Feeling Suicidal? - Read

tMoon · Dec 3, 2012

You’re sitting in your room, door locked, with a pen in your hand and a blank piece of paper infront of you. Your hand is shaking, and the tears begin again - for the third time in the past hour. “To my family,” you write at the top of the page, but decide it’s a bad way to begin your letter - your suicide letter. You try again, start over, again and again, but you don’t know where to begin.

No one understands you; no one knows what you’re going through, you’re alone. Or at least that’s what you think. Nobody would care if you’re alive or not, you mean nothing to nobody. It’s night, and you slip into bed. “Goodbye,” you whisper into the darkness. And with that, you take your last breath and end it all. Nobody cares, right? Well you thought wrong. It’s a Tuesday the following morning, and when it’s 7:21, your mother comes and knocks on your door. She doesn’t know you can’t hear her, she doesn’t know you’re gone. She knocks a few more times, calling your name to open up. When there is no reply from your side of the door, she opens it and screams. She collapses on the ground while your dad rushes to your room.

Your siblings have already left for school. You’re very weak mother collects all the energy she’s got which is close to nothing to walk over to your bed. She leans over your dead body, crying, squeezing your hand, screaming. Your dad is trying to stay strong, but the tears escape his eyes; calling 000 with his left hand while his other one is on your mother’s back. Your mother blames herself. All those times she had said “no” to you, all those times she had screamed at you, and sent you to your room over something stupid. Your father will blame himself for not being there for you when you asked for help, for being away from home at work for long. Nobody cares, right? 8:34. There’s a knock on your classroom door, it’s the school principal. She looks more worried than ever. She calls the teacher to the side; all the students worried. “What’s going on?” they all say. The principal then later announces about your suicide. The popular girl that always called you fat and ugly is now blaming herself.

The kid that would always copy your homework but treat you like crap, he’s blaming himself. The boy that sits behind you, the one that always threw things at you during class, he’s blaming himself too. The teacher is blaming herself - for all those times she’d scream at you for forgetting your homework, or not listening in class. People are crying, screaming, shocked, in regret of what they did. They’ll all be devastated - even the kids you’ve never talked to before. Still nobody cares about you, right? Your siblings get home. Your mother has to tell them that you’re gone; forever. Your little sister, no matter how many times she’s screamed at you, told you she hated you and stole your stuff, always loved you, and saw you as her hero; her role model. She now starts to blame herself; why didn’t I do what she told me to do when she told me to? Why did I take her stuff even when she asked me not to? This is all my fault. Your brother gets home, the boy that never cries. He’s now in his room; mad at himself, he caused your death. All those times he’d played pranks on you. He’s punching holes in his wall, turning over things; he doesn’t know how to deal with the fact that you’re gone. Forever. Nobody cares about you, right? Right?

It has been over a month. The door to your room has been closed all this time. Everything is different now. Your brother has to be sent to anger management classes, your little sister cries everyday still waiting for you to come back. Every day she waits for you to come back home. The popular girls have now turned anorexic. They don’t know how to deal with the pain that they’re feeling. Your father has depression; your mother hasn’t slept for nights, it’s all her fault. She’s been crying and screaming every night wishing for you to come back. The boy who would always bother you dropped out of school. The boy that copied your homework now cuts. But nobody cares about you, aren’t I right?

Your mother finally decides to go clean out your room. But she can’t do it. She’s locked herself in your room for two days to try to clean up your clothes, your things. But she can’t. She can’t say goodbye to you, not yet, not now. Never. It’s your funeral. It’s a big one, everybody comes. No one knows what to say. The beautiful girl with the big smile is gone; you’re somewhere else. No one knows what to say, they’re all still shocked. Everyone cries, everyone misses you. They all wish you’d come back but you don’t, and you won’t. Still think nobody cares about you? Think again.

Even if people don’t show it, they care about you, they love you. If you kill yourself today or any other day, you won’t know just how much you meant to people. If you kill yourself today, it stops your pain, but it pains all the ones who know you for the rest of their life. Suicide is the easy way out - but it’s the wrong choice. Life is beautiful. Yes, it does have its ups and downs - everyone has their bad days. Sometimes people go through tough times in their lives like you’re probably going through now, but bad times come and go. You might not see the light at the end of the tunnel, but it’s there.

No matter how hard life gets, never give up on yourself, or on your life. Take a minute now, and think. If you killed yourself, how would the people that love you feel/go through? Can’t think of anything? Well I’ll tell you: tears, tears, and more tears. Devastation. Guilt. Pain. Broken. Regret. Miserable. If after reading this you still feel suicidal, there are people that can help you. I’m here for you whenever you need me, and I’ll be more than happy to listen to you and try to help you feel better.

There are teachers, parents, grandparents, neighbours, adults, counsellors - they’re all there for you whenever you need them. I just want you to remember three things: you’re beautiful, you’re not alone, and it does get better, I promise. ♥
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Source: Unknown

Ever need someone, I'll sure as hell be there; and as will others (whether you believe so or not.)

n4n0 · Dec 3, 2012

Tempted to sticky this.... It actually made my eyes water. Nice find, Tmoe.

Edit: Seems someone already stuck it. Good job Tony.

Grim_Reaper · Dec 21, 2012

Wow..I thought about how it would affect people and I felt like crying my eyes out. Don't commit suicide!

Integrate · Dec 22, 2012

I read the entire thread; Must admit that touching the theme of suiciding made me tear up a bit.

No one should ever commit suicide; No matter how hard the moment your going through is, you should never forget there are always the people that will feel very sad to see you go.

Remember of that one person, friend, or girl that makes you smile every time you see them.

Do you know what happens when we die? You are rushing to find out if you commit suicide. I say try and enjoy this life and be the best person you can until then.

Cabbage · Dec 23, 2012

I know someone who committed suicide. I couldn't do anything because they were an e-friend, but if only I found this sooner :/

The Weeknd · Dec 23, 2012

This is very touching :') I teared up a few times b/c I know I could have been there for multiple people who felt alone in this world. =[

xkronic · Dec 23, 2012

i can say i had a tear fall from my eye great thread.

I_DONT_BOT · Dec 23, 2012

Wow, this is inspiring. It just shows how badly it can affect people

Mahdy · Dec 29, 2012

Kinda shows how someone online can make your life that much different man.

Sun · Jan 9, 2013

When I first read this a few weeks ago, it honestly got a tear or two out of me. It was a fantastic read. I bet it'd help change someone's mind if they knew some of the people in the example positions.

Swag Doctor · Jan 9, 2013

i actually read the whole thing, it was really touching

tomato721recover · Jan 29, 2013

iife sucks for me now, just got hacked 380$

Belumoth · Feb 5, 2013

If anyone needs help let me know, I've been there, I can help.

Choose life my friends.

The D O P E · Feb 26, 2013

n4n0 said: ↑

Tempted to sticky this.... It actually made my eyes water. Nice find, Tmoe.

Edit: Seems someone already stuck it. Good job Tony.
Click to expand...

I thought i was alone in experiencing these feelings, although i never truly had any suicidal thoughts anytime i do ill think of this.

Viet · May 5, 2013

Thank you for this, that is all.

Lame · Oct 21, 2013

Sorry for the gravedig but damn. Very emotional read. Thanks for sharing.

Edit: not a gravedig, its stickied

Azie · Dec 12, 2013

These things are good to read because it makes us think about life and how we should appreciate things. It's a shame we get over it in a hour or two and think about things that don't even matter...

Krenshaw · Dec 16, 2013

beautifull read, gave me tears

2007scape · Dec 24, 2013

Wow, truly inspiring man. Though I am not suicidal, thank you for sharing this. You have no idea how many people would choose to keep living if they saw this

Poperi · Jan 26, 2014

damm this read brings a tear to my eye

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Feeling Suicidal? - Read

tMoon FoRmErLy KnOwN aS Tmoe

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Feeling Suicidal? - Read

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tMoon FoRmErLy KnOwN aS Tmoe

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Poperi Why so serious