depression in relationship

I'm Az, pretty much everyone I know irl calls me that.

I've been with my girlfriend since 9th of April 2009. Roughly 4 and a half years. Since about a month now, I've been feeling rather depressed regarding my situation with her. I feel as if that x factor is no longer there. I love her to bits and she loves me to bits too. We are planning on getting married when the age is right (she is 4 months older than me).

I have no idea what it is but I feel sometimes that she doesn't do enough even thought I'm certainly not the ungrateful type. Apart from my relationship there has been some stuff going on irl that hasn't helped me situation with how I feel every day.

What can/should I do to bring that happy vibe back in my relationship with her? and how can I feel more happy every day in general? We have arguments sometimes because of this and she feels I have become more serious in general as a person.

I don't even know what to type so will sort of improvise as people post..

 

Doesn't do enough as in? Around the house? Contributing financially? It's not ungrateful, but perhaps just a little ignorant to her own situation. It's easy to feel hard done by when you don't appreciate what someone else is doing.

Until I know what you mean by doesn't do a lot then I can't really give you a good answer.

Anywho, it's not "depression" - just a rough time, major difference. Relationships are all about resilience and understanding - talk it out, come to a compromise.. hey ho problem pretty much solved Honestly though, a lot of a relationship is arguing and they key to making it last is just roughing it out. Try not to take it to heart and remember all the good reasons why you guys are dating and all the stuff you've gotten over in 4 years together.

 

I've been feeling this for quiet a while, sometimes I wake up and think what's the fucking point. It's my last year university and I'm failing to concentrate in my class. I have also been missing lessons because I feel down and then it's like ugh cba.

Not doing enough in the sense that I've realised for several months that when I feel down, I don't feel she bothers trying to make me feel better. When she is upset I do whatever I can to make her feel better and she does. Whereas, when I'm upset I get the impression that she just waits til I get over it myself.

Personally, idk if it's good or bad but I'm the type of person that never forgets things whether they are good or bad. Sometimes I just cant seem to stop thinking about things that have hurt me in the past which pisses me off. I wouldn't say I'm severely depressed or have any mental issues like that at all though. I never show people how I truly feel inside.

 

Have you confronted her about it? Maybe she doesn't realise what she's doing and how you feel about it. Some people just aren't sympathisers. Is it just recently she's not been there?

 

Your not alone im in exact same situation

 

been several months, I have confronted her. She does sort of have that "aren't sympathisers" so it's kind of a weird situation. She is by no means a bitch or anything but she is a bit of "I cba" type if that makes sense.

hopefully this thread helps us both out.

 

Id just tell her you personally need sympathy and understanding to have a happy relationship and that if you can make the effort she can too.

Have you tried talking your problems through with someone else?

 

honestly I'm not really good at talking about my problems with anyone but I might with my female friends. Yeah I try explaining but there is only a certain amount I can do.

will be back tomorrow as I have uni early morning and have to try and get some sleep, already quarter past 3 in the morning.

 

well you know my Skype dude, I'm happy to chat with you any time. Might be easier with someone you don't know in person

 

In addition to what Roary has said if your looking to bond with her to make things smoothly find a common interest you guys share, or something you've both always wanted to do together. and do it.

If you really value each other something like this shouldnt get in the way

 

If you've been around for that long things like this are normal. Confront her with this but don't make it feel like you want to break up. You don't want that I guess.

I see it's been months that you're feeling you like that, also that you've confronted her. If she doesn't give a shit and still makes you feel like this. There is something wrong.

Also, relationships are also about forgiving and forgetting. I've been trough this to, and the problem should solve it self. Concentrate on school. If you want you can hit me up on Skype, already got you added

 

I know thanks man :love:

It's funny cause I've litrally spoken about every single thing that exists in our world 100 times atleast lol

but yeah thanks man

It's not that she doesn't care about me it's just sometimes due to her nature she gives that impression.

I don't go school I go uni

thankyou

 

It seems like your relationship is a lot like mine's been in the sense of how you're feeling and how your girlfriend is reacting:

I can be a pretty emotional guy when the mood hits, and sometimes it feels like my girlfriend doesn't really care. I've come to realize that's just her personality, though.

When she's upset, my girlfriend generally wants to be left alone. Being right there and in her face bothers her a lot more than it helps. Usually I'll make her some food, give her a hug and/or kiss that she sometimes doesn't bother returning, and let her be for a while (unless she's really, really upset, in which case she usually just wants to sit and be held, but that's not really relevant right now, so I'll spare you the details).

The point of explaining that ^ is to tell you why my girlfriend seems a bit cold and uncaring sometimes when I'm torn up about something or other. She acts like she wants me to act towards her, so I do my best to accept her personality, knowing that she does care.

But if I'm completely feeling terrible, I let her know straight away that I need to know she cares - however she feels like saying or showing it. I'd suggest that you do the same if your girlfriend sounds much like mine. She knows I go out of my way to detach when she's upset, and she's willing to go out of hers to be there for me. From what you've told us about your relationship, it seems like your girlfriend should be completely willing to do the same.

 

Some times when your with a person for a long time you lose the spark so to speak, the only advice i can think of is to spend more time together in public places as a couple, go out and do things together (different things in different places every day) don't do the same thing over and over. Take her some wheres she won't expect.

 

Dam that is very similar to my case. She expects me to climb mountains for her when she is upset but she doesn't bother as much when I'm upset (not speaking on a negative way). There are the occasions where she really does do everything she can which I appreciate it a lot! Thanks for your help it's good to know that my situation isn't so rare.

Yeah I've been thinking exactly the same thing. I'm planning her surprise bday party already even thought her birthday is on Christmas lol. I'm going to take her to London eye cause that's where we had our first kiss lols.

Thankyou.

 

happens to everyone, spark is over, won't come back.

 

I had a similar thing happen to me in a past relationship. I really suggest having some serious talks between the 2 of you. You really should just tell her flat out whats going on. Open communication is an amazing thing and creates a very strong relationship!

 

Without reading through all of the comments do something different try to bring the x factor back get that spark back and look for the qualities that brought you two together to begin with. If it's meant to be it will always be.

 

We have and we struggle thinking of ways to bring that x factor back.

I do think it's meant to be because if 2 other people had to go through some of the serious personal matters we have had than they would have broken up ages ago.

Thanks for the help both of you.