What should I do?

Hi guys, the last couple of weeks I've been upset and isolated. 2 weeks ago my girlfriend committed suicide because she couldn't deal with her life. Her father was a drug addict and was recently released from prison about a month ago. Ever since he got released, he gambled the family's money and drunk a lot of alcohol daily. He was so drunk that he went around beating Jade (My gf) and her mother Linda.

She was a beautiful girl who everybody wanted to be like. She was always happy, friendly and helpful. She wouldn't ever leave somebody on their own because she wasn't like that.

Anyway, this went on for a month without me knowing, I only found out 3 weeks ago (a week before she took her life) I only noticed when I saw bruises on her arms and legs. I tried to confront her about it but she was too scared to tell me. I thought it was nothing, maybe her sister messing around with her or whatever, but I knew what was happening straight after I saw her mom, her mom was covered in bruises, she had black eyes, swelled up lips and cuts on her neck.

As soon as I found out I told my mom and offered her a place to live with us, until her dad was banged back up in prison. She said no and said she'd go to her aunt's house. So over Christmas I'd talk to her at 9 o'clock every night expecting her to be ok as she'd sound totally fine. So the next day I go to Jade's aunts house and ask to see her, she had no clue what I was talking about. I didn't know whether to go to her house or not because of her mental dad. The next day I hear that she died because she was strangled. The last couple of weeks I haven't left my house and I play football 3 times a week as I play for my school team. I've blamed myself for her death as I could have prevented it by going to the house and confronted him about it.

I need help guys, what should I do?

Thanks for reading and sorry about mistakes.

 

Just know, it's not your fault...

That's heart-breaking, I'm so sorry for your loss.

This in no way shape or form had anything to do with you. Time heals all wounds, come to terms with her death and live your life for the both of you.

 

I'm VERY sorry for your loss, that's hard, it isn't your fault at all. Don't blame yourself because that won't do any good, especially, since it isn't your fault that it happened. You might want to try and see a therapist about it, you just need to take it easy and don't stress over it. My condolences, Take care.

 

It's not your fault at all man. Take pride in the fact that you thought to go see her every day and it takes courage to do that especially when dealing with a sensitive topic such as this.

Maybe you could try to make an arrangement to speak with an officer or something about the whole thing in regards to the mother who is still being abused. I'm not sure what exactly what kind of investigation is going on as of right now but perhaps your input could help her mother.

Stay strong man, do what feels right.

 

I'm sorry for your lose but know one thing, everything happens for a reason and that she is not suffering anymore. Don't do anything stupid, just talk to people and let anything out that way. There's loving and caring people on sythe and if you ever need someone to talk to I'm a PM away. Take care bro and I have your back .

 

Honestly I wouldn't blame yourself, going there and confronting him to prevent it from happening as you suggested more likely than not would have just made the situation worse as with most abusive spouses when they find out that other people know about what goes on behind closed doors it only further enrages them. The best advice i could give you is don't blame yourself, go out and do things that might get your mind away from things. Sitting isolated in a room as you say just thinking about something your upset about will only result in unhealthy habits and unhealthy thoughts.

 

Thanks for your advice guys, I talked with my uncle about it, he's a sergeant in the West Midland police force. I got out today, went out with some close friends ect.

 

At the start you say she committed suicide, then at the end you say she was strangled. Seems like a pretty big error, so I don't believe your story. I'll address it with 2 answers.

First - if this is true - it's not your fault and it sucks, but you have to move on. Provide support to the family (without shelling out any cash) and do what you can to help, but don't overstep yourself. Continue distracting yourself from it like you've been doing, hang out with friends, etc, but give yourself time to digest everything as well. If you just put it off it'll get worse and haunt you badly forever. Be sure to grieve, but be sure to carry on with your life as well.

My second answer - if this isn't true - then it's obviously a cry for attention. Come out straight with what you'd like to talk about and people will help you, that's what the section is for. You don't need to lie just to get people to address you. Pretty horrible story too, I might add. Very insensitive if this is just a fake ramble.

 

Yes, she was strangled by her father numerous times, this is why she ended up committing suicide... If you think I'd make this up. Then you're sad man.

I put it in wrong words.

 

Honestly, just remember it isn't your fault even though right now it may feel like the blame is on your from a mental standpoint. If someone wants to take their life they're going to take it whether we want them to or not. It's part of having free will. Just don't be to hard on yourself have time to celebrate her life and then remorse and then you have to move on.

 

This is sound advice.

I blamed myself for my fathers suicide when it happened, because I refused to contact him in any way and I was basically the only thing in his life. He always thought the world was against him. Nobody saw it coming. You can't blame yourself because it will eat you up inside.

 

Wow feel sorry for you of course I isn't your fault just never forget her and you can't stop your life just continue and enjoy it