Need to empty my head...

Alright well to start I'll start off by saying that I'm not really an emotional person so I can't talk about this kind of shit to my friends or family because then I'll be seen as weak, or a pussy. Anyway here goes.

I've liked this one girl for awhile. We started off as just friends, then I started to grow feelings for her. It seems to me and my friends that she has feelings back for me, but each time I talk to her about it she just denies me and says she just wants to be friends. When we hang out, she acts like she's my girlfriend in a sense. I just don't see why she would still want to be friends if i've asked her out three times and she said no, and I accidentally sent her a picture of my dick and she didn't seem to mind it. Most women would just stop talking to someone after denying them three times but not her, which also makes me think she has some feelings for me. Anyway, I'm starting to more than like her, I'm basically falling in love with her, which is why I'm trying to distance myself from her and try to get rid of those feelings and stop hanging out with her.

So to do this, I decided that I will try and hook her up with some friends whom she has never met. Two nights ago I had my buddy Jimmy pick her and I up and we went to the mall and went out and got chinese. I didn't really talk to her much and when they started talking I walked away and gave them space. This made me feel like shit but I felt as if it was necessary. After eating and the mall we went back to his apartment and hung out. They smoked weed, but since I don't smoke, I just got some schnapps and beer and started drinking. She didn't drink at all, and he had a few shots but he was driving so I didn't let him drink too much. He of course didn't make a move on her all night and pussied out, so my plan fell apart.

I started off pacing myself and drinking responsibly, then we left and went to my other friend's house where they were drinking as well. How there were 5 of us, 3 of us were drinking. Then they all dared me to chug my schnappz, which is 90 proof, and after chugging... I ended up blacking out. I am pretty sure I got alcohol poisoning that night but I stayed strong and didn't pass out or fall down at all amazingly. I threw up about 15 times that night and don't remember much of the night after chugging except a few spots here and there. Anyway, long story short, apparently I started calling her a bitch because she wanted us to drop her off at her other friend's house, who is a male and his room mates do heroin and she has done it with them but she wants to quit. I get pissed when she wants to hang out with them because I care for her and want her to stop doing heroin.

They said I called her a bitch a shitload of times and apparently she was trying to talk to me about something (she won't tell me what) and I was just being an ass and told her to shut the fuck up and kept calling her a bitch. I was already mad that night about some family problems that came afloat, otherwise I wouldn't have acted like that.

The following morning when I found out I did that, I apologized to her of course and she just replies with "k" and other small replies every time I try to talk to her. So basically she's pissed at me and I have no clue what to say next, it seems like whatever I do, it's wrong.

We also had plans to go to a rave on the 1st of march, which I had already bought tickets for, but if she's going to act like this I don't even want to go. They were 40 bucks each, and my friend Jimmy who we hung out with bought a ticket as well. I might just tell them to go without me but idk.

Basically the sum of it all, trying to hook her up with my friend isn't going as well as I planned. And I'm on the verge of having a mental breakdown over this shit. I'm about to go in the Marine Corps and I'm probably the nicest guy you'll ever meet, but I don't want to enlist and move away without knowing 100% that her and I will ever be together. I've heard of friend zoned guys getting out of it before, so ya never know.

If I think of anything else I'll edit it in as soon as the thread is accepted. Thanks and any advice is appreciated.

 

Hey man, it's not weak to be confused or have problems. Don't bottle it up, honestly that's worse for you than talking about it by far.

First: You ask her. You say, why are you afraid/wary of being with me? Talk, don't get mad, and sort it out or try to change what's putting her off, perhaps.

Second: Sorry but trying to get her to hook up with your friend is a dumb idea. If you like her why would you want that? Hell naw.

Third: I'm in no way judging her character, but I'd advise not being in a relationship with someone who's heavily addicted to heroin. Be there for her, try and make her see sense and find her help to get off of it, maybe, but I wouldn't make it serious at the point she's at. No offence to anyone, but it will be a headache one after another.

Fourth: Chillax. Focus on your career because I promise you if this doesn't work out that there's plenty more fish in the sea.

 

Well that basically summed up my ideas. Thank you Roary, and best of luck pal. If things don't work out, onto the next one.

 

This is my thread, wasn't able to post on my account for some reason so had to post from unregistered.
Anyway, thanks for the replies so far.

I tried hooking her up with Jimmy because in my mind I figured that if she was with someone else I'd be able to get over her, but now that I have the image of her and Jimmy dating, I can see that's a bad idea and I hope that nothing happens between them.

As for the heroin, she's not heavily addicted, she only does it on the weekends when she goes over there but this past weekend she was with me so she didn't do it and I asked her to stop and she said she would.

I know there are more fish in the sea, but if there is even the slightest chance we can be together, I've got to take it, you never know she may turn out to be what they call my "soul mate" haha, gotta take every chance you can in life.

I talked to her for a bit yesterday and asked her if she was feeling better, she said "yeah" then I asked her if she finally went to school today after missing a whole week, she said "yeah" And normally when women give choppy replies they're still pissed so I said "Can you please talk to me and tell me what's on your mind? You're clearly still mad at me even though I apologized twice." She said "I'm realllllllllly not" but idk I sense bullshit, anyway we talked for a little bit longer, nothing really important. I asked her if she wants to hang out friday since my car is getting fixed and I wanna get out of the house, she said sure as long as she doesn't go to her friend Gabby's house, she has to figure out what she's doing first.

I didn't necessarily ask her out for Valentine's day, but that's basically what i'm doing in a surreptitious way. I planned on maybe taking her to olive garden and while we eat try to get my feelings out there if I have the balls to, then the movies, and then go back to her place and make a dessert with her, (on facebook she always messages me recipes for desserts she wants us to make.) And then at the end of the night ask her if she wants a massage (considering everything goes well.) The reason for the massage is because a few times ago when we hung out she asked me for one and I told her no, my reasoning was because I didn't want to make things weird, but I just told her that I suck at giving them when I'm actually quite good lol.

Thanks again for the replies.

PS: Roary when you get a chance can you see why I can't make threads in this section? Thanks.

 

Glad to hear it buddy, I hope it works out.

Um, PM me the screen you get when you try to post one?

 

Forgot to say, the first time I told her I liked her was in the middle of an argument with her, and we were arguing about some shit and she said "why can't we just be friends?" This was back in August.

But before and after that instance, there were signals that I missed, but reading back on the messages and texts, now that I'm wiser I can see that they were signals that she liked me but I missed them. Plus she liked a guy at the time of this incident.

Anyway.... Is it possible for someone in my position to even stay friends with a girl he's in love with? I mean, in one sense, I want to stay friends because I care for her and I want to make sure she's taken care of and I want to help her through shit, but in another sense... I can't stay friends with her because if she hooks up with a guy or starts dating a guy, that will absolutely crush me I think and I'll probably snap.

So should I try to be friends with her still? Or should I stop hanging out with her? We were supposed to go to a rave on the 1st, I already have my tickets bought for me and her, but I don't even want to go.... but the tickets are non refundable.

Oh, and last night I asked her if she wanted to get snowed in together before the storm comes, she told me she was already going to her friend's and getting snowed in. I then said "ok" and messaged her 2 hours later when I was at the bar and said "well if your plans get ruined let me know." and she said "they just did, but now my other friend wants me to come over." So I said "oh ok" (just to act like I don't really care). So this seems that she'd rather hang out with other people and not me right now, so maybe I should give her some space and put some distance between us? We were supposed to hang out on Valentine's Day but with her acting like this lately, I think she still might be mad at me for the other night when I blacked out.

 

I mean, I don't think you should stop being friends, and yes it will hurt to see her move on if she does but I think at this point you're just overthinking it. She seems like she wants some space maybe and that she'll come around eventually. See how it goes and play it from there.

 

To be honest, you're a weaker person if you don't know how to channel your emotions properly. I especially have trouble when something is bothering me and I just flip out on my mom/grandma. However, I know I can always talk to my friends about anything I'm going through

As for what happened, personally, I'd probably say I was really sorry for what I did and you wish you could take it back, and move on. If she wants to be friends again, make her come back. If she's a friend, she should be able to forgive you. Also, I would never ask a girl out a second time after being denied once, it comes off as clingy and most girls don't like that. So, just take a few steps back and let it ride out.

As for the Marines, follow your dreams man. Don't let this petty shit stop you. Don't forget it all happened, but don't dwell on it either. Accept that you fucked up and move on; we're human. You'll find plenty of other girls in your life, and you'll fuck up a few more times as well.

Anyways, best of luck man. It was a good story, b/c I can definitely relate to instances like this. In fact, I'm thinking of one as I type this. Also, if she's strung out on heroin, it's best you really distance yourself for that matter alone. I was addicted to heroin for 3 years, and it's one hell of a drug.

 

Thanks for the reply. We've been talking a bit more lately, here's a little bit of our convo today. I decided to just be friends with her so I figured I'd ask her for some friendly advice from a girl's perspective, but I think she thinks I was talking about her. What do you guys think, do you think she thinks I was talking about her in this situation? lol. Idk maybe you just have to know her to understand how she talks but it seemed so to me.

ME - so, I'm trying to get back with my ex, and when we hung out the other day I was kind of ignoring her because I didn't know if she still felt the same way, so she started flirting with my buddy Gino and she got emotional and went and sat out in my car, so I went to see what was wrong and she said "I like Gino a lot, he's so cute but I don't think he likes me." I was like "Idk do what you gotta do." and I walked back inside the bar. Then when we were leaving she could tell I was mad so she's trying to talk to me and hold my hand and shit and I kept pushing her hand away and tell her to screw off. Then on the way home she grabbed my hand again and said "Please stop acting like this." And so on. Then when it was just me and her we talked for a bit and she said she still had feelings for me and I said I did too. Then she was like "I miss what we had." and I laughed because most of what we had sucked. Then she got pissed off and was like "So I fucking meant nothing to you? I thought what we had was special." then I take her to my house and she was going to sleep over, then she kept saying she was just gonna go home, so I told her "fine just fucking go." So she left, and she lives an hour and a half away and she was drunk and ended up totaling her car. Now that I'm sober and have been trying to talk to her she's being more distant and shit so idk what to do. I guess I need a woman's eye on this which is why I'm asking you. What can I change about myself to maybe make her like me again? What are some things that you as a woman notice about me that you don't like?

HER - Don't drink.....? It seems like every time you drink something happens

ME - Well obviously I was going to be pissed that she said my friend was cute. And if I don't drink it's hard for me to express myself and show my emotions, it's a bit easier when I'm drunk but it's still hard. Idk I dated her for over a year on and off, maybe I should just give up. I have more flaws than just drinking, but I can't recognize them that's why I asked you

HER - Well one is stop getting mad when you like someone & they like someone else or think they're cute it makes you look like a kid because that's life no reason to get mad over it

ME - I don't do that. Just in this case it was because it was my ex of over a year and he was my friend. And actually yeah it does piss me off sometimes because no matter how nice I am, and I know the guy they like is an asshole, I still get fucked over and it's bullshit. The least the woman can do is give me a chance instead of making me feel like shit

HER - Idk I can't tell ya idk who she is

ME - Idk, guess I'll just cut my losses and give up on her

HER - Try talking to her ask her out to lunch or something
Without any guys or alcohol just simply you & her somewhere decent

ME - Yeah but it's hard for me in those situations, I'm not good at saying what's on my mind or showing emotions

HER - Why?

ME - Not sure, just the way I was raised, I was taught that emotions make you weak and shit. Plus what if intake her out and say what's on my mind and she ends up saying she has no feelings for me anymore, rejection sucks

HER - Then your just gonna have to deal with it it's part of life
Girls aren't everything

ME - No they aren't, you're right, but after awhile loneliness gets to you. A woman like you wouldn't understand.

HER - You don't think I'm lonely? I was with Dj & Chris was someone I had a thing with that's all

ME - I meant because if you absolutely wanted a boyfriend, I'm sure you can find a bunch of guys ready. I've only been in love twice in my life and only once, if at all, have I been loved back

HER - I was never really loved either & I don't trust anyone so I won't

ME - You have family and friends who love you. But yeah idk she won't even reply to me now. I Texted her and asked if she wanted to do anything for Valentine's day and she didn't reply.

HER - Yeah but I mean like boyfriend love & maybe she didn't see it yet

ME - No clue, I asked her early yesterday and she hasn't replied and I don't like being persistent because women don't like that and Valentine's day is tomorrow lol, that's why I asked if you wanted to do something tomorrow since she didn't reply

HER - You never asked me to do anything tomorrow

ME - Yeah I did and you said "possbily, I might be going over my friend's house she has to ask her mom."

HER - Oh yeahhhh

ME - Lol yeah since you didn't give a reply I figured you didn't want to so I didn't ask again.

HER - Well it all depends on if I go to my friends or not

ME - Haha it's fine no worries

 

Not sure how you guys go from talking about your ex, to...

'HER - You never asked me to do anything tomorrow'

'ME - Yeah I did and you said "possbily, I might be going over my friend's house she has to ask her mom."'

Did you ask her to do something for Valentine's Day as well? I'm confused.

If anything, it sounds like maybe she was trying to change the subject in a friendly manner, basically saying she wants to hang out. Like, "You never asked me to hang out." (haha)

 

I asked her I think two days ago if she wanted to go out on friday and she said possibly, she might be hanging out with her friends, but before she said the "you never asked me to do anything tomorrow" if you look above that I put "that's why I asked if you wanted to do something tomorrow since she didn't reply" at the end of what I wrote.

And she didn't reply after I wrote "haha it's fine, no worries" so idk if I shouldn't have said that, maybe now she thinks "oh well maybe he doesn't really want to hang out with me that badly." but I didn't want to say like "I'd really like it if we went out tomorrow" or something like that, that might seem too desperate.

Say we do end up going out tomorrow and I take her to olive garden, and go to the movies and maybe go back to her place and make some dessert, when do you think the best time to come clean is? And how should I do it? I want a few scenarios to think on lol.

 

Oh, okay. That makes sense now. And, nah bro, that was perfect. You're right, you don't want to sound too desperate. She knows what you mean, and also it sounds like you're not too desperate which is a turn-on in itself for girls.

Also, as for coming clean, I would just try to go with the flow and don't even bring it up. Actions speak louder than words, so you don't necessarily have to say it in words. Just have a good time. The only reason to come clean would be if she wanted to bring it up. Other than that, just show her you are genuinely a nice guy by having a good time, and don't even focus on the negative. If anything, it will just be something you guys laugh about later down the road.

As for some advice, I wouldn't text back or even speak to her until she hits you up again. You made your move, whether she accepts it is up to her. But I wouldn't even bother contacting her till she sends you a text/calls you, even if it's a week from the last time you initiated the fact you wanted to hang out with her. You wanting to hang out with her is basically saying, 'Hey, I'm sorry about what happened but lets move on and continue being friends.' So unless she accepts your offer or text you back in a few days, there's nothing more you can do. You've done your part.

 

Like Roary said, don't hook her up with your friend if you like her.. I'd suggest sitting down and talking to her, and see what you can do from there. If she continues talking to you, she may grow to like you. (Possibly already has). Just take it easy and talk to her, also, tell her that you were drunk and didn't remember what you said/did that night. If she thinks it was the real you, and not the drunk you, then she'll think you're an ass. I'd really suggest talking it through, as I don't think you'll get through any other way. Let us know how it goes!

 

So two days ago, her and the kid I was trying to hook her up with were talking and she wrote this to him after he said "I think your personality is amazing."

HER - be careful with (me) with that he's like me & he gets mad but he doesn't get that fact I don't like him & never will yes he's nice but I just can't be with him I dot wanna be a bitch but I have my types

Does that mean that our personalities don't clique? Or does that mean that I'm not physically wise what she normally goes for? I mean I'm 6'2 230 buff, and she normally goes for the scrawny skeletor guys, but I figured that would matter if I was a nice guy to her.

Do you think maybe I should just keep being friends with her and show her my good personality and see if maybe she learns to like me even though I'm not her type?

 

1. It just means you aren't her type. Maybe you aren't 'cool' or 'bad' enough for her. That's usually what puts guys in the friend zone, and to be honest, I just look at girls like that to be ignorant.

2. If she doesn't want someone who is nice and doing something with their life (going to the Marines) then it's up to you, but I'd say either be friends and nothing more, or move on. I've had plenty of 'girl friends' that I would prob. date/fuck, but I never wanted it to go that far because I liked the friendship we had. Sometimes friendships are better than relationships. If anything, if she doesn't like you now, that would be the way to get her to grow onto you, but definitely don't sit around & wait for it.

I think once you join the military, and see there's a whole new side to life, it'll be a lot easier to forget about her and realize you have much better options. And I'm being dead ass serious on that note. Unless you guys have some serious history, and she was your ex and you still really liked her, then maybe it's worth trying, but if you guys never had anything, just forget about it man and stay friends.

 

I'd suggest ignoring her and getting over her, she doesn't really want to be with you by the sounds of it. You may just not be her type, and there's nothing wrong with that. Girls have their types, and guys have theirs also, I'd just stop talking to her. There's no reason to keep having good thoughts about liking her if it isn't going to go anywhere. Let us know how it goes!

 

HOLLLLLLLLLLYYYY SHIT.

Bud, let me just give you some honest advice here.

My advice to you, just stop now. Don't be friends with her, because you won't get over it, and you'll just hurt yourself even more.

Stop reading into signals/texts/talking or whatever, because you like her, this clouds your judgement because you're just searching for a reason for her to love you.

I may be wrong, but if this girl is that hard to get...

If it's meant to be, she'll come to you.