the worst diagnosis for most people, but considering she was 10, her whole life was going to change.

When it came to my sister's diabeties, my parents had opposite views on how to deal with it. My Mum believed that she should be nurtured and completely wrapped in cotton wool, whereas my Dad thought she should learn to handle it herself so she could be more independent for the future. My parents had been happily married for 23 years, and because of what was going on with my sister, it was the first time I had started to see them argue. My Mum constantly stresses herself out over my sister, making her very edgy and sometimes emotional, and I think it annoyed my Dad as my Mum's number 1 priority was my sister. She could get away with lots of things that my Dad wouldn't have let her, and they just had very conflicting opinions.

Soon enough, they weren't sleeping in the same room. By this point it had always been at the back of my mind that it would be a downhill spiral from there. However my family (apart from me as I'm at University) went on holiday last week, things your normal family would do. If by this point I've lost you or confused or bored you then I'm sorry but this has suddenly hit me really, really hard and I'm just typing as I think.

Anyways my brother called me and he couldn't speak he was so teared up. It worked me up as I had no idea what it was about until he told me. I just broke down, in pieces. My whole life, going through school, I've looked at people whose parents had split or divorced, and always been so grateful that my family was so perfect. My close family was something I had NEVER taken for granted. Now, the one thing which I really though I was lucky with in life was gone, something I valued so much. So I'm sat here, by my phone, knowing my Mum or Dad are going to call me this evening and tell me.

I don't know what I want to say, I don't know what I should say, I don't know if I'll even be able to say anything. What's even worse is I'm stuck at University, and all I want to be right now is at home to be there for my little brother and sister, being the big brother I should be.


I just don't know what to feel, think, I just don't know. I had never pictured this day coming, and it's caught me off guard. I've been at University and haven't seen what's happened at home, so if it had been getting worse I haven't been able to prepare myself. On top of this my Dad's company has had a bad few months, my Nan has been diagnosed with cancer again, and my parents can't go on anymore. I know my sister thinks it's all her fault as well because of her diabeties, and she is distraught, and I just want to be there for her but can't.

I don't even know what advice I'm looking for or seeking. I just felt better writing/speaking it out, even pretending someone is listening.

Never in my life have I ever wanted the earth to just swallow me up as I do now. Just feels like everything is falling around me. I have no external family. Family on my Dads side basically disowned us when my Dad chose to marry my Mum.



I just don't know where to look to anymore.

 

Hey man, I know where you're coming from. My mom and dad originally split when I was four and she later remarried. When I was 15 my step-father and my mother divorced as well. Until then I had thought they would stay together forever and took me by quite the surprise. We had to move out of the house that I absolutely loved and out of the area that I had grown to know.

Ultimately even though I was unhappy at the time when we moved to my new town I got even CLOSER with my mother than I had before. I joined the volunteer fire department in my town and eventually that made me choose to train to become a full-time career firefighter.

My point is that even though things can be negative right now you and your family will be presented with new opportunities that could be for the better.

Stay strong, and do your best to stay in contact with your mother and father while in university. As much as you'd like to go home I fear that you going home would put even more stress on an already stressful situation for your family. Even though they may disagree on things I'm sure they both agree that they want you to continue and be successful with university.

If you ever need someone to vent to on Skype or anything add me man. I have a lot of experience with split ups and I can tell you all about them and we can just talk.

 

yeah I know where you're coming from too, within the last 2 years i'd dropped out of school for a year with extreme depression and anxiety(all sorted now and grades back up etc), my two grandparents that i was close to and living with me both died of the exact same kind of cancer(1/600 i believe) and i lost my grandma only 4 days ago. My parents also split up a year ago and honestly it wasn't that bad for me i still get to see my parents whenever i want and lots and lots of my friends parents split up too.

In my opinion it's not too much of a big deal and there's always going to be a cause for the split, personally i blame it on my dick head brothers anti social behaviour.

What i'm trying to say is unless you're being stopped from seeing one of your parents then you shouldn't be too worried, as you said you're at uni and your brother will be there in a few years too hopefully, and then after that you'll get your own place and settle down independently.

Keep your head up

 

Thanks Drento, really appreciate that.

I guess I've felt it even more as they say bad news always comes in big packages - one thing after the next, after the next. I've talked with all of my siblings on the phone now too, most importantly to my older brother as we both know we're the ones we are going to have to tie up the knots and make sure no one gets left out.

No matter what I, or any of my siblings think about whose fault it is, we don't want to blame either of them as it's both of their faults for not dealing with the situation like adults. I just don't want one of them to be alone of left out, just want them to be happy again, whatever that means.

And you're correct, they weren't even planning on telling me as they agreed they didn't want to distract me from my work, though I told them I'm still their son and just because I'm far away, I don't want to be left in the dark when it comes to my own family.

Thank you for the help and advise mate, I'll see how I get on in the next couple of days once the shock of it all goes away.

All the best,

I guess some of what you're saying is right too, and it's probably better having them live separate rather than constantly being in a hostile environment, as no kids should have to grow up in a house where parents can't even speak to each other and argue at every opportunity.

I share the same view with my siblings over the cause of the split, but we don't intend to take sides and am viewing it as both of their faults, 50/50. And the last thing that you said is true I guess too, my older brother said he would have moved out in a few months anyways as he couldn't deal with the atmosphere which was constantly in the house.

Thanks again mate.

 

I'm very sorry to hear this man, I'd really try and stay calm and talk to them each about it. They can possibly work something out, especially if they see how distraught everyone is. They can't be happy that they're splitting up, and there is something that can change that. I'd REALLY suggest talking to them each and telling them how you feel. I'm very sorry to hear that man, Let us know how you're doing. Take care man.

 

When playing videos games, you meet a lot of abstract individuals. Lots of people have been emotionally/physically hurt dwell these forums, I know a lot of people don't browse in this section, but I just decided to come in and take a peek.

You sound like you are very young, and with life comes pain. You may think that your problems are insignificant to others because others have it worse, but that's not true. In my opinion, if it's meant to be, it's meant to be. I know you didn't come here for pity, because when you are hurt/sad pity is the last thing you want from anyone. But, my empathy/sympathies go out to you and your family.

I know you said your Mom has been feeling a lot of stress lately, but you should really talk to your family about how you're feeling. Although that sounds selfish, it is YOUR family, and you are included. So you shouldn't hold back how you feel about it all. I hope you get a vacation or something of the sort to be able to leave University, and support your family in its time of need.

 

I'm 18, 19 in 2 months so I'm still very grateful I've had my entire upbringing with them together. And I feel bad putting something like this here as I'll still have them both in my life, I was talking to one of my closest friends about it as I didn't know where to turn to, and his Dad died. Makes my problems seem pretty inferior when you look at it that way.

And the house is always such a hostile environment. I want my Mum and Dad to be happy deep down, whatever that means. Currently the fact of the matter is they're not as things are going.

 

I'd say you have the right attitude then. Despite the negativity of your parents splitting things will calm down and ultimately they both should be happier seperated.

I always hope for the best with my mother and despite her numerous break ups I'm always there to support her. It was hell when the household was full of fighting/tension so I feel where you are right now.

If you could find a way to take pride in being supportive of your family you'll be fine. At the end of the day I'd say we all want for our families to be happy in one way or another.

Admitting that it bothers you is definitely a huge step.